Black Dog Blog

Archive for July, 2009

• My Hobby: Rehearsing in my head for conversations that then proceed not to happen. #
• Brain, dear brain, now I finally have too much work instead of not enough, I could REALLY do without your daily 15:00 falling-asleep habit! #
• #vss "It's my imaginary friend," little Donny said to his therapist. "Between you and me, I think he has Dissociative Identity Disorder." #
• #vss Some folk can drink coffee sensuously. Or bananas, that's easy. My girlfriend eats apples sensuously – and it's not a good sensuous. #
• #vss He asked the annoying little kid "Is there anything I should know? Like I'm dead, or imaginary, or something?" An innocent head-shake. #
• Fighting a light-exacerbated headache and losing; thinking of giving up and going home to feed the Resident Patient… #catsitting #
• Missä koirat ratsastaa siellä lampaat ei voi laiduntaa (Hah! Vuh! Hah! Vuh!) Can anyone check/correct my #Finnish? I read it off a pizza box #
• I'm not, if truth be told, a neat and tidy chappie myself, but our kitchenette here at work gives me OCDish twitches. #
• WHY ARE PEOPLE POINTING FILM CAMERAS AROUND MY DESK? WILL NOT BE PLEASED IF I TURN UP ON FILM. Pls stop leaning on my chair, Huggers. #
• Eeee, got a pic of the final painting from the artist. I need to see if I want any final tweaks, then she'll send it. Eee! #
• Has just been contacted by Ouch & asked to comment on the McKinnon case. "I'm not a good talker," I said- unconvincingly. (Charisma roll 1?) #
• Is not looking fwd to #metrolink closures. Recently my body's decided it needs 10 hrs sleep just to cope with life. Many early nights ahead! #
• And my new PMP is in for repair, my hair needs cutting, and like OMG, LIFE'S SO HARD. Sadly for my emo teen cred, I'm really rather happy! #

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Goosebumps: The Barking Ghost by RL Stine
I've read this one already: it's a children's book, and not particularly noteworthy, but has an amusingly silly twist and a bonus shapeshifting angle. Not scary for me. (Goosebumps is a churned-out series of scary books aimed at young readers. I sorta admire Stine's ability to put out so many words.)

Ghost Dog by Eleanor Allen (Young Hippo Spooky)

The Dog who Knew Too Much by Carol Lea Benjamin
and A Hell of a Dog by Carol Lea Benjamin
(These are billed as "Canine Murder Mysteries", no joke; if these two are good I'll collect the rest)

Dogs (1976) horror film

The Ghost Dog by Pete Johnson

Ghost Dog by Dick Cate

My library, let me show you it.

Reviews shall come. At present I've almost finished reading Hellhound Magic, which deserves an entry to itself.

The Crow Paradox: crows can recognise you, but you can't tell them apart.

Moral: if you're a human, don't harass crows – unless you're wearing a mask.

• I deliberately bought the weirdest-looking smoothie I could see. "Spirulina, barley grass and kelp". WTF? It's delicious! WTF?! #
• Sometimes a chap just has to dive under the doormat & wait for his toys to be waggled in paw range. This is one of those times. #catsitting #
• (@onpause @dansumption Tangentially, YouTube has a "hide all comments" option. It'd be wonderful if we added that as a site-wide pref!) #
• Someone at work remarked "I don't think I've ever seen an iPhone user make or receive a call on it." This amuses me greatly. #
• Which reminds me. I still need to hang the Hound of the Baskervilles posters I got last time *I* was in the vicinity of Baker Street, NW1… #

• #vss "If you're sober enough to ask, you're sober enough to drive," Max slurred, shoving the keys in the vague direction of Andy's chest. #
• #vss "Mum, it's Martians!" "Don't believe all your brother tells you," Ann said – so busy, she failed to hear "But they already took him…" #
• #vss We huddled under my duvet with a torch, talking in hushed voices, eating biscuits and pretending the crumbs were Venusian sand fleas. #
• #vss "This one time, I was killing this girl," I began, then stopped myself. For some reason he doesn't like anecdotes that begin like that. #

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• Low-density mood / buffeted by shifting winds / like a limp balloon #haiku #
• Outwardly serene / kicking, thrashing underneath / duck-pond-surface man #haiku #
• Nightwish song in head / cheerful mood, no witnesses / dryer drowns my sins #haiku (No I don't sing in the bathroom…….. often) #
• Cabin in the Woods etc, meh. This is the film I'm most looking forward to. http://bit.ly/6gK3f (via @geekami) Then see http://bit.ly/2qaRcF #
• Thanks 100% to @biuhbui. RT @scifirules: Weekend Box Office Results: Talking Guinea Pigs Top Harry Potter http://bit.ly/vLIG #
• #vss Suitov examined the 9mm thoughtfully. "You know, one could duplicate this more efficiently with a spell." "Even the bang?" "Of course." #
• #vss She jammed it harder against his pansy ponytailled head: "I said talk!" "Pull that trigger and let's see what happens," offered Suitov. #
• #vss Piper crested the fence, heart pounding. A van! In HIS road! Deep down the ex-stray had always known they'd come to take his food away! #
• #vss "I obey the First Law," the robot observed. "Good to know," I smiled at it. "However," it mused, "you're not MUCH of a human being." #
• Leaving for board gaming night. Late, but I didn't like the look of that flash deluge. #
• I lie to the cat. "You're such a lucky boy. When *I* was a cat, I had to pay £15 for my dinner." Sometimes I lie about quantum physics, too. #
• Oh hey, nice beach photo available under CC licence: RT @Foomandoonian http://flic.kr/p/6JRhXm /Gormley should take note for next sculpture. #
• #vss If your ladyfriend grew up traumatised from fighting endless vampires, don't compliment her pretty neck, Suitov warned himself firmly. #
• #vss There were three suns and no shade. We crawled under the crashed lander and debated exactly when our water would run out. Far too soon. #
• #vss The anonymous admirer had started leaving Sarah flowers again after six months' absence. She didn't know he'd been in prison. #
• I've just bought a Goosebumps book because it's about a ghost dog. Ghost dogs! Admit it: as niche obsessions go, mine's pretty cool. #
• And a good video with James Nez. http://bit.ly/4cAWe RT @shoes_bags: Just Jack – The Day I Died. Such an upbeat tune yet sad lyrics. #
• Tall, pale mage with hellhound familiar. Completely tone deaf, won't refuse any woman's plea for help, the coldest bastard ever. #aboutmypc #
• Brother Weft: sadistic, insecure monk/assassin. He loves to knit, can't relate to women, thinks he's cursed and denies being gay. #aboutmypc #

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• Low-density mood / buffeted by shifting winds / like a limp balloon #haiku #
• Outwardly serene / kicking, thrashing underneath / duck-pond-surface man #haiku #
• Nightwish song in head / cheerful mood, no witnesses / dryer drowns my sins #haiku (No I don't sing in the bathroom…….. often) #
• Cabin in the Woods etc, meh. This is the film I'm most looking forward to. http://bit.ly/6gK3f (via @geekami) Then see http://bit.ly/2qaRcF #
• Thanks 100% to @biuhbui. RT @scifirules: Weekend Box Office Results: Talking Guinea Pigs Top Harry Potter http://bit.ly/vLIG #
• Leaving for board gaming night. Late, but I didn't like the look of that flash deluge. #
• I lie to the cat. "You're such a lucky boy. When *I* was a cat, I had to pay £15 for my dinner." Sometimes I lie about quantum physics, too. #
• Oh hey, nice beach photo available under CC licence: RT @Foomandoonian http://flic.kr/p/6JRhXm /Gormley should take note for next sculpture. #
• I've just bought a Goosebumps book because it's about a ghost dog. Ghost dogs! Admit it: as niche obsessions go, mine's pretty cool. #
• And a good video with James Nez. http://bit.ly/4cAWe RT @shoes_bags: Just Jack – The Day I Died. Such an upbeat tune yet sad lyrics. #

• #vss Suitov examined the 9mm thoughtfully. "You know, one could duplicate this more efficiently with a spell." "Even the bang?" "Of course." #
• #vss She jammed it harder against his pansy ponytailled head: "I said talk!" "Pull that trigger and let's see what happens," offered Suitov. #
• #vss Piper crested the fence, heart pounding. A van! In HIS road! Deep down the ex-stray had always known they'd come to take his food away! #
• #vss "I obey the First Law," the robot observed. "Good to know," I smiled at it. "However," it mused, "you're not MUCH of a human being." #
• #vss If your ladyfriend grew up traumatised from fighting endless vampires, don't compliment her pretty neck, Suitov warned himself firmly. #
• #vss There were three suns and no shade. We crawled under the crashed lander and debated exactly when our water would run out. Far too soon. #
• #vss The anonymous admirer had started leaving Sarah flowers again after six months' absence. She didn't know he'd been in prison. #
• Tall, pale mage with hellhound familiar. Completely tone deaf, won't refuse any woman's plea for help, the coldest bastard ever. #aboutmypc #
• Brother Weft: sadistic, insecure monk/assassin. He loves to knit, can't relate to women, thinks he's cursed and denies being gay. #aboutmypc #

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• A designer rips off someone else's site, real owner punishes him (see it before he fixes it)! RT @kianryan: http://www.looneydesigner.com/ #
• Someone called me by my old name and I was so confused, as if it was alien jargon. Good sign. It hadn't been "my" name for years, anyway. #
• Still wondering if I should attend the meeting or go and see a film. Moon (scifi thriller) looks good. #
• This is ridiculous. Meeting/cinema? Just because real people are involved, I'm leaning towards cinema. Argh. No, meeting & call it research. #
• My head is still all over the place from last night's meeting. I may cry, I may murder someone. Came close to both before reaching work. ??? #
• Anti-sociopath discrimination!!! I'm not fixxing HER boxx. RT @geekami http://bit.ly/4wuZOQ #

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• Collateral #film is excellent. Silly L.A. prosecution attorney though. You'd think she'd never been the target of a professional hit before. #
• Trying a first ever WordPress skin, hoping it won't end in disaster. CSS is nothing new; I've just never done PHP beyond phpinfo() before. #
• Why's there no en-gb .mo (British English language file) for WordPress? That's just bizarre. #
• Hey #geekup! RT @almostwitty: has [...] four boxes of Amiga and 16-bit computer magazines, when games needed 512k of RAM. Anyone want them? #
• #vss Every time he cut off a head, two more grew in its place. It made for a profitable business: Herc's Hydra Head Cheese. #
• #vss "Who are you calling a kitty?" snapped Weft, glaring up from his ball of dusky rose eyelash yarn and hefting a needle with dire threat. #
• Singing raucously "Any truly cultured music stu-dent knows…" #disney #aristocats #
• Hrm hm. I have a feeling FM&T aren't going to let me go. Which suits me fine. I need the xp and it's nice to be wanted and have stuff to do. #
• This evening: meatspace meetup near to my workplace, or cinema? Or both? If cinema, what film? ("Antichrist" votes go straight to /dev/null) #
• If this vapid young lady is Irene Adler, I'm Bart Allen. http://bit.ly/MEsQt That's not The Woman, it's a cheap Soho tart. #holmes #fail #
• Things that surprise me: Folks who don't know how to insert a page break in Word (Ctrl+Enter, FYI) and instead use multiple line breaks. #

"4chan bloxxored by AT&T!" story listed separately. It was fun to watch the posts shift from retweeting of the original breaking story to retweeting of the more nuanced article.

• Oh holy lulz. http://bit.ly/1NH57
  #ATTcensorship Join in the legal pwnage in a responsible manner. #
• RT: You may not care about 4chan but this is the first step in internet censorship; who knows what they will ban next? #4chan #ATTcensorship #
• RT @mikesasserjr: #ATTCensorship I don't visit or use 4chan, but this is bullshit. AT&T is no better than the Chinese government. #
• AT&T 4chan debacle: Here's a link substantiating the alternative, DDoS claim. RT at will. http://bit.ly/dqVBj #4chan #ATTcensorship #
• RT @SteveD3: AT&T blocks 4Chan – censorship or response to an attack? #4chan #attcensorship http://bit.ly/gDjUu Also see http://bit.ly/dqVBj #
• AT&T 4chan story: slightly more complicated than it seems. http://is.gd/1OJqZ @schmitty @Manuls @Seej500 @terjess @JuanoBano @RyanPaulHansen #
• AT&T 4chan story more complicated than it seems http://is.gd/1OJqZ http://bit.ly/npk5M @Autarkis @gaz2002 @cheezeball73 @vakeno @netribution #

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• http://twitpic.com/bkom4 – Painting update, with Pretty Girl mostly finished. Cute Animal next… #
• http://twitpic.com/bkom4 no, it's not meant to be the Google Chrome logo, it's my colour palette… #
• There're many things you never think to ask about someone until you paint her with a big tiger. Does she like gold or silver? Rose or lilac? #
• http://twitpic.com/bkwx2 – Tiger, pre finishing. #
• http://twitpic.com/bl41a – Getting very tired, which is why I do detailed parts first. Roughing in background. #
• http://twitpic.com/blcw6 – WHY did I include LEAVES?! Almost done. Then hand will compete with eyes to flop first! #
• http://twitpic.com/blgvh – I think that's about finished. This has been Herm Tweeting Tiger Painting ™. Thanks and hope you enjoyed. #
• MUST STOP TWEAKING. OK, I'll just fix this one more thing that annoys me. Oh, and that. #
• http://twitpic.com/bm83l – The young lady likes her gift. Everyone present asked if the tiger is my brother (her boyfriend). I hadn't th … #
• #vss They told him "You can be roasted on a slow fire and fed to the crows, or go back to working for Suitov." Weft had to think about that. #
• #vss The natives had come to negotiate a ransom for Weft. "What do you want for him?" Suitov asked. "We'll give you 500 to take him back." #
• #vss "How did they treat you, chum?" "Unprofessional, squeamish morons. Hah! They didn't even torture me," scoffed Weft with acidic disdain. #
• #vss Weft found Suitov had put up "Missing: Have You Seen This Monk?" posters in his unexpected absence – and didn't speak to him all night. #
• #vss Even knowing for sure that it was being friendly didn't help the acid burns and inflamed sucker marks. He groped for the rancid treats. #
• #vss They had her hemmed in, a deserted side street. Knives, a sawn-off and expectant leers; suddenly she no longer found midgets funny. #

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Today I did a painting, and very tiring it was too.

Giant tiny kitty!!!

I tweeted it as I went, so you can skip back through the stages.

This is fairly obviously an in-joke of some kind. There's a whole anecdote about a toy tiger and a pot plant.

• #vss Shiny steel bore down on the innocent noodles. They twisted, but the fork had them fast. Then they got nommed by a lovely media person. #
• Am I the only daft punk rocker who always wants to sing Harder Better Faster Stronger along to Duel of the Fates? #onesongtothetuneofanother #
• #vss She was amazed to find when he said "tits or gtfo", what he meant was "I love you." Even more amazing was the day she pwned him in PVP. #
• *sings* But the spammers came back, the very next day… *BLOCKBLOCKBLOCK* #
• How the eff fast am I in Photoshop, then? #geekup HA! #
• Just been offered a case of beer for ten minutes' arsing around in Photoshop… am I in the wrong career? Nope, I like this one. #
• Discussing #asexuality on LJ comments. "Yeah, I've never actually felt lust towards anyone." (But I occasionally want to bite cute people.) #
• …And "cute" is defined by such criteria as "knows the plural of forum is fora". #
• I have just realised how many tabs I have open in my work Firefox. Erm… a LOT. Anyway, long past time to go home. #
• #vss No matter how far he came in life, he remained secretly afraid that if nobody wanted him, he'd be weighed down with bricks and drowned. #
• #vss It's unfair for one person to get all that male attention, but I didn't resent her. I got my pick of her cast-offs, nice boys all. #
• Right! Art Time! This one will be…. yet another pretty lady with a cute animal. Typecast, here I come. It's for girlfriend-in-law's b'day. #
• Sketch! http://www.twitpic.com/bk75b Now I show it to a real human to iron out all the anatomyfail, then after a rest I'll 'paint' it in PS. #
• Got called an autist because I had both left arm & left leg forward by mistake. :P This is why I get humans to check things. "Tiger's fine." #

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• Find self using phrases like "mayfly-esque example of transi(s)tory ephemerality" in casual emails (about files getting repeatedly deleted). #
• I am assured by a female colleague that bow ties are only sexy when unfastened and worn with a tux. Menswear is unpredictably complicated. #
• #microfiction "You mean I have to do a good deed for the day EVERY day?" "The clue's in the wording." "I thought it was a figure of speech!" #
• RT @juarez161: #vss tag is superior to #microfiction. It uses so few characters where you are already very limited. — I may convert… #
• Resisting urge to say @ChessTweets "NB3=" I don't think I'm quite that much of a troll. Chess surprisingly fun spectator sport at this pace. #
• #microfiction #vss John woke up that morning to find Twitter's character limit reduced from one-hundred-and-forty to -thirty-nine. THE HORRO #
• #microfiction He broke off. "We mustn't do this. I – mustn't." After a pause he added: "I didn't mean you should stop." #
• #microfiction "Turning into a dragon means you're evil," he declared with surety; "ever done that, Suitov?" "Not I. Never shall. So tawdry." #
• Swine flu wipes! Doing my phone (I have a phone?) headphones and desk. I bet this is the most excited web devs will ever get about cleaning. #
• If, like me, you wish your sight wasn't too bad to be a pilot, you may like the cute instrumental Aviator Soul: http://bit.ly/1ELIz #ocremix #
• #vss Fireflies are dancing about my head, but all I see is the leather-bound first edition that just passed by under a beautiful girl's arm. #
• #vss This shorter hashtag is more agreeable to me. My natural mode of expression is necessarily verbose, some might say bombastic. Indeed, I #
• #vss Shorter hashtags are for those who MUST find something to say, even when they needn't. #
• Hey @dogopolis, wonder if they serve sweetcorn? RT @ridiculant: Poo-themed restaurant: http://bit.ly/9q2l6 #
• #vss I don't care about the stupid hashtag. Just stop writing microfiction in which I get chased or eaten by slimy fangy monsters. #
• #vss The bulbous, oozing nightmare bore down on Weft. He fought like a fury, but the mucus was too viscous. Then it was on him and chewing. #

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One side effect of my recent inability to wake up in the mornings, even with Rock Radio Manchester blaring at me from the radio alarm, is some really weird half-waking dreams. Let's see, last night/this morning:

Main feature was that my brother had been kidnapped (and you should choose death rather than mess with my brother, because it'll be a lot less pleasant than the wrath I'll visit upon you. Just, y'know, FYI). I was heading out to sort this out.

This is Filibuster. The neighbours think they named him Fergus, but they are wrong.

In the front hall I passed one of my mother's work cases, which had developed a hole. Soil was pouring out of it with a dry wiffle noise. It later started spilling white powder instead. I wondered vaguely if this was a bomb chemical. (No more CSI for you.)

Otherwise the main event was to do with ladders. I declared that the flimsy rope ladder held up by safety pins, for dogssakes, would obviously not support my body weight. My companion, who was much lighter and possibly a cat, climbed up it to demonstrate, but then the tightrope unravelled under its feet and it was forced to conclude that I was right. We spent some time looking for a more stable way to climb to the upper platform. The purpose of this was never explained.

(Have just had to pause typing while I was summoned to come and see the neighbours' cat, whom I have named Filibuster, and who has shown up in our house this morning and begun falling over on everything hoping for tummy tickles. He is usually not disappointed.)

By now I've forgotten all the lesser dreams, but they were weird too. The other 'main' dream involved my somehow stumbling into a web forum frequented or run by Jack, my internets ex.

Jack was a writing partner and, well, I see no need to tell the whole story because the upset and hurt at our eventual split has faded to the point that I barely remember his existence, and indeed am surprised that my dreaming module does at all.

(Have just been summoned AGAIN to see the aforementioned cat trying to cram himself into a box half the size of a shoebox.)

Jack was present, along with his right-hand person who never showed up except when he was there (to the point that I used to wonder if they were the same person and Jack had invented them as a sock puppet to agree with everything he said! This was later disproved to my satisfaction), and some others I didn't know.

Jack had just posted a message (or written a note; for some reason handwriting was also involved) saying he'd seen I'd dropped by and everyone, this is Mutt [my handle, or one of them] and omg <3 and wasn't it nice of me. I cannot imagine Jack being like this.¹

(All RIGHT, mother, no need to come in and tell me the cat is now sitting in the bath asking for a drink.)

I needed to reply, which for some reason involved instructing them not to use the wrong pronoun for me(!) and some other administrative issues. I was debating whether to tell them I'd been the one who saved their website from going offline by picking up the domain and hosting costs. (Honestly, reptile brain, web doesn't work that way.)

Judging by the overall tone, this dream was an indication that I'm empowered and free from all that past negativity and all that hippie stuff. All very fine and Oprah. I just wonder why I'm dreaming about him at all. I feel nothing towards him now. Encountering him again would be like getting to know someone new, not having someone grateful and pleased to see me like he was in the dream.¹

The whole web-hosting stuff may have come from my re-registering a dropped IRC channel last night, mind you… and I do still keep our old domain name active, in case any old friends should look for us there. Oh well.

¹ This would have been more believable.

He wasn't that bad, most of the time, but he had a passive-aggressive, attention-seeking side and he expected to be taken as terribly seriously as he took everything else. Don't worry, I was a severely depressed teen when I knew him, so I was probably nearly as bad in my own way.

Anyway, basically, this isn't a portion of my life I'd decide to revisit out of the blue.

• If I won tickets to @FreshAwards from #GetFreshWithGeekUp I'd share with whomever asked most nicely. I'm down wit' the digi-puter-ists babe. #
• When Salford happens, will they have to stop referring to Manchester as "the regions"? #them25demarcatestheknownworld #
• A couple of scorchers from @NameYourTale recently. http://is.gd/1GEaw http://is.gd/1HF1q And this one's, like omg, cute: http://is.gd/1GuY8 #
• Enjoyed Jeff Wayne War of the Worlds http://bit.ly/1d8BUR and now playing @FionaSarah 's album from http://bit.ly/r0z5u also, am hungry. Gr. #
• #microfiction He believed in sensible names for pets. His first cat was Sid. Then James, Madge, Victor. His first daughter? Desirée Cherish. #
• #microfiction "Marry me, Caz!" "Did that work on your first wife?" "Certainly did." "Pity she never agreed to a divorce." "…Oh. You know." #
• Fielding crisis call from bro: some html source sifting to get at the .movs he needs to watch before job interview in <1hr. IT support yay. #
• #microfiction She was so heavy on his knee nowadays. Her face, framed by amber curls, fixed on his. "Another story, Daddy!" "Just one more." #
• #microfiction Finny McFinnerson mouths the water surface eagerly. Geoff wonders what they put in these Num-Flakes. Such a vivid red colour. #
• Just seen, for the first time, a detailed breakdown of exactly what skillz I need for the role I want. It felt like reading holygrail.xls… #
• Mind you, only a *subset* of PHP, Zend, XSLT and Photoshop? I want them ALLLL! (I know nothing about Zend; is it fun?) Need a JS course too. #
• Things That Are Yummy, part ???: Delphi low fat houmous dip with olive oil, got from 8th Day. Even I can taste the diff vs Sainsbury BGTY. #

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• Sometimes, I obsess over "What if someone demanded to know what I was thinking right now?" I'm not sure why. Fortunately, nobody cares! #
• Jake Lloyd rocks… no, literally, he rocks back and forth. (RT @scifirules http://bit.ly/DmBkR ) Is he #Aspie? #
• It always surprises and confuses me when someone on #GeekUp says "Herm is right". Hehehehe. #
• Good luck to @JenShahade – expect no mercy from this lot. ;) I'm getting into this @ChessTweets thing – purely as a spectator sport! #
• When seeing your reflection makes you burst into "Hungry like the Wolf", it's a sign that you need a haircut – stat. #
• #microfiction "I'm worried my life may be too unusual for you," he said. "No, no!" she said. Then a giant bus came and stomped on his head. #
• Lunch make Herm introspective… tried to make it readable, if still unavoidably alien. http://hellhound.net/blog/1588 #

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As I've posted elsewhere:

People often seem to think I'm horribly nervous, either because of some postulated eccentricity in my expression and mien or because I have a tremor in my hands. I'm sure I could exploit this more, but it generally just annoys me when people mistake "deep in eager thought" for "depressed"/"dear frightened lambikin"/[whatever it is real people think], bug out and put on kid gloves.

Personally, I think it's an encoding issue.

I feel a little sorry for real people, faced with someone who claims one thing but seems to be feeling the opposite. Hollywood and soaps teach us that when this happens, it's what the individual says that's incorrect. In other words, the individual is lying, putting on a brave front (this is lying for positive reasons and seen as misguided instead of bad) or in denial. The crucial point, always taken for granted, is that the others have interpreted the individual's body language and expression correctly in order to make their diagnosis. When that's not true – when they can no longer rely on their instincts – then the problem starts.

When'll they introduce 8-bit Unencoded Translation of Feelings for wetware? </geek joke>

Because, well, yes, I think it's an encoding issue – a matter of broadcasting mixed or incorrect signals. However, thinking more, I think a common cause of anxiety among real people may also be to do with withdrawal: not withdrawal symptoms, but the act of withdrawing (either physically or 'mentally', so to speak – retreating into one's own head).

In humans and other familiar social animals, moving away from others or losing interest in their surroundings is a bad sign; an indication that something's wrong. (All right, then, a 'symptom'. Ha.)

If you're wondering, I have concluded the previous from the following observations: these are signs that humans report in their pets that mean the pet is probably ill or in pain, and they are also signs that seem to upset humans when seen in another person – for example, me. I think I've also seen other animals (again, other social animals) respond to similar signs in a similar way, either getting upset (hisses or shifting feet) or trying to investigate or comfort (wag wag, plonk chin on lap).

But, that's in real people. For the autistic and aspie contingent, withdrawal is not necessarily a sign of stress. It's a natural state. I live in my head most of the time. It isn't that I retreat here; I come outside to talk to real people, and then I come back inside to rest. It may be because I'm stressed, or it may be because I want a breather. (I've learned to self-regulate to avoid getting badly stressed.)

Similarly, my natural state with regard to proximity to humans is a comfortable distance away. A comfortable distance is three or so body lengths, so I come outside my comfort zone to hang around nearish to you. Be happy! I choose to do it. I could always be housebound instead, or wear a hard-shell EVA suit. Imagine sitting behind me in the cinema THEN.

If you're wondering, my referral to people not far along the autistic spectrum (so-called 'neurotypical' folks) as "real people" is done in the spirit of dark, unsettling humour. My use of the word "human" is merely literal; human, as opposed to another animal.

As for withdrawing emotionally, perhaps that depends on the individual. I give a lot of my surface feelings away, the vast majority of it liable to misinterpretation because of the corrupted signals I broadcast. I don't think anyone can fathom my thought processes, but that's not a big problem, because that's one of the things I like to talk about and compare with real people. When there's no time for mutually assured comprehension, though, or bad communication gets in the way of important work on a deadline, then it can become a problem.

In which case, the only advice I can give you is: believe what I say, not what I emote. Because, unlike most real people who claim they always speak their minds, I do speak my mind. Oh boy, do I.

(At any rate, I believe people should be allowed to experience the consequences of their choices wherever practical. Whether you refuse morphine or another piece of carrot cake, I'll take you at your word.)

I think a good Holistic Grail for a high-functioning aspie would be to be seen as "that socially awkward, technically proficient one who is uncomfortably honest", and not 'disabled'.

• Yes, darnit. I've had people from music teachers to cleaners spontaneously compliment my singing voice. I WILL go for singing lessons, nyah! #
• Does the BBC prefer cats or dogs? I searched Redux for 'woof' and 'miaow'. Even after adding 'meow' to the cats' total, dogs are ahead. #
• Some nice bruises coming up on my arm. Practising my sneer and "Should see the other guy". The truth "should see the dog" somehow less cool. #
• 114 people know the true metal, says http://fakefollowers.com/Suitov – Ves & my second cousin are 'fake' and presumably also wimps & posers. #
• 1999, won second place in a young people's poetry contest for my poem denouncing… poetry criticism! http://bit.ly/N8QS1 #lameclaimstofame #
• I once walked past Johnny Vegas in a corridor. I gave him a vague smile, which he returned. #lameclaimstofame #
• #microfiction The first animal we raised to sapience was the chimpanzee, obviously. But whose idea was it to do the seagull next? #
• Mr. Crane vs C3PO. Not that I have any doubt as to the winner; I just want to see the fight. In high def slo mo. #robotwars #nealasher #

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