This does not count towards my year's target. This does not count at all. It doesn't exist. I never wrote it.

the dark darkness

the knife rolls relaxedly
down
my arm
with the gentle skinlicktickle of
liquid blood
but the knife is blunt
no blood today

Not-written because I was having a conversation with Anke about writing feedback communities (I'm quite getting into this advice-giving malarkey!) and how I don't always have anything helpful to say to other people's posts, and got onto the sort of poetry I can never help with because I just don't 'get it'. I can't help it. My brain doesn't consider formless, non-rhyming stuff poetry, not in the sense that I enjoy poetry. I do consider this a personal failing, but not one that impoverishes my life to a great extent.

And after all that, I can think of nothing but No Milk Today by Herman's Hermits, a truly fantastic piece of songwriting that never fails to make me happy.

I've made certain I can show this to you all now. The press launch was last night.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/thepassion/

Supporting a BBC One drama due to go out on 16 March and over the rest of Holy Week.

(It's got Wedge Antilles in it, you unwashed geeks.)

For my purposes, the main interesting thing is that it's the first site to use the new Embedded Media Player and one of the first to use the new 'Barlesque' programme page templates (name is a pun on previous system, called Barley).

I didn't get to do any design or building. Just populated templates, wrote a couple of the biographies and asked annoyingly incisive questions of the article writers.

In shocking news, no ladies have proposed marriage to me today.

(That's good, because I have ethical objections to providing kisses and silk gloves.)

Red trouble still on the lam.

To aid your essential research into this matter, Charlie the Songdog sends this.

Why didn't I get one of these?

No impact from Energy Saving Day

Children's mags 'damage writing' ('Mags'. I rest my case.)

Robbers in Sydney are clever enough to target a bar during a biker meeting.

Plan to teach baby robot to talk

Hands up who immediately thought of Susan Calvin in "Lenny".

Mattress boxing. (Coming soon: mattress happy-slapping.)

[video] New Amur leopard baby. Beware, explicit pictures right from the outset, which some viewers may find highly distressing. *coughcough*

A good start...
Today I cleared my desk at work (very easy, lots of old paper to shove in the recycle box and some CDs to recycle later) and also halved the size of my email local folders at home (again easy; any LJ comment notification pre 2008 has bitten the dust. I caught myself in a mood where I wouldn't fret too much about all those ones marked as unread/follow up that I never will deal with).

A bit happier now, but that was merely the scummy surface of all the junk in my life.

Hope to have the new site to show you soon. There was a bit of craziness this morning where some files on which our entire site depends got changed to completely different versions... so our new site is up on the web and working as far as I know, but not quite ready to show off yet.

[Video] Synaesthete meeting. An audio-visual pianist describes his experience of sound, and there's someone with a visual-taste mashup. Pure gold for anyone interested in this kind of thing.

[video] "The owners of a dog say their spaniel has mastered such sophisticated tricks there is nothing more they can teach her."

I was going to make a few sarcastic remarks, but was sidetracked by the D'AWWWWWW. Curse you, British media! *shakes fist*

Dog survives swallowing a skewer

Not nice. Large predatory animals' remains found mutilated. Very weird story.

Memory issue 'hits 10% of pupils'

Web desktop targets 'cybernomads'

(Very Web2.0, i.e. requires latest version of everything and a broadband connection.)

Google bets on Android future

Steven Spielberg's video game debut is a cutesy puzzler.

Details emerge on YouTube block

Did YT remove the clip? I'd missed that little buried detail. I suppose that'd be bloomin' Google caving in again.

(Organised Dog writes news posts and forgets to post them. Organised Dog is organised.)

New BBC homepage has gone live.

Earthquake felt across much of UK

Oh yes. I woke up and found myself trapped in my room by a fall of books. One of the bookshelves behind my door had toppled. Good job the house didn't catch fire or anything, because it took me ten minutes to get out.

How can a dog sniff through concrete? Because they are that badass.

New search powers lead Firefox 3

Victorian houses. Lots of those around the prettier bits of Manchester.

'Doomsday' vault opens its doors. I hope they have pomegranates and blueberries and bananas and darn it, now I made myself want fruit. And pecans.

Cocaine's brain effect revealed

Germany cleared in Parmesan case

Huge pliosaur. Can I get a HELL YEAH!? Lots of happenings at Svalbard today; clearly it's the place to be.

("we assembled all the bones in our basement" <3 Imagine the geeks down there sipping Djew and complaining when their mums come in to do their washing.)

'Misleading' Nutella TV ad pulled. Advertisers are evil. Then again, how anyone can believe a jar of Nutella is equivalent to a handful of hazelnuts and some milk... I mean really, people, how thick are you?

Hospitals see rise in dog bites

Poor dogs with stupid owners.

Roger Waters to play 'final' Dark Side of the Moon gigs

Hah, this May in Liverpool? Do want.

Legal row over zombie video game.

Execumutt Summary™:

Romero: "Zombies in shopping malls is my thing! You can't do my thing!"
Capcom: "That isn't your thing! You don't own it, your name isn't on it!"
Romero: "There, I licked it! Now you can't use it!"
Capcom: "MOM!!"

'Da Vinci link' to chess drawings. (Waah, I want pics, not generic file photo!)

"Leonardo is thought to have understood chess" - yes, yes I imagine that would have been within his faculties. Pfft.

Radio-tagging bumble bees

Meme stolen from animans_animus. You cannot spot where there were two numbered questions missing and I cunningly inserted some.

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BEST THING EVER.

Flavoured foods 'lacking fruit' (Guep Lefrui has fainting spell requiring copious smelling-salts)

Crowds flock to monkey 'wedding'

Omg arranged marriage.

How do car-share cameras count humans?

Iran's 'diagnosed transsexuals'

Homosexuality is punished by death in Iran, but transsexuals are allowed. I needn't rant about how much this muddies the waters as far as sexual and gender identities go.

Conversely, over here, if I should let slip that I'm slightly homoromantic to those family members who know of my secret weird neutercreature tendencies, they'd go "oh, so you're just gay". Because gay is acceptable over here, and much easier to make yourself understand.

Because the media ram home how we're all special unique snowflakes, but at the same time, dog forbid tolerance and understanding actually require us to change how we think about things and categories.

Or understand that some people don't think like us at all, not at all:

Most autistic adults 'isolated'

Must be a privileged position to be able to assume everyone else thinks like you and will understand you. I've never been in that position. I must always start from the assumption that I am alien to everyone else, and when people interrupt my speech trying to finish my thoughts and get it completely wrong, I'm proved right.

I can see how realising for the first time that other people think in a completely alien way would be incredibly scary. The death of a comfy bubble generally is.

Shout out to these guys. Readjustment to overweening influence of Legolas-fanboys NOW! ;)

*sigh* Someone show me a puppy. I'm stressed as hell and getting worse each time the interweb is grindingly slow or programs are crashy. HomeSite doesn't want to work for me at all. Keeps semi-loading and crashing. I'm reallllly. Really stressed.

As in "can't string words together to coworker" stressed. Just blanked on the word Friday and had to say "the last day of last week", then when explaining the software things to manager I blanked totally and had to buy time with "sorry, every time I get stressed I can't speak, haha—yes, it's partly loading and then crashing."

Stressed and stumped for coping strategy. Here's where my past self would have gone and bought a chocolate scone and smoothie...

...reboot. Then call IT if no joy. Above all, think silky-eared dewy-eyed stump-of-a-tail-waggling thoughts and don't attempt to kill anything. And if they have green salad downstairs I'm ravaging it.

(There's a better title and it's just evading my grasp. Will update if it makes itself known.)

Something Lacking

My hand, when it drops to my side, finds a puzzle:
no skullbone to stroke and no sniff of a muzzle.
No eyelash, no whisker, no cold-sweating nosey,
a cranial dearth. I'm devoid of a nuzzle.

At nights my discomfited feet huddle frozey
despite double duvet. It could be I'm dozy,
or poor circulation's to blame. I've no theory—
yet somehow my chamber is all things but cosy.

Proceeding to work unaccompanied, bleary,
in earphoney trance unaware of exteri
or stimuli. Autist. No sights worth attention.
Except ones that bounce by on leads looking cheery.

My fingerless glove by my side in suspension.
The tram station's cold-shouldered hilltop ascension.
No friend dogs my footsteps. My hearthrug is empty
except for a cat, which is all the more wrenchin'.

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*having nothing interesting to say, rambles about music*

The Scarecrow by Avantasia is well worth making the effort with. I've been listening to it repeatedly, it's grown and I haven't enjoyed an album this much for quite some time. Ayreon's latest, 01011001 (= ascii for the letter Y), is likely to receive the same treatment.

Downside of The Scarecrow: no discernable storyline, discounting the ramblings about love. Upside: no friggin' elves either.

Downside of 01: I resent having Mr L's hippie anti-singularity stuff pushed on me. Neutral comment: it's an unashamed continuance of his Final Experiment storyline, and I like the gall of that even though it's a silly storyline. Upside: general prettiness, dolphins.

Darn, and I can't find the CD case or booklet just now. I've been idly wondering if the psychiatric nurse in The Truth Is In Here from 01 is played by 'Merlin' from Final Experiment. No idea if their voices are at all similar, I just think it'd be funny as all hell.

And you know what? Someday someone will write some beautiful metal about a magpie. Don't get me wrong; crows and ravens are cool to a holy hellbolt sort of degree, even this avowed bird-disliker admits that, but where's the luv for Pica pica?

(I mean. It's pied, it struts, it cackles; why isn't the Trickster crowd at least giving it some credit? 21.6k Google hits for magpie+trickster, 157k for crow+trickster, 226k for raven+trickster. Come on, gang, I know talking birds are by far the coolest, but still!)

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Can we teach people to be happy? asks the Grauniad. On balance, I agree with the cynic.

[video] Slimline laptop review. Usual gravitas and in-depth treatment from the BBC.

[video] Stem cell fracture treatment - good stuff starts at 00:38

[video] Scottish wildcats.

14×14, a sonnet zine (hey, that rhymes) linked to me by chibibluebird. How fabulous.

Particularly liked Advice to a Wraith, Cow Falls..., Oneironaut and especially Old Apple in the first issue. (Snog might like White Feathers, and comic fans Wonder Woman. I giggled at the Shaft theme.) And Going Down and In Her Hip Pocket in the second, which is full of love and therefore not as interesting.

Still. I know I'm probably being grouchy and you're allowed leeway with meter, but I can't help thinking "if only they scanned perfectly". I can't not, you see. Perhaps it's a weakness.

And they're right over at WritingFeedback. Most of the writers in there don't seem to capitalise line beginnings unless they're the start of sentences. That's a completely new idea to me (I'm not the most observant) and I still don't like it, wah wah grumble.

The tremor continues too. It's affecting my mouse clicking particularly; I click once, the system interprets it as a double-click, or I click and drag to select and the system deselects it again. (I know it isn't the mouse; tried replacing that, cleaning it, etc.) So that means tremors at a lower level than I can detect, more or less constantly. As well as the stress-induced macro fuzzies.

So, affecting my productivity? Check. (As if we didn't know.) Really must get onto the GP and harry someone to look after me.

It's freezing in the office today. Am sitting here in my cheap scallyish puffy coat and considering putting on my hobo gloves. In the middle of the office, in the middle of the day. ...Yes, I will put on the gloves. Fingerless typing gloves for the win. *throws up topless horns*

Important edit: Despite strange random letters (which I'm told I shouldn't have got in the first place without being warned beforehand), I'm assured that I will still have a job come end of March. :)

Yes, it's a fictitious song not a poem. Deal with it. :) No, I've no tune in mind.

The Jolly Pirate Ship

as recorded by Sylvette Lastude in "Selected Folk Songs of Central and Eastern Terrimoire"

Call-response requiring two singers (or teams of singers), A and B, with chorus.

A: I saw a jolly pirate ship
(Sing solid, liquid, gas and sand)
B: And what was on that handsome tub?
(Sing liquid, gas and sand-oh)

A: The holds were filled with figs and limes,
all brought aboard from warmer climes.
It was a quirky pirate tub.
(Sing liquid, gas and sand-oh)

B: I saw a jolly pirate band
(Sing fluid, granule, ground and air)
A: And who was on that dauntless crew?
(Sing granule, ground and air-oh)

B: The crew was golds and goblins all,
adroit and hardy in a squall.
It was a motley pirate crew.
(Sing granule, ground and air-oh)

A: I saw a windblown pirate jack
(Sing vapour, droplet, stuff and gloop)
B: And what was on that flutt'ring flag?
(Sing droplet, stuff and gloop-oh)

A: It showed a smirking vixen red
with striped bandana on her head.
It was a crafty pirate flag.
(Sing droplet, stuff and gloop-oh)

B: I saw a scowling pirate king
(Sing grainies, water, ice and steam)
A: And tell me of this fearsome chief
(Sing water, ice and steam-oh)

B: He had three lemons in his grasp
and velvet cloak with silver clasp.
He was a strange feraisai chief.
(Sing water, ice and steam-oh)

Sylvette Lastude was a gentlesapient scholar in the mould of the more famous and gender-ambiguous Gery Illumin. As with all Lastude's recordings, of all possible iterations of the song, the version as written is the most likely never to be heard in real life. This is put down in large part to the effect of a pretty, prim and proper feraisai face on the vocabulary of your average young man in a pub.

In practice, the order of the refrains ("Sing fluid, granule, ground and air") depended entirely on which words the singers in question could remember.

edit: and there are minimal changes to make an Earthling version in the Livejournal mirror comments section.

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