Black Dog Blog

Archive for the ‘robots’ Category

Diesel Sweeties archives are available to download in PDF ebook form under a free Creative Commons licence. It's a pixel comic with robots and romance. I used to read it and seem to remember the early stuff was ok. (Red Robot is cool.)

Physicists produce quantum-entangled images of – what else? – cats.

Now, certain brain cells, pontine neurons, are built in the rear of the brain and trundle around for a bit before settling in the cerebellum. I never knew that. And now someone's worked out how they do it. It's a molecular carrot-and-stick approach.

Here's an accessible explanation of pontine neurons and the happy Hox genes that tell them where to go. The same genes, if messed up, can do things like causing insects to grow legs in place of antennae.

Stolen dog reunited with owners. Saluki/greyhound, gorgeous.

Nasty woman fined for tail docking. Says there's no demand for undocked animals, boo hoo, spectacularly failing to get the point of the new legislation that (at last) classifies tail amputation as unnecessary mutilation.

Docking is bad, ok? Your tail's a limb, with bone, blood supply and nerves, but it's also used for communication. There's no exact analogy for humans on the physical appearance and balance side of things, but as for the social—let's play pretendy, kids. The lower half of your face has just been paralysed in a horrific Botox accident. Oh, you can still talk (your tongue, jaw and brain work fine), but your speech is slurred because of your lips and you can't even smile to let strangers know you're friendly. Imagine the inconvenience, and in some cases danger, you'll be put in. And by the way, I lied. It wasn't an accident. Your mum did it to you. She thinks you look prettier this way.

I happen to like many of the breeds that have traditionally had their tails amputated, but if I bought a puppy (as opposed to rescuing an adult dog, something I'm more likely to do) I'd never buy one that had been mutilated. (The only problem with rescuing an amputee dog would be having to explain to everyone that I wasn't the one who mutilated him.)

Neglected dog found on roadside, believed to have been imprisoned in a cage for years, is put down. Hope they find and disembowel the culprit.

A mass dolphin stranding is making the news over here. The clip there is very sad. They're gorgeous things, even all dead and stiff.

Dangerous dog-owners

TV presenter adopts adorable rescue dog

Dog locates missing elderly man, but before you go "aww", he isn't the dog pictured.

Dog survives days in rabbit hole. I wonder what she ate to survive…

Chinese parks 'sell tiger wine'

Manchester congestion charge plans backed

Vacuum used to free kitten (vid). (Ours is moulting in the obnoxious manner of mostly-white cats in summer, and I've already suggested similar measures. I'll show them this clip and see if they change their minds now they see the fire services do it.)

Bionic hand wins top tech prize. I live in hope that these things will bow (wave?) to inevitability and turn killer.

Why does having a sword turn people into arseholes?

Australia appoints woman bishop

Pet skunk's walkies turning heads

Noisy Swazi cockerels face chop

Park celebrates camel births (video)

Court overrules Texas sect raid / video

Technicalities, technicalities… and here's another that is more funny.

When doing our news coverage at work we avoid including stories that are too obviously electioneering, but this is particularly pungent so I thought I'd share with you lot.

Microsoft's going to take up ODF out of the goodness of its heart, presumably because OpenXML sucks humbugs

Think your economy has it bad now? You whippersnappers haven't seen a REAL credit crunch until you've had Aurelian monkeying with your silver!

Sorry, Indy, the shiny things are fake.

That's amazing how this announcement got made when they've just made a movie about it! Wow, spooky coincidence or what?

This is so awesome eeeee. I mean, it's pretty obvious that frosting glass is going to change what it does to light, but still. Here's more.

Escaped umaa shot, causing car crash. No pictures. I'm not sure WHY it was shot.

Doctors flown in from Netherlands to treat 1,000-year-old tree. Awesome.

Playboy reviews UK sales displays after vicar complains at their marketing strategy.

I find this persecution appalling. How anyone can suggest that this innocent corporation had any obvious marketing strategy in mind when designing bright pink, shiny, fluffy products such as typically appeal to young girls simply beggars belief. Pink fluffy rulers and pencil cases are daily essentials for grown men too, I'll have you know. Dog, we might as well be living under the Taleban.

A lifeboat rescues an elderly 15st St Bernard/mastiff cross, described as "a bit grumpy".

A couple of random stories: How the internet ruins humour, from SomethingAwful (now THAT's rich) and a robot, because there can never be enough. There is some kind of serious psychological point among the ads and stupid film clips. Actual interview starts at 1:09.

I have a discovery to share with you all. It is Pirate Gangsta Rap.

In recent weeks, I've been listening to a lot of Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew. They arre "the only rap crew with buccaneer technique" and their influences arre "davey jones, scurvy, hip hop, tupac, eminem, blackbeard, sailling" [sic]. It is, as one review says, all the attitudes of gangsta rap, 300 yearrs earlier. It is the best, nay, the only gangsta rap to which I have listened willingly. It is hilarious.

Highlights of the first album, Authentic Pirate Hip Hop, arre Flintlock Glock (the title alone…), Blackbeard's Treasure and the unabashedly misogynistic Round the Corner Sallies.

Here is the epic quest for Blackbeard's treasure. Die, Corsair!

As for the second album, Rimes of the Hip Hop Mariners, the title track is goofy fun, as is the timber-shiveringly detailed description of a keelhaul. We'll ignore what appears to be a song about World of Warcraft. But the winner, oh yes, has to be the rap battle between a shipful of pirates and the British Navy.

If that sounds delightful, listen to Broadside.

And finally, if rap isn't your thing, here's a more traditional kind of sea shanty. Very educational if you didn't know what Round the Corner Sallies are.

US orchestra conducted by robot

Universe twice as bright as known

Birdsong CD helps rescue starling

Zoo's escaped orangutan attacks keeper

'Snog' paramedic fit to practise

Eh? Eh?

Frigid robot eyes top tech prize

Dog 'fosters' kittens (video)

"Never seen cross-fostering between species"? Two or three stories like this turn up every year, whenever news is slow.

Bridge designed to be swan-proof. No, forget mocking this. How cool that people pay attention to this stuff.

Included because I know you'll all complain if I don't… :P

Whaddya gonna do with all that butt? No, really, what? Make a décolletage or something?

I shouldn't be finding this brilliantly amusing, but I really am.

GIANT UMAA!

Monday was a bank holiday, so I had the day off. I remembered this late on Sunday evening… after getting most of my preparation for work the next day.

The last thing my boss said to me on Friday was "[Herms], Monday is a bank holiday. Don't come in." THEY KNOW ME SO WELL.

I saw Iron Man with the brother. It was pretty good, and exactly what we expected, including the bits where you need to shut down your rational mind.

As Slen remarked during one bit, "This is as cool as Transformers." (I'd amend that to cooler, because I didn't enjoy TF.)

Also, after the end credits, Sammel Jackson in an eyepatch for the ultimate win. (that's who it was, right? Slen said so, but I don't recognise people.) (spoilers may be in comments)

Y'know the posters for the new Batman flickknife? (They show the Joker from behind with face not visible.) Anyone else theorising that they're using a rear view because they hadn't taken any publicity shots when the guy died, and yet obviously wanted to market it on him because he died?

Or am I cynical?

(Harley Harley Harley HarleyHarleyHarley… huh, what? Nothing.)

I also read the first third of Matter in the evening. I had been annoying Slen with "Are there drones? Are there Minds? Dronesplz?" while he read it. (Srsly though, no spoilers please.) Slen is fun to talk about sarky AIs with… and cook up theories about Neal Asher's runcible universe.

Also, Family Guy rickrolled me. D:
(edit: PROOF (yes, this video contains that song, caveat clicker))

Lots of random links and news from my afternoon trawl update… and a meme from Animist, because dogs. DOGS!

Can different species 'talk'?

Non-news link: Deadpool fans… uh, yeah, don't look here.

(The joke is that Deadpool, a fictional comic book character, thinks the real-life actress Bea Arthur is wonderful. Bea Arthur is one of the 'Golden Girls' depicted there. (OK, yes, uncalled-for minor geekery, but I have only recently finished reading the last Cable & Deadpool and am still cheesed that one of the titular protags somehow got co-opted out of his own finale. Whut. (Still, Deadpool always was carrying the show.)))

Raven spotted.

I forgot it's Pi Day. Silly people putting the day before the month. :)

Europe develops Moon rover plan

I saw Peter and the Wolf. Didn't think it was all that good. You couldn't tell what was going on, and this is from someone who heard it plenty of times as a pup.

Yahoo makes semantic search shift

New human interface devices

(You can put in a fake email address.)

Labrador Retriever
The Caretaker

Your family is what makes you tick, and you never "flea" from an opportunity to hang out with the whole gang. A family picnic complete with hot dogs, deviled eggs and a refreshing swim in the lake is hard for you to stray from. Your sparky temperament and dogged intelligence mean you are not only a blast to hang out with, but great to work with as well. Your close pals appreciate your patience and forgiveness, knowing you'd rather let sleeping dogs lie than dwell on the mishaps of the past. Your dashing good looks may one day lead to a modelling career, if only you can tame the unfortunate clumsiness that sometimes causes you to go flailing from the catwalk.

"Tick"/"flea". Wise Dog sees what you did there.

Seeing as my sisters were Golden Retrievers, I can't say I'm surprised. The blurb is so much nonsense, of course.

A little girl has been found alive.

More on the great heartburn conspiracy from earlier today.

£30k iPod on display

It's a Shuffle, looks like, so it's only 1Gb or possibly 2. Epic fail.

Notice the video player? It's called the EMP. We pioneered that on our Passion site! One day before the rest of bbc.co.uk had it! </flag-waving>

And another EMP clip:

Teaching a speech machine. It spelled Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious right, and caught the glottal stop in Slartibartfast. Not bad!

In shocking news, no ladies have proposed marriage to me today.

(That's good, because I have ethical objections to providing kisses and silk gloves.)

Red trouble still on the lam.

To aid your essential research into this matter, Charlie the Songdog sends this.

Why didn't I get one of these?

No impact from Energy Saving Day

Children's mags 'damage writing' ('Mags'. I rest my case.)

Robbers in Sydney are clever enough to target a bar during a biker meeting.

Plan to teach baby robot to talk

Hands up who immediately thought of Susan Calvin in "Lenny".

Mattress boxing. (Coming soon: mattress happy-slapping.)

[video] New Amur leopard baby. Beware, explicit pictures right from the outset, which some viewers may find highly distressing. *coughcough*

Gordon Brown is teh antichrist says attention-seeking loon

Robots could reduce animal tests

Broadband rules could be scrapped

Oh, so it's overregulated? Like fun it is. When companies can sell 'unmetered' packages that charge you for going over their secret 'fair use' limit, I'm not boo-hoo-hooing for the poor dears.

Virus immunity 'created in lab' (interferons)

Ruff deal for the Staffie

Animated Star Wars movie yaaaawn

Brilliant pre-sonar primitive bat fossil found.

David Bowie/Scarlett Johansson fans?

Nanofabrics yey!

Ministers consider UK astronauts

New meat-eating dinos identified

How do you repair a Stradivarius?

Dudes have you heard? Reading has been decriminalised!

Dog lead goths 'hounded off bus'

Which gave me a chuckle. You know my bias here, so, peeps, what do you think? Rampant speciesism????

There is a video clip. The accents!

Three Little Pigs 'too offensive'

…would all idiots please stop making all the rest of us who are committed to multiculturalism look like bleeding-heart nutters? Idiocy like this is bread and butter to the Daily Mail. Stop doing it.

Unmanned aircraft are to help scientists with research flights that are too dangerous or difficult for human pilots.

Last.fm debuts free music service

I would seriously consider multiple murders¹ for a chance to pilot one of those things.

¹ or rampant hyperbole, anyway

Terror law plans to be unveiled

Transplant goal 'one step closer'

"So we should try to continue with our efforts to try to explain that we are engaged in this research whaling activity from a scientific viewpoint."

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?

Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

Looking at the pictures of Sarika Singh, one notes that nobody is making a fuss about the kesh, just the kara. Man these debates get boring.

Starving, disaffected locals threaten endangered turtles in Bangladesh. Militia set up in response, lethal force authorised.

Now it is time for a serious ethical debate aboutPUPPY. PUPPY NOSE EARS EYES PAWS PUPPY.

'Vampire' man jailed for having poor taste. I mean, we all knew before reading on which fictional vampire's name he chose. (Oh yes, and there's the matter of all that violent crime he did.)

Burma poet held for secret insult

Update on Rusty the fat Lab! Looks like his dads learned their lesson.

A mother tongue bites the dust

Humanoid figure evolves on Mars in absence of any supporting ecosystems. Or it's a bloody rock.

Red kite poisoning investigated

UK homes to get super-fast fibre through sewers

Alligators, anthropomorphic turtles living in sewers said to be delighted. That one with the purple bandana suspected of hacking the mainframe with the data and the hacking and the virus and the MOD database password hacker virus nuclear war Joshua Joshua give me your answer do, or, as summed up by the one in the orange bandana, "Im in ur effluence sniffing ur packets."

Not that I'm saying the media are a little clueless at reporting technology stories or anything.

Christian activist challenges court ruling, wanting to bring a private prosecution for blasphemy over Jerry Springer – The Opera.

Damn. I wish I'd worn my JSTO baseball cap into work today. Just in case, y'know, anyone in the world should be incognisant of my position on this one.

This religious nonsense detracts from the fact that the show is a satire on the media. A rather awesome satire, imo.

Has Islam got a sense of humour? No. Have Muslims? Many of them yes, many of them "yes with limits". The fundies, like fundies in any religion, have not. The Prophet used to laugh and joke? Sssh, we ignore those hadiths.

(I was going to link a different page there, but couldn't find it. Here's an alternative, also written by a Muslim but with a lot more gravitas.)

'Incest man' saved from lynch mob. Pity. Also a rare example in the news of an angry mob saying "God told you to do it? What do you take us for?" instead of "God told us to picket/dramallama/threaten to kill/kill you!"

A couple of months after China passed regulations on the movement of souls after death and we all had a good laugh, the Dalai Lama has suggested he may choose a successor as whom to be retroactively reincarnated. Smooth, Tenzy.

Imagine the scene.
Tenzy: "China, you come at us with soul bureaucracy. But we have… dun dun dun… soul time travel! Go, my custom S-101, back into the past!"
Stereotypical Foreign Chinese Villain: "O noes!"
The S-101 vanishes in a portal of swirly light. The 14th Dalai Lama dies with an expression of serenity and nobility and enlightenment and all that shit.

Int. biker bar, 32 years into the past.
S-101: "I need your body, your boots and your motorcycle."
Biker: "You forgot to say please."
S-101: "I'm a non-corporeal floaty thing, dickwad, I don't have to be polite."
The S-101 possesses him with obligatory hackneyed 'smoke flowing into his mouth and nostrils' special effects and walks out.

[snip Chinese officials discussing Tibetan resistance]

Int. womb of pregnant woman in a free country not ruled by China.
Foetus on point of ensoulment: "Gasp surprise! Who are you?"
S-101: "Hola, baby. Come with me if you want to live… again."

Etc etc.

Man, this thing writes itself.

JK Rowling outs Dumbledore as gay

We here at work suspect this may have been a joke the audience fell for. It doesn't bother me either way, though. His sexuality's a non-issue to me.

I certainly don't think she should necessarily have made it explicit in the books, as Peter Stuck-Record Tatchell suggests. It wasn't relevant. She didn't say Minerva McGonnagall was straight (or not) either. And yes, Sirius/Remus fans, I don't think she's ever said Lupin wasn't bisexual.

Either way, the Stonewall quote is beyond parody. "It shows that there's no limit to what gay and lesbian people can do, even being a wizard headmaster."

(If I see one comment anywhere insinuating any kind of equation of homosexuality with paedophilia, I'm going to flame a bitch so hard their ancestors will be shouting Aguamente.)

Heavy metal star turns classical

(Another good man lost to the light side…)

Optimism has no bearing on cancer. In your face, quacks!

Though, as the article makes clear, depression can of course have an effect on long-term recovery.

However, don't let that spoil your interest in this story, which is cool too.

[video] Japan stages Robot Olympics

(Not "cyborg", fools.)

Friday afternoon news update and there's actually enough crazy stuff for a little News Trawl Extra. Besides, a little voice in my head keeps talking non-stop about yarn and maybe this will shut him up.

"Japan's Agriculture Ministry has reprimanded six civil servants who spent hours at work editing articles on Wikipedia – mainly about robots."

Wait, ripping limbs off people stresses them? Whoa, heyyyy there with your crazy theories.

What is it with all the animal murder? A cat this time, but still bad.

In Soviet Russia, cats… still fleece you.

Japan sumo boss fired over death

New currency for space travellers

Pupils wear red to support monks

Renting 'now cheaper than buying'

Except in one case you end up owning something? Very sucky. I'm at exactly the wrong moment for needing to get my own place.

Nude images shown in school talk

Athens gets landmark eco building

Great fun! I'm thoroughly engaged with this series now and very much appreciating how much groundwork Asher laid in the previous books. With a good solid number of pages — generally 500+ each time — there's a lot of bang, kablam, Dragon and [whatever noise evil mycelia make; I suggest "fzzzzippt"] for your buck.

Indeed, with the various things from the previous books all knitting together very finely indeed, I suspect the next Polity book may even be the last. Meh, hope not.

If I may go into the politics for a second (because it's interesting comparing Asher's Polity with Banksie's Culture), I'm fascinated to see even the AIs struggling with the mandatory capital punishment in their super-cool system of governance. The Polity doesn't go in much for repentance or redemption (I'm using those words free from religious context, of course, because on that topic Asher and I agree 100%), and it's… well, interesting to see Jack and King's take on it especially, them being the brains of gigantic arse-kicking warships.

I've been keeping an eye on Asher's rather cute phobia of using the word "because" ever since I noticed it in the second or third book I read. He conquered this fear at least once in Agent — I think it was the titanic AI Jerusalem who said it, too. But there was a bit of abuse of the word "myself" creeping in (i.e. used as a substitute for "me", which a lot of people do in recent days. I think it reflects a bit of linguistic insecurity; folks think it sounds more correct). Asher's also getting much better at not showing a character thinking something then immediately saying it out loud. The knitting murder mysteries I'm also reading (don't ask) do that ALL THE TIME.

There was one dubious comic-bookish trope Asher used with one of the recurring characters, which bothered me all along, so I was very happy to find that subverted. Not entirely unexpectedly, but all along you weren't sure. So Agent Cormac Cleverclogs gives himself a pat on the back; I would have liked to see more of the reaction of the other person involved to the development, though. I have a liking, nurtured by my KJ Parker habit, for tormenting characters. Ah yes, characters. In general, Asher's are slowly growing more well-rounded. The machines are still by far the most characterful, which should not be taken as a criticism.

We wants more drones, precious! There's always room for more drones!

Also, kinky Dragon sex for the win.

Next on my reading list is Zoltan, Hound of Dracula. The novelisation of the film. I am unabashed. …Well, a little bit bashed. But it's monster dogs, maaan!

That was the biggest load of shite I have ever seen.

All along Slen's been telling me I'll love this, but —

I can't believe I identified more with the token humans than with the giant robots, ok? That is never a possibility with me. But I didn't have a choice. It never managed to make me care one whit about the tin cans and their GameCube. I wanted Prime to die. He was boring, personalityless and annoying. The only one that showed a hint of personality beyond 'being black' or 'being evil' was the friggin' comedy relief boombox.

When that Token Black Bot opened his mouth for the first time, I was close to walking out.

Maybe I should have. I sat through 21 Grams, for hellsake, a film of which I can remember nothing but the single quotation that was used on the trailer, but this CGI blockbuster, which should've contained nothing more controversial than a systematic reaming of the laws of physics, for that single moment honestly offended me.

Oh man don't get me started on the physics. I was prepared to suspend my disbelief there. Cartoon, after all.

The transforming jets dogfight? Fragging awesome. (Because for once the shot stayed long enough on the action to let my eyes interpret what was going on.) Final duke-out between Goodie and Baddie? Snore. I wanted the cube shoved up Prime's arse. Hell, for a split second I thought that was going to happen. That would have redeemed this pile.

I can't believe I preferred The Bourne Ultimatum, a film that would have been better titled The Bourne Lots of Random Explosions, to this truckload of dreck.

Which one was Starscream, again?

edit: Slightly less ranty summary, as I said in LJ comments: "the film couldn't decide whether it was an origin story or a Big Epic(yawn) Battle, whether it was a human story with incidental robots or a robot story with incidental humans, and whether it was action (in which lack of characterisation would be understandable, viz Bourne which I'd enjoyed earlier the same day) or character-driven (in which case they needed far far far far fewer characters)."

Someone may feel free to correct my Pratchett quote up there. Moving swiftly on…

The Dorset chalk giant has a buddy.

Oh, you wacky, wacky Pagans. I did think our druids and so on were relatively sane and not prone to waving human rights acts and things at anyone who offends them… it'll be sad if that becomes less true.

A third of UK householders admits to keeping an "anti-intruder weapon", and half of those would use it. Only 20% of us feel safe in our own homes at night. Fascinating stats.

I admit I'm not scared of intruders in my own home. Given some kind of emergency I could quickly lay hands on the steel pipe we use to open the hatch to the loft, but I don't keep it at the front of my mind or anything. I'd be more likely to injure myself accidentally than an intruder deliberately.

On the other hand, my mother, a poor sleeper in any case, keep a poker under her bed and occasionally prowls around if something wakes her. …Yeah, I gotta move out.

Fruity Liimatainen Swiss cheese plant! <3

Sounds yummy, too. Your average living-room specimen is unlikely to fruit – most remain as perpetual juveniles — and indeed, ours never fruit.

World's first bionic hand on sale (squee!)

If you happened to acquire one of these, you would incessantly say "I keel you with my robot hand!" too. Admit it.

'Sacred' bullock Shambo is saved.

Glad for the cow, humongously freaked out at the precedent. This was a possibly-defensible decision but made for all the wrong reasons.

Sheltie squeeee!

James Marsters in Torchwood. Geek girls across the world declare their lives officially complete. (I, however, anticipate a Welsh accent every bit as bad as the Southern English one.)

I didn't think they'd make a second series of Torchwood. How, when the main character seemed to have departed at the end? Kind of liked the idea that it was a one-off spinoff. So many things refuse to grow old gracefully and are milked until they've long since jumped the shark and my grace, what a strange mixed metaphor that was.

Tests on mystery spiders at flats

Now a random work-ish link: Saint Swithin. You know, the one with the rhyme about the rain. This article is 363 days early for next Saint Swithin's Day. *coughs* (I only dashed it off yesterday on impulse because Sunday did that interview about him.)

Also, I officially can't resist The Golden Legend. I thought I was doing well only including one snippet of poetry, because there's a great, snarky one in Poor Robin's Almanac…

After Puppy Thursday, visitors to the BBC News site today can surely expect a more serious, less gimmicky—oh, my mistake; more puppies it is then.

Dangerous stuff. They have a photo gallery a;fljkae;rfk MUST GET NEWS DONE WORK YES WORK.

Still too ridiculously lenient. *hums A more humane Mikado hopefully*

Rural tea-rooms seek geisha girls

This would interest my unbrother, who has just learned the word geisha and applies it indiscriminately to all Asian-looking women. *inner sigh* I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

More things like this are needed! At least until it gets graffiti-written out of existence.

"It makes me really annoyed to think that all I did was give my name, address and £250 and I had a really dangerous animal a few days later in my home."
BBC: 'Man-eating' python bought online

Dimwit. And now this guy's blaming the system. Well, Have Your Say contributors can mock him for me.

Car insurance costs 'prompt lies'

'Tis the season all year round! *grouses*

I find the justification for the Sunday thing bizarre. "Some people like to lie in on Sundays"… er, yes? Some people like to lie in on Thursdays. Why's legislation needed?

Music players 'in lightning risk'

Guys. Hey guys. You could always refuse the money. Hmm?

Teaching aids bought from sex shops (this page isn't NSFW unless you squint)

I HAVE A DEGREE IN WHIPPET-KEEPING. Yes, at my graduation I wore a flat cap instead of a mortar board. All my ancestors lived in collieries. Because I am from teh north1!

Squeevolution. Life science is great!

Walrus-tagging adventure. (Nooo, they're taking my Tomtom, etc)

Robot unravels mystery of walking

Carbon crystal storage. Purrrr.

Cow-hugging monastics for your touristy pleasure.

The fable of Shambo the bull, written by Children's Laureate Michale Morpurgo for BBC's Today Programme. (Audio; RealMedia only)

Sickening and a ripoff of Oscar Wilde's story The Happy Prince, but still preferable to Thought for the Day.