A fun (and short) story: The Lady, or the Tiger?

Being also a nice example of the Sadistic Choice, which itself ranks highly on my writerly list of Things To Throw At My Characters (And Make Them Stick).

Experts who clean National Trust buildings show how it's done.

Lack of sleep mucks up old people's proteins.

Note that "Sleep in mice is characterized by short periods of inactivity". Wow, science!

This is awesome, not because they kept the poor mice awake with brushes(!), but because the complex systems that keep proteins properly folded are easier to baffle if you're old. Understanding them is the first step to keeping them in good nick, which will lead to immortality. And mice with death rays.

Surgeons list their top inventions of the last 60 years.

Hey, kids! You can get two marks in your English exam simply for writing "F##k off" - even if you don't use punctuation.

A comparative study of canine teeth in primates.

This is awesome because they don't know why we monkeys have such strong fangs. Were they for fighting? Mating displays? Particularly hard Pleistocene toffees?

They have also discovered that if our teeth were too big, they wouldn't fit into our jaws. Wow, science!

I miss the Neanderthals. Neanderthals were awesome because they existed alongside us. They were clever and sophisticated, not flint-waving savages, but they still bit the dust. Losers.

Battery hens get new life as pets.

Hens are underrated. They are descended from tropical pheasants. They can also grow teeth. STEALTH TEETH. How scary are hens, huh?

Biblical text-writing may have poisoned monks. This is awesome because "cinnabar" is a pretty word.

Relatedly, link found between brain damage and people who underline a lot of things in red ink.

Hospital doctors are working in short sleeves for reasons of Hygiene

A baby potoroo, a little rodent-looking marsup (cute), is out and about after mum hints that he's getting a bit big for her pouch these days.

Gilbert's Potoroos are awesome because they eat root-dwelling fungi (symbiosis is naturally awesome) and weigh a friggin' kilogram - and look at those talons.

Children with guns. The clip is well worth watching.

And finally. Architect designs rotating building (embedded video)

OK, granted, obligatory "OMFGcoolz" from me. Still, though, why?

I bet it's noisy, too...

Not news: funny b3ta-originated parody of British policemen and children's books.

Apparently not.

(This is supposed to be he.)

White expanse of fur
Summer moult sprawls open-legged
Licking its fat self

This is not a proper haiku with serious haiku-ingredients, although it does happen to contain a season.

Silicon photonic crystals key to optical cloaking. This is awesome because DUDE, invisibility cloak, at least for a given value of 'visible'.

Coils of ancient Egyptian rope found in cave. This is awesome because despite being a single kind of fibre (apparently Egyptians weren't big on cotton-poly blends), they have no idea what the rope was made of. And it's pretty good rope, adventurer-grade stuff.

Finally, an "epic Bill Gates e-mail rant" (a very polite one) in which Gatesy tries to install Movie Maker on his home computer.

This is amusing because I had been under the impression that someone in charge of something like Windows must surely run his own custom OS on his own PCs. You mean they actually use their own products?

edit: LOLOLOLOLMHHAO

http://wordle.net/ makes word clouds from text. Although it isn't any use for web development, because it only outputs a graphic. (For text output, use other tag cloud tools.)

Anyway, I put Mews into Wordle. The result (790×346 px) is behind the cut.

read more...

Ageing muscle 'given new vigour'

Rejected tiger adopted by dog (video)

You may know that the old "glass is actually a liquid that moves reeeeally slowly" rumour is bunk.

Glass is awesome (and weird) because it is not technically a (crystalline) solid or a liquid, but an amorphous solid, just like wax, a bunch of plastics and candy floss. You can even get amorphous ice. (This may or may not become important later.)

Science Daily reports that some folks at Bristol have found out more about what glass gets up to when it cools. This is awesome because it will result in metallic glasses. Metal glass. \m/

Turns out the differences in the brain between the sexes are long-established (but, to cover their backs, the people announcing this emphasise that these differences may not actually mean anything, please don't send us burning faeces).

This is awesome because it's purely about the brain rather than the damn glands. Am I ever sick of glands. But I wish science writers would not use the word "gender" when they mean "biological sex".

What I like about scientists (proper ones, anyway) is that their response to "You've been wrong all these years. This is a more accurate theory" is "Wow! Yay!" [Here's where I'd insert a particularly cute quotation if I could remember it well enough to Google it.] Here a team from the European Molecular Biology Laboratory says "Geneticists: you're doing it wrong" and there is general rejoicing.

This is awesome because it's already shown that new additions appear in DNA much more often than was thought, while deletions happen less frequently than was thought. We're all succumbing to software bloat!

I've been browsing the new BBC's new 'topics' pages for a while. (More about these, how they work and less-technical faq.)

They have pages about autism, dogs and books, which wins them points from me. Feeds of the aggregated content are apparently coming soon, which would be nice.

I watched Flushed Away at Paul's over the weekend and was kept happily entertained spotting all the references to other films (including, this being an Aardman Animations co-production, both Wallace and Gromit at separate points). Disney's Beauty and the Beast was my favourite, but I was also amused by what seemed to be a Terminator 2 reference—and no, nobody said "hasta la vista, baby".

As with any Aardman film, pay attention to any books or video cases that appear on screen, because the titles are guaranteed to be horrible puns. I didn't spot anywhere near all the references, particularly because I wasn't actively looking, but here's a full list.

The opening shots had me chuckling to myself ("ha, yes, this is exactly the American conception of London") and later on I was surprised by the stereotypical Yankee tourists. Can you still get away with that? Didn't they market the film in America?

I am so sick of capable, practical female characters who know judo being contrasted with useless, ham-fisted male characters who know nothing.

We'd just watched X-Men 2 beforehand, so I helpfully added "Charles!" while the villain spoke. Now I think about it, the whole Magneto-Toad connection is... heh heh heh. *ribbits spasmodically*

Overall, though, among all the references, cool as they were, and despite a generally pleasant time, there was nothing much about the film that suggests filmmakers of the future will be referencing it in their own cartoons.

Hey! Hey! Listen! Is it ok if I borrow your dog and take it to Glasgow?

OK, that's it, I'm voting for this man. He clearly has cojones of rawhide.

'Camera' takes photo of LIGHT. Badass.

Spinny thing to predict fluctuations in the earth's magnetic field.

You want a robot man to hold you tight. One that you can count on every single night.

Which makes this seem suddenly inevitable.

In pictures: Ugliest dog show

Chinese Cresteds are NOT ugly. They're frickin' class. I do find it hilarious that these humans are going "well, our species did this to your species, now we're going to laugh at you, ha ha, yuck!"

Now this, on the other hand, this is ugly. (And it's coming after your children. (To make them ugly.)) Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly. Disturbing.

*runs away*

That day of days is here!

What am I on about? Why, Baby, of course.

Sci-fi workshop at my old uni! And damn, if I'd heard before now I would absolutely have gone.

Time for peace in the whaling world?

Meteorite could hold solar clues (contains video with patronising presenters and fantastic interviewee)

In Pictures: Spore at last! Eeee!

Are Britons miserable? We asked some moaning minnies website readers.

Traditional costumes of any sort are instant humour. These are Welsh outfits.

Birds damaged in oil spills get new pool

Idiot runs around after penguins.

Aardman Animations' charming animated film Chicken Run is apparently Zionist propaganda. Yes, the thinly-veiled references to POW camps were actually heavily-veiled references to concentration camps. Obviously all the Great Escape references were clever lies/complete coincidence/overlooked because the pious mouth-frothers haven't seen many classic Western films. Amazing!

edit: vagina dentata! what a wonderful phrase!

How Ubisoft makes computer games (video). I have no idea why it shows the presenter and interviewee yapping instead of what's going on on the mocap person's screen. Perhaps he was surfing Wikipedia.

New research on octopus memory. If you remember nothing else, remember to swim slowly past eight arms that octopuses are wonderful.

Advert featuring a school uniform striptease ruled inappropriate. Good.

Dementia burden 'could break NHS'

Sing with me. Where can you get poisoned by insec-ti-cide?

Nurses to be rated on compassion. Oh yes, just what we need. More retarded targets. Goody gumdrops.

Sun-free garden for girl with xeroderma pigmentosum.

More on xeroderma pigmentosum. And more.

The Caribbean monk seal is extinct. WELL DONE, EVERYBODY!

Egyptian pharaoh's 'missing' pyramid found. Meanwhile, ancient typo discovered in Discovery's headline. (Or possibly that was AP's doing.)

How not to have an Olympic mascot nightmare: have a little dignity and don't make it hideous.

(I don't really see why every darn thing needs a brand/snappy name/mascot, but my antagonism towards advertising and marketing practices is well documented.)

Pets abandoned because owners' irresponsibility with their money extends to their dependents, to whom they have a legal duty of care but apparently nobody gives a stuff about that. Horrible people.

Alpacas killed in dog attack.

More mental maths in primary schools (video)

50th anniversary of first computer to play music. (audio) Sorry about the choice of tracks. *wince*

Cardboard bike unveiled (video). Again, apologies for horrible patronising presenter and vox pops.

Bee species outnumber mammals and birds combined. Boggling. Yay!

Dog eaten by street sweeper. One of those "you shouldn't laugh" stories. She was a very (and I'm not being the least bit sarcastic here) pretty puppy.

Disabled dog honoured for rescue

Armada cannons go boomsplut! (embedded Flash video)

The Timewatch programme about the dive is planned to air late this year or early next, I've just heard. They will recreate and fire the weapons. More from the programme site.

Birds taught to sing (video). (I sincerely hope this clip was aimed at children, because that presenter is even more patronising than is usual for BBC breakfast tv.)

edit: Neil Gaiman interviews Terry Pratchett—with exclusive Kidby illustrations. Squee.

Somehow it's 21:55 now. I seem to have been all day editing and sorting photos, and I'd already started the job last week. Wow.

Slen and I booked last week off work to celebrate our unbrother Paul coming back from Ireland, go on loads of day trips and generally have ourselves a time. Well, the whole part where Paul was supposed to be with us didn't go according to plan, but Slen and I managed to do most of the activities I'd planned without his company—or his car.

Alton Towers, 2 June

Pirates are this year's thing at Alton Towers (site), the theme park in Stoke-on-Trent. They've opened a new themed area with battle galleons (which we considered, but it looked as though we'd get rather wet) and piratey shows and shops. These two swabs were found at the gift shop, where Slen also bought a swashbuckling t-shirt to wear at gigs. Yarr!

Also wonderful to hear was Slen bantering with one of the actors from the pirate show. I shall quote from memory.

Pirate (obviously noting Slen's long, unkempt hair and general dress sense): "Ye look like ye've just escaped someone's crew."
Slen: "Arr, I'm a mutineer and proud!"
Pirate: "Good, good. We need more like you around here."

Slen was wearing one of his T-shirts, which is black (of course it's black) and bears on the front, in pink Impact font, the message "Nobody knows I'm a lesbian". Slen is a man.

Pirate (seeing shirt): "Does nobody know that, then?"
Slen: "Aye, well, they do now."

We arrived early and got on Air, a newish rollercoaster, and also Nemesis, with minimal queueing. Queues and crowds were very slight all day, it being a school day.

On the Runaway Mine Train was what seemed to be a wedding party. Two of the girls, sitting ahead of us, were flirting with the operator... who proceeded to send us round four times. We found this awesome, but the young girl waiting at the head of the queue wasn't impressed. "We want to ride too, you meanies!" she shouted.

I got a picture of the pagoda from the Skyride cable cars. Here's Ripsaw, which we eschewed.

We went into the petting zoo for a while. They have a singing barn full of animatronic animals. Horsie and dog and horsie alone, taken with Altivo in mind. And the legendary singing hen—I'll let the captions on Flickr tell the story.

Since I last came, several years ago, they've turned the haunted house into a laser gun game. It's nowhere near as good. But check out the zombie and friend outside.

There were lots of ducks. (If you like mallards, here be more.)

Here are all the day's photos if you prefer to browse on your own or want to see what I've missed out.

Chester Zoo, 3 June

Best if you just look at the photos for this one. Our Chester Zoo trip

Our mother came with us on this trip and a good time was had by all. Tigers were fed in our view, as were lions, condors &c. A panda was distantly sighted. A plushie panda was bought, as was a black t-shirt with tigies on it (for gigs at which he doesn't play his pirate song, presumably). I got mad sunburn on my forearms, which is gently peeling even now.

In the evening we saw Sweeney Todd, the Sondheim musical. It was great. Loved the epic song at the end of Act 1, and also the opening of Act 2.

We didn't do anything on the 4th because of aforementioned difficulties acquiring transport and accomplice. (For the record, I'd planned Flamingo World in Yorkshire, with a production of The Sorcerer in the evening.)

Manchester, 5 June

In Manchester we saw the Lindow Man (wiki) at the Mancester Museum (site). Photography wouldn't have been welcomed, and besides, there wasn't much to see. You could spend some time listening to the audio interviews and reading the extra material. Honestly, though, it wasn't all that interesting (still, you can't beat the admission price).

Then we rushed off to Sportcity, which is a sporting arena and the Manchester City football club ground, to see the Chinese State Circus (site). They had a tent set up in the car park. It was a much smaller show, and less well attended, than I'd expected—but, again, it was a school day. We liked the Lion Dance, the diabolo handlers and the aerial silks.

The Monkey King ringmaster/announcer/clown was rather obviously miming along to pre-recorded dialogue, sometimes seeming to slip into miming the wrong language, which was cool because it made me wonder about all the other countries they must play in.

The wushu warriors were... good but brief. I recognised a lot of steps, but it was more of the showoff smashing of bricks and lying on spearpoints. I wanted to see more sparring and kicks! The beauty of the form was what made me fall in lub at first sight with this particular style of martial art. All in all it wasn't enough to make me want to take up classes again. (I quit because the instruction wasn't what I needed; not enough individual attention, and I just got nervous having to finish my kicks before the next guy could go. I wanted to learn, but in the end I don't find humiliation and stress fun in the slightest.)

We didn't have time to rush to the Lowry to see The 39 Steps stage adaptation, but that was ok because I had deliberately not booked tickets, not knowing when the circus would finish. Instead we went to the cinema and saw Doomsday (imdb), which is, well, completely freaking insane. Ha!

Birmingham, 6 June

On Friday we visited Cadbury World in Bournville. Cadbury World (site) is... chocolate themed. Very chocolate themed. It's part factory tour, part kiddy attraction.

Taking photos isn't allowed in the factory areas, but I got a few shots with bad flash in their 'history of chocolate' exhibition. Aztec calendar wheel, pirate ship (pirates are clearly the unofficial theme of this week) and fountain head thing.

These were in the shop. Just... what. :o (No, we didn't indulge.)

On the forecourt... was this thing. Rockin'.

In the evening we saw Return to the Forbidden Planet (wiki). It's a very, very awesome combination of Shakespeare, 1960s songs and campy sci-fi—honestly, I couldn't ask for anything more in a stage show.

A final note that all my photos on Flickr that are linked from this entry are licensed with a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial licence. (Or if they aren't, it's by mistake, so please let me know so I can change them.)

Rescue

10 June 2008

An asphalt rambler, thumbnail-scale
with tentacles a-waggle:
this is, I have to tell you, snail,
a silly place to straggle.

I stoop and, plucked, you soar and land.
I fondly beg your pardon;
you'd thank me, could you understand.
Enjoy your nice new garden.

Draft #1 written for Erin for no apparent reason. It was edited with help from the WritingFeedback bods (because, aptly, it needed a lot of rescuing itself).

Diesel Sweeties archives are available to download in PDF ebook form under a free Creative Commons licence. It's a pixel comic with robots and romance. I used to read it and seem to remember the early stuff was ok. (Red Robot is cool.)

Physicists produce quantum-entangled images of - what else? - cats.

Now, certain brain cells, pontine neurons, are built in the rear of the brain and trundle around for a bit before settling in the cerebellum. I never knew that. And now someone's worked out how they do it. It's a molecular carrot-and-stick approach.

Here's an accessible explanation of pontine neurons and the happy Hox genes that tell them where to go. The same genes, if messed up, can do things like causing insects to grow legs in place of antennae.

Stolen dog reunited with owners. Saluki/greyhound, gorgeous.

Nasty woman fined for tail docking. Says there's no demand for undocked animals, boo hoo, spectacularly failing to get the point of the new legislation that (at last) classifies tail amputation as unnecessary mutilation.

Docking is bad, ok? Your tail's a limb, with bone, blood supply and nerves, but it's also used for communication. There's no exact analogy for humans on the physical appearance and balance side of things, but as for the social—let's play pretendy, kids. The lower half of your face has just been paralysed in a horrific Botox accident. Oh, you can still talk (your tongue, jaw and brain work fine), but your speech is slurred because of your lips and you can't even smile to let strangers know you're friendly. Imagine the inconvenience, and in some cases danger, you'll be put in. And by the way, I lied. It wasn't an accident. Your mum did it to you. She thinks you look prettier this way.

I happen to like many of the breeds that have traditionally had their tails amputated, but if I bought a puppy (as opposed to rescuing an adult dog, something I'm more likely to do) I'd never buy one that had been mutilated. (The only problem with rescuing an amputee dog would be having to explain to everyone that I wasn't the one who mutilated him.)

Neglected dog found on roadside, believed to have been imprisoned in a cage for years, is put down. Hope they find and disembowel the culprit.

The dog that is visible from SPACE a surveying plane! (vid)

Man-bashing isn't feminism. Good article, not very good examples.

Primarily because nobody in the examples insulted anyone on the basis of sex, thus meaning the author of the article imposed their prejudgements about traditionally masculine interests on outwardly non-gender-related whinges, mentally adding "and this is because he's a man" to the whinges before proceeding to demolish them.

Peruvians seek relatives in mass grave

WTF is a polyclinic? Get on the waiting list for an answer Find the answer here.

Prevent E. coli with a handy-dandy patch of E. coli! Very cool.

Oh look, an instrument I might be able to play...

Ah! *taps head* I knew there was a reason I liked blueberries.

Oh boy, bloody Pluto. This whole debate has been sentimental codswallop. I can't stand it. "Oh, I grew up thinking it was a planet" or "I'll have to relearn my mnemonic"... what? Why is not being a planet 'worse' than being a planet, for a start? Unless you deny outright that there are other Kuiper belt objects, in which case you must find Asteroids a reeeally pointless and brief game, I honestly don't see why Pluto's made any less cool by calling it WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS.

Here are suggestions for new mnemonics, but be warned that they are from The Internet. (Which means, for future reference, smut, filth and disrespect. Sort of like British comedy, then, except less likely to be funny and accompanied by even more pictures of cats.)

Cremello (cream) foal, only the 4th in the UK (video)

Tangentially amusing for me because I plan to have a minor character in the future be cremello. Yeah, I never said it was VERY amusing, but now at least I know how he looks as a baby.

Monkey at the Olympics. Looks cool.

How would antimatter act with gravity? Might it fall up? A few groups are getting ready to find out. Dun dun dun!

Non-magnetic materials have magnetic spin too. This is awesome. If you don't understand why this is awesome, it is awesome because it will directly result in mutant electric silicon-based man-eating life forms with radioactive tentacles. TOMORROW.*

Of interest to librarians and literacy teachers and parents and people who read: remedial reading lessons permanently improve the bits of the brain that do reading.

*may be a lie