Simply cobolled together

Thursday, 2 August 2007, 16:05

What programming languages fix.

True story I probably shouldn't admit to. A while back, I was listening to a friend enthuse to me on the phone about Fortran and how much fun he was having DDoSing sites like Habbo with it.

That is, I thought he'd said Fortran and assumed he was talking about DDoS attacks, and was thus very confused until I worked out he'd actually said 4chan and was describing a raid. Ah. /b/tard, then, not l33t h4×0r. Explained a lot. (I had never gone near either the language or the anime boardplex, but knew of the existence of both, so I've no idea why I 'heard' one over the other.)

Your geekiest misheard phrases, folks?

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Humanist weddings and inhuman treatment news trawl

Thursday, 2 August 2007, 13:06

First off, a digression into religious broadcasting. Today's Thought for the Day (read or listen RealMedia) was particularly repulsive, and for once I think Platitude (we wuv you, Platitude!) didn't go harsh enough in its review.


Animal cruelty cases that 'defy belief' (beware horrible descriptions and pictures of neglected dogs, and a horse)


Orangutans use 'charades' to talk

And more on non-human animal linguistics. There's always a risk of covering this kind of thing in a faintly patronising tone. Why don't we always start from the standpoint the researchers take in this article: that we all have brains with a lot in common, so there's nothing so remarkable that some of us have learned this useful mate-wooing knack?

Incidentally, we possess a cat that never shuts up. He always responds vocally when you talk to him, or in his presence (he doesn't understand the idea of telephones). However, he is only ever communicating a single meaning. This meaning is "Feed me, Seymour". For all his other wants, he uses the "I'll sit in front of it and paw at it/you until you understand me" approach.

Our dogs, by contrast, knew hundreds of words. I experimented as a kid with telling them stories using their keywords ("once there was a DOG who went IN THE CAR for a WALK with her MUMMY and she saw RABBITS and SHEEP and DUCKS...") and was listened to with great interest. Conclusion: retrievers are great.


Memory lapse man wins Lotto twice


Hi de ho, birdspotters... albino sparrahs!


A limited number of new DeLoreans may be produced. The power of fanboyism!

(Surely they only need to build one, then they can travel back and use the original factory after it went bust...)


Children to learn outdoor games — no, fools, we mean hopscotch, not happy-slapping.


Humanist wedding numbers increase


Aw, what! Newfie in a boat!


Sex change operations are mutilation, apparently

Argument from anecdote. Oh just perfect. "I had a molar removed when there was no need, so dentistry is bunk."

But the feeling against the operation itself may be justified. Certainly if you're female-to-male, you'd have to be pretty desperate or masochistic to risk genital surgery. Results are never all that good, and they can do some real damage if they botch. I believe male-to-female ops have a better outlook. It's easier to dig a hole than build a pole, and all that.

Anyway, here's the programme (audio Realmedia, will be replaced next Wednesday evening), to which I'll be listening with great interest when I can spare the attention.


YouTube rant priest sent on leave

Poor guy. Arsehole, yes, but who's surprised? And you have to feel sorry for anyone secretly filmed and put online like that: it's obviously a stitch-up and the boys are being dicks in order to wind him up. Because he's obviously done it before — and yes, proof. It's just picking on the mentally ill. (Why the mentally ill is in a so-called pillar-of-the-community role and has access to young people and children is another question entirely.)

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