General state-of-the-health update in the first part. Second half is Neopets-related if you'd prefer to skip to that. [Continues beneath cut.]

Having finally worked out how to use my new powerball toy (answer: much less motion in the elbow, as much as possible of the motion in the wrist), I'm now able to begin waging an organised campaign against the heartsickening tremors and general wussiness that are impairing most of my manual tasks to a degree.

Because it's got to this point: If you hear a yelp and a smash, that's Mutt unloading the dishwasher. Indeed, if you hear any sort of impact noise and some swearing, that's a random everyday object escaping my spasmodic grip. I put up with my hands spasming around the strings while trying to play bass, with lacking the grip strength to open a jar, with needing help to shove a washing basket on top of a wardrobe—but when I start to suspect my typing is degrading, IT'S ON, BITCH.

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Potter-translating French teen will not face charges

All props to him for the "near-professional" translation, I say!

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Ancient forest found in Hungary

(I say, I say, I say, have you seen my forest? No, but I'm petrified it won't come when I coal! Ba-boom.)

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Unlikely as it is, I hope Fiddy isn't frontin' here.

Oh Mutt, you're so cute when you try to talk jive like the youngsters.

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China foils fake Kung Fu masters

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Scots online for Charly?

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The perennial 'reptile in suitcase' story, to add to the marmosets under hats, etc. One has the feeling all international aeroplane flights are hotbeds of illicit pet hitchhiking, and I really have to wonder why people still think cheap air travel is a good idea. Pay peanuts, sit next to a monkey...

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Mail-order-bride-seeking Australian taken hostage in Mali

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Political effalunts. (sic, not effluents)

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Macho men are not seen by women as a good long-term bet. Oooh, I can rejoice.

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Adorable! (warning; this is what MUTT considers adorable, i.e. likely herpetile, insectile or just plain wrong)

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A disturbing picture in this animal cloning piece highlights the rampant misuse of the technology. Yes, I'm talking about the disturbingly saccharine mutant kitten. THE PAWS, MAN. THE FOUR PAWS IN A TINY LITTLE LINE. WTF.

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Python 'most influential' comedy

I guess they polled for the series most quoted to death by self-styled geeks...

The modern titles on there are unsurprising in most cases, except The Vicar of Dibley (which always was a bit pants, and what's influential about it? Repeating "No no no ner yes"?). The Office... well, me, I don't enjoy cringe comedy. The Royle Family is understated and well-written, but I never got into it. The blatant heartstring-tugging in the last episode offended me, and there's only so much devout Northernness this Northener can stand before it gets wearing.

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Finds test human origins theory

Need I say how squee sibling-species are?