Wroclaw Zoo visit, handily organised for your interest.

Cerhn: Wolves! And some kind of ruddy wild dog from north-east Africa whose name I couldn't translate; I saw a bit of one, but they were understandably in their little house out of the cold, so no good views. Wolves were outdoors, anyway. It's a long time since I've succeeded in speaking dog, forget wild dog. I did manage to get one to come over, but couldn't think of anything to say, so she or he wandered off again.

Poet: Reptile house! Which was, uh, wasted on me, though I spent a lot of time in there going aww; I can pretty much tell a cobra from a not-cobra, but that's about my limit. The tortoises, however, were awesome. I want a Hermann's tortoise - not just because the name's funny, but they're pretty. Much nicer than those effete Indian star tortues, the pansies. Lots of crocs too, though the enclosures looked too small for several of them. It's possible they go outside when the weather's better; there were some empty wet enclosures outside.

Anyone who likes giraffes: Giraffe! It licked me. Quite a lot. I tried to look gracious.

Ree: Lion! He was making a tremendous fuss over something.

Me: Aquarium, notably some utterly awesome rays. I stared at them with a stupid grin for quite some time. They kept obliging by showing me their underparts. Eeeeeeeee. And some fish and stuff. Most of the gallery was closed for work, so I didn't see anything good except for... piranhas. \m/

Slen: Tigers! Comprising two white tigies as well as a (male) Amur tiger in a neighbouring enclosure. I took photos with Slen's mobile phone, having (GRR) no working camera. The Amur deigned to spray the plexiglass near where I was standing. Charming. The female white came over and ate grass at me. Considering the limits of the old Nokia, I got some GREAT close-ups. And ran out of photo room. Picture a grumpy mutt slumped in front of the tiger glass (with a big Auric lying on the other side - we would have been touching if the glass hadn't been there) desperately trying to work out which pictures of the damn cat Slen wouldn't mind deleting for the sake of toothy tigie smiles.

Me: Lynx! About the only cats I really like, these guys were very unbothered by my pidgin Domestic Cat (smile, blink, rinse, repeat), though they kept a sharp eye on any keepers who happened to be driving past in their electric milk float things. Must have been nearly lynx lunchtime.

Me again: Serval! These things are great to watch. (I put one in Mews because they rawk.)

Anke: Owls! Not much to say about them, because I was more interested in the ramparts, so saw them all from above. Was generally ignored.

Snog: I looked for the fox, really looked, but there wasn't even the enclosure where the map said there was. (I BLAME YOU AND YOUR SPAWN FOR THIS.)

Humans and Pratchett fans: Chimps and orangutan! These guys were very unimpressed with me, and I can't blame them. I don't speak any chimp apart from knowing not to bare the top teeth. I had turned to leave before hitting on the inspired idea of brushing my teeth at them. I am not joking - both the orang and a lady chimp LOVED seeing this.

Ree: Puma! By this point I was tired and cold and unobserved, so I let it know what I think of it. (Mutt: "Wriaaaow! Yeooow!" Puma: "Yeah, whatever.")

Ungulate fans: Petting zoo! Everything bolted FAR away from me on first sight for some reason. I wasn't having this. You can become surprisingly popular with darling little lambikins, dear little nanny-goats (and a shy billy) and many a squealy baby pigu if you know how to extract half a carrot from behind someone's food trough and bribe people with bits of it.

Bear fans: Bears! The polar looked utterly bored. I liked the one (looking it up now, I think it was a spectacled bear) who came and stood in the moat and waved at me. The grizzlies, by contrast, were proceeding in a very suspicious manner around and around their enclosure, clearly planning evil. Or just bored out of their big bear skulls.

I didn't see ANY dogs today, which just goes to show... something or other.

Title lyric: intentional misquotation, When a Wooer Goes A-Wooing. Poor jester.