I'm having one of those "everyone's stupid but me" moments. And feeling guilty about it.

Stupid, right? I should either cut them some slack or mentally denigrate them without any qualms.

To elaborate, then. Some of the work output by my colleagues is making me (seriously) want to cry. Not that it's anything horrible, but they've just missed the point completely. And compared to my sections, in which I carefully thought out every item - should this, logically, be a 'page two' or a different article altogether? - it's... it just looks... slapdash.

No wonder I took so much longer over my bits. I was stressing about being useless, but no, it was conscientiousness. I gave every single item individual care and attention. They fit carefully to, ok, my own interpretation of the point of the site's structure, but my interpretation is damn close to the developers' because I understood and internalised what they were doing with the design.

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I don't stammer! Why the fuck am I stammering? Is it withdrawal from those damn beta-blockers*, like the worsening tremor?

If it is, I'm not taking them ever again. Fuck addiction right up the spinal column; I'm not being enslaved to some stupid capsules. I'll settle for having the minor p-shakes back.

I'm seeing the doctor tout de s-sw-suite.

*whose prescription I keep forgetting to renew

Geez, I try to give people a laugh and I get "omg u sound sad?!?!". Honestly... Americans, if I've ever insinuated that it's only you who don't understand wry or black humour, consider this a, y'know, apology thingy. </snark>

(I think it's more that, firstly, they don't know me and so don't realise that I don't ever say anything serious, and secondly, this particular forum doesn't see much humour - perhaps they weren't expecting it. Humour is how I deal with serious things. I hate huggy support group talk and being geed up.¹)

Anyway, onto today.

Am I a frelling machine or what? I haven't eaten any food for almost ten days (literally none - I'm on a medicated liquids-only thingamabob) and people are eating delicious-smelling food at their desks (slobs) and while I'm enjoying the smell, I'm not actually hungry² or having jealousy-cravings³. Power of will, people! I spent the week before the diet alternately bingeing and convincing myself I'm averse to food. My mind is so easily programmable sometimes, it's a pleasure to live with.

And they say the first week on this thing is the worst. You mean things get better? *eg*

So, at work, today's the last day before we submit phase one of the new site (the important bits, minus the difficult stuff we excluded from lack of time and the extra things like image galleries) to the testing people. I think we'll do it in time. The others have been panicking but are feeling better now; it's all coming together.

I'm still mad, good and dangerous to know when it comes to the coding. I had the two huge sections (christianity and islam) so haven't had a chance to do any of the fun smaller ones (though I coded many of them the first time around, so my past work there has sped up the other guys!). Now I've finally finished with C&I, I have a chance to look at the stuff the others have done and shriek in horror.

¹ I like compliments, of course! But after I've done something, not while I'm doing it. The striving is a solitary affair for me.
²Nobody Western and middle-class is ever hungry. But I'm not peckish, either.
³I reckon the four main types of peckishness are:
i) habit (must be lunchtime),
ii) copycat (your chips look/smell nice),
iii) imagination (I could murder a curry),
iv) advertising (obvious)