Archive for the ‘asex’ Category
An asexual hero.
November 12th, 2009 | 
Author: So apparently the ladies love celibacy. Hey, ladies! Over here, ladies! White Knight complex at 12 o'clock! I will be oblivious to your advances. I will actually blush and run away if you attempt to tongue-kiss me. SEXY, EH?
Yeeeaaaahhh, they so want me.
Roleplayers: why NOT to ask someone to write a female character to give you children
What occasioned this post was a request made to me by a writing partner a long time ago. I declined the request. You'll see why. "Ten years later" is pushing the definition of a snappy comeback, but this post is really aimed at other guys who might have this idea.
John Boy, as we'll call him, had a male character. His Vision™ for his character, he'd decided one day, included two children whom the character would raise. His request: "Mutt, will you write a female character who'll have these children for him and then hand them over?"
As it happens, the idea of writing female pregnancy gets into some deep problems for me, and I never intend to do it. I don't recall that I'd mentioned this to John Boy in the past, so he gets a free pass in this instance on the insensitivity front.
However, when I told him I would never be comfortable writing a pregnant woman, his suggestion? "Maybe she's from a species where she has to breed in order to become a neuter." OK, so… forcing a transgendered character to breed in order to line des gender up with des sex? That was insensitive. Chaps, we're all pretty smart here. Let's all agree never to suggest this to a transgendered person, OK?
Anyhow, those are my personal issues and we'll lay them aside. Now here's the response I wish I'd given all those years ago, to help John Boy understand why asking any writer to make up a woman character, in order to give your man character instant children, is somewhat on the odd side.
Actually, John Boy, my personal horror at writing pregnancy is not my only problem with this suggestion. The main issue is that you want a female character whose entire purpose in life, at least from your point of view and your plot's, is to have children.
I hope even you wouldn't remain unmoved if someone in real life were to say a woman's only purpose is to be a mother… but that's what you're asking here. I have to admit, I expected better from you.
Consider also that your gay Marty Stu is going to have to force himself to sleep with this woman – or, more likely in your universe, use hand-wavey magical insemination, so that he doesn't even have to touch her – and then he will expect her to give up the children and never bother him again. This doesn't sound like an attractive offer to any self-respecting woman.
John Boy, your offer is rejected firmly and without prejudice, and I hope if you think about what I've said you'll realise why. My advice to you is to write a frog woman and have them spawn in a pond, or, preferably, rethink the plot idea that requires a woman to bear your character two children and then disappear.
We'll leave our imaginary ten-years-younger John Boy alone now. We just gave him a lot to think about. We're older and wiser, though, so here's another point for you to ponder…
Do you know what pregnancy does to a woman's body and hormones? I don't have much idea, for the obvious reason, but I know it's huge. To take one example that might cause a particular problem with this 'plot' idea, women don't always want to give up their children.
Sound obvious? But really, they don't always, even if they were OK with the idea beforehand. This is not because women are nuts. Your mother was a woman. Everyone's mother was a woman. And that's rather the point. We humans evolved to what we are because mothers have a strong bond with their weak, helpless spawn, who remain helpless for about 6 years and weak for at least 8 more. You don't put up with a burden like that unless you love it, and this is where your hormones, leaving nothing to chance, make sure you do. Sometimes they'll go wrong or a woman will feel able to overcome the effect, but that isn't predictable.
This is why you will read in magazines about women acting as surrogate mothers, who find themselves unable to give up children they've carried for another couple. Repeat, this is not because the woman is nuts, or a liar. Chances are she had every intention beforehand of carrying through with the agreement. I doubt she really wants to bring up, on her own, the child of a man who's in a relationship with someone else. Not even for the child support payments (seriously, no woman who is in touch with reality ever gets pregnant because she thinks it'll make her rich). But you can't always help whom you fall in love with.
Conclusion: women don't always oblige by breeding and then handing over their children, even if that's what your script says.
This post only is: 
licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Attribution to Herm Baskerville with an optional link back to this page. (The author would prefer that you link to this post, in case de edits or improves it.)
Posted in asex, gendaargh, personal, writing | 
Tags: gender, pregnancy, roleplaying, women | 
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Dexter
Sunday. Do washing ready for work, rip up eggboxes, take out recycling, find soulmate…
I bought season one of Dexter on DVD because I'd heard unbelievably positive things about it, and never got round to watching it on television.
I watched an episode last night, and… well, as a result, today has been an archive binge to finish the second of four discs (six fifty-minute episodes total). Tangentially, this being a Region 2 set, the subtitles are in British English, which is sooo goooood.
I now have a crush on the main character in a way that only narcissists will truly understand.
Basically, it's very good, and funny, and overall yes. Also, serial killer mating dances are freaking hawt! Almost as hawt as mage mating dances, even.
P.S. Hawt in an asexual way, as should be obvious. ;)
"Seduction style" meme
Large graphic in this entry…. if it's working. If there's a broken image, that's rather annoying.
Postgate and other news
And feel grateful I don't post a maudlin Bagpuss quotation.
Postgate's work was dreamy, safe, surreal, gentle and top-notch in quality terms. Bagpuss was one of my favourites growing up. We won't see his like again. That sort of wonderful, subtle stuff doesn't get commissioned these days.
Scientists in Austria say they have found a basic form of jealousy in dogs. WOW, SCIENCE. If you discover a social animal that doesn't feel jealousy, that'd be news!
Virtual world for Muslims debuts. (It's about more than religion, honest.) I wonder how long until it's raided… by channers or police…
Inside a US sex addiction clinic. "Have you ever tried… y'know… not having sex?"
I don't really need to tell you how sad I find that, as a happy and very relieved asexual.
Finally, awesome dog owner and sign language for the deaf… Dalmatian.
Ours knew sign language among other spoken languages. It's useful for signalling when they're too far away to shout, or when they get old and like to claim they're deaf (naming no names, Apricot!).
Ghost Town review
A singularly unmemorable name (I typed "Dead City" first, stared at it and then remembered) for a pretty good film, Ghost Town.
I liked it. I cackled a lot. I recommend it.
What I liked a lot about Ghost Town:
- DOG
- Dialogue
- Sadistic humour, oh yes
- General Britishness of the humour, especially in his interaction with his coworker.
- English accent YES YES YES
- Gervais is an atypical leading man for a rom com – middle-aged, British and funny, and not completely castrated by the end.
- I particuarly liked Gervais leading because the last time I saw him Hollywood-side was a cameo in A Night at the Museum, in which he played the pigeonrole for a British actor: a stuffy, ridiculous and ineffective character.
- Sometime I'd like to see a hunkish male get together with a dumpy, nerdish female who DOES NOT take off her glasses and suddenly become Miss World, and is sexy because she's intelligent and witty.
- Supernatural element; these always help to avert boredom.
- 'Sidekick' character also flawed, rather than playing perfect advisor to flawed hero.
- Lack of religiosity
- Relieving lack of schmaltz in general. In fact, what's the word I'm looking for here? Oh yes – unAmerican. I'm seriously amazed that both writers are from Wisconsin.
- Beatles song
- No sex scene
- Retro nurse outfit. Um. Was cute.
What I disliked:
- The romance. Yes, it was a rom com so I expected it. I still thought "just because you like him, why are you equating this with lust and naughtiness?" (Then I got annoyed, because as above, you'd expect someone looking like Gervais to play a "funny British non-romantic-interest friend" role, and that's annoying too. Dammit.)
- Bloody New York bloody City. I'm bloody sick of the place. Things bloody happen in other places, you know! They even had to bloody well lampshade a bloody stupid plot point concerning the setting!
- Needed moar DOG
Content warnings: Routine dental procedures.
Oh, and there's a pretty Egyptologist. I'm just saying, looking at nobody in particular here, REE.
Diet… also, Hell Rover Bandies Geekisms.
I'll probably start privlocking these update posts, don't worry. I know diets are terribly boring for those who aren't involved.
But I was either 86.4 or .6 this morning, can't remember now, and thinnnnngs can only get better.
I think the reason I do well with the shakes is that not eating at all is, to put it bluntly, a rock hard thing to do… whereas eating salads is the realm of pansies, girls and metrosexuals, none of which I am, at least full-time.
(Actually I like salad—or salad components eaten separately, depending on the component—but the canteen at work changed hands and the food there is rubbish now.)
Now, fun with anamagrams.
Herm Baskerville:
"Leash Verb Milker"
"A Berserk Hell Vim"
"Barks Eviller Hem".
Herm Diogenes Baskerville:
"Barking Redeems Evil Holes"
"A Berserk Helldog, Semi-Vein"
"Barking Heeds Eviler Moles"
"Love Lies, King H B Redeems. Ar!"
"Hell Rover Debases Mike. Gin!"
"A Helldog Ember Rives Skeins"/"A Helldog Ember: Knives Rise"
"Hell Rover Singed Iambs. Eek!".
My favourite: "Hell Rover Bandies Geekisms".
(Weft suggests "Tutor is Achieve" or "I Teach Vitreous" for Ice. Ice suggests "T' Few" in a Lancashire accent for Weft. Weft suggests "alien stab" for Basaltine. Basaltine suggests "Fake it twisty" for Weft. Weft is now not speaking to Basaltine.)
Celibacy is the key to a long life!
Clara Meadmore is Britain's oldest virgin at the age of 106. She says she has no regrets and says staying single is the key to a long life. Why not, I say? Good on her.
Hear an interview with Clara and discussion with some other people on Radio 4 Woman's Hour.
HighLOLights of the discussion section:
5:35–5:50 (I don't hate men! One of my best friends is a man!)
7:04 "my friend who's single" (rofl patronising much)
While we're here, though, let's draw a distinction between lifestyle celibates and asexuals.
The benefits they mention do still apply to asexes, of course, but for us it's less-and-more than a lifestyle choice. Some humans just don't feel any urge to boink. We're them.
Worst habit: Filling in memes?
"Me" questions in this meme refer to the person you got it from. In my case this is: Charlycrash.
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
I have lots of serious familial and friendly relationships, thanks.
02) What was your dream growing up?
I've never had any idea what I want to Do With My Life, only what makes me happy moment-to-moment. And that's weird to say, because most people for whom it would be true live lives completely opposite to mine. I don't bungee jump or go clubbing or take drugs or anything.
03) What talent do you wish you had?
I was thinking the other day of something I wished I could do… I can't remember. Maybe accents. Or general hearing acuity; I'd like to be able to tell what a schwa is or when something's out of phase. Hell, just not falling asleep to the sound of certain specific people's voices would be most handy in meetings and presentations…!
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
How would I know? If you know my drink preferences, it'd be something like grape juice with peach, lychee juice, melon juice or things of that nature, although I'm quite happy with apple. A virgin strawberry daiquiri if you're really trying hard. Please talk me out of ordering the carrot juice; I keep forgetting I hate it.
Robot legs: smarter than the average bare foot. (news trawl)
Plans for new Torchwood revealed. I predict moar zomgmalekissing.
Well. Say what you like about the juvenility of it all, at least someone's doing it. Let's hear it for saturating the market! Because I'm jolly sick of gay kisses making headline news as though they're rare and pervy and controversial.
As an asexual, I wince whenever there's an on-screen kiss, including gay ones. As a bleeding-heart liberal I constantly worry that this makes me look homophobic, or even subconsciously be homophobic. Am I not a prize idiot? I suppose I'm glad to have the opportunity to stress about such petty things instead of worrying where my next meal's coming from.
(Also, there's a rainbow flag flying from one of the flagpoles along my walk into work. I don't know why it's there, but it makes me vaguely yay, even though weirdly-gendered asexuals aren't actually guaranteed to be any more safe and accepted among GLBTs than among other folks.)
Vandals damage dead royal dude's tombstone
Hawk (up)drafted in to kill seagulls
What a surprise! As I predicted, a brilliant new plan to deal with seagulls without telling people to stop strewing rubbish!
Let's go and fly a (red) kite! (That man has a bukkit.)
Take up thy robot legs and walk. This is great. As the article says, just moving as they evolved to do is hugely beneficial for legs. It must surely slightly increase the chance of recovering some nerve function. (Plus, robot legs. Dude. If I'm ever spinally pwned I want robot legs.)
Red squirrels get pox protection
Most people have an "above average" number of feet. Surprised? Er, not really… Myself, I have the modal and median number of feet.
What to do when planes lose pressure. (Eat the pilot!)
All pupils to learn about slavery. Odd. I thought it was already compulsory, I guess because I remember we studied it. (Apparently I can chillingly well put myself into the mind of a slaver, according to my homework grades. I hope this reassures you.)
Computer sold on eBay with bank details. Luckily, it was bought by an honest man. Mmmmm, BBC server room…
KILL THEM. THROW THEM OFF A TOWER.
There's stuff about self-harm rates in Manchester and Scotland, but you'll have to look those up yourselves if interested. The subject makes me too furious.
To be a commando pilgrim (lots of tea required) news trawl
Dog choir auditions. YES.
Donegal pilgrimage/'retreat' thingy. Sounds harsh.
Dog swallows golf ball mid-flight. A golf ball is too small to make a safe doggy toy.
Pain experts to discuss treatment (not porn, sickos)
Exploring the virtual ant colony
Ancient tree helps birds survive by providing them with yummy wasps.
Terry Pratchett criticises drugs ruling edit: longer article
Speaking of Pratchett, recommendations for books to get boys reading. Altivo will be disappointed that they're all violent… well, Colour of Magic isn't too bad, since the main character spends his time, ahem, refusing to engage in violence.
Carnival costumes go on display… more pics, plz!
Big Olympic piccies. This one's my favourite. There's also one of a fencer looking stupid, and other stuff.
'Bravest' students do not cheat.
I resent this. I'm a coward and I don't cheat. Unless I'm going to be threatened with violence if I don't cheat, I don't see what one has to do with the other. Behaving ethically is generally an unrisky form of 'heroism', not really deserving of being confused with physical bravery.
Under half of all Scottish weddings in 2007 were religious. Yay!
Oh, while we're on the subject: Remove unfair benefits from married couples! Ban all religious venues from being given marriage permits! Votes for asexuals!!
The prison system WORKS, REALLY, for this guy. (No, really. It's obviously working very nicely indeed for him.)
Man in straw cottage installs electricity for the first time.
Ill English Bull Terrier abandoned in city street (the typist was obviously ill too; lots of typos in there at the mo). I'll give him a home! Send him down here!
Dying and euthanasia stuff. (The doctrine of double effect, incidentally, is bull. Yeah, I'm so good at this philosophy stuff. ;)
Almost as good as that model of children's bed called "Lolita".
Edinburgh Fringe show about Auschwitz sounds very unpleasant.
Musicals at the Fringe. Yay musicals! Yay Eurovision! Yay camp! … *glances around* What?
'Kill signal crayfish on sight' appeal. They are considered as bad (in terms of being invasive species) as Japanese knotweed and grey squirrels.
Can't fight Darwin, people. If you don't like it, go reverse climate change. Not the crayfishes' fault they're better at exploiting your niche than you are.
Ancient Viking board game revived. Awesome.
Search and rescue dog saves missing motorcyclist… in Beddgelert.
(This is lightly ironic because Beddgelert is named in honour of humanity's unfairness to its canine partners.)
Canadians win piping championships in Scotland
…to be honest, I'm a bit sick of Superlambananas…
Well, that's an understatement. I was sick of them when they were Manchester cows, and before that when they were Brussels cows. Basically what I'm implying here for comedy value is that the lambs are ripped off from Cow Parade. And why not, indeed.
Modern androids prefer to remain unplugged
Probe your ports, madam? No? Oh well, have an asexuality article.
Despite this thing calling me an uneducated poor woman, guess why I like it.
Death-or-glory toad trawl
(not news) This is dreadful and you should beware before clicking it because it's fluffy and you might die.
France wants to get into space.
Overrun by stoats and weasels!!!
Turtles released on beach (vid)
Violent games 'sold to children'
Clive Sinclair on flying cars, with embedded audio.
In "duh, just realised, have you?" news of the day, the US turns its back on big cars (vid) and the West is running out of gas (vid).
Right. Sing along, everyone! I declare this the new theme song of the end of the world.
Leisure manager peeked at woman. Yaknow, why does it make it worse that it was "for sexual gratification"? Damn right I find it creepier, but should the law?
(not news) Kitten vs pillow results in PWNAGE. (vid)
No to gays on mayo adverts!!1! Think of the sandwiches children!!!!!1111!!11122"1
My commentary is behind the cut.
Sexuals! Opinions please!
I found this on AVEN: Two possible attitudes of sexual people to sexuality
Are these in any way realistic or unrealistic? Do you, or other sexual people you know, really think this way?
If they are realistic, I'm going to want to dissect you all gibber gratefully in a corner that I don't speak to enough sexuals about personal matters to have experienced reactions like this have to think a lot more extraterrestrially in order to portray sexual characters in my writing…
Also interesting: confessions of an asexual slut.
If you were wondering, I think of sexuality in terms of hormones, pair bonding and assorted cultural romantic notions, all irretrievably linked with some form of child-rearing instinct (albeit implemented in various ways in practice), and that's how I approach sexual characters—as biological machines overlaid with unconscious instinct and prejudice and many, not necessarily logical, conscious thoughts and ideas on top of that. That's also how I approach characters who eat, sleep or make friends. Is this wrong?
edit: how a sexual thinks of asexuals. I don't, myself, ever feel oppressed or treated prejudicially about it, but apart from that I'm with him completely.
Leaping ailuridae! news trawl
In shocking news, no ladies have proposed marriage to me today.
(That's good, because I have ethical objections to providing kisses and silk gloves.)
To aid your essential research into this matter, Charlie the Songdog sends this.
Why didn't I get one of these?
No impact from Energy Saving Day
Children's mags 'damage writing' ('Mags'. I rest my case.)
Robbers in Sydney are clever enough to target a bar during a biker meeting.
Plan to teach baby robot to talk
Hands up who immediately thought of Susan Calvin in "Lenny".
Mattress boxing. (Coming soon: mattress happy-slapping.)
[video] New Amur leopard baby. Beware, explicit pictures right from the outset, which some viewers may find highly distressing. *coughcough*
The Water Horse (vague allusions to spoilers?)
Sound problems throughout marred this, though I didn't really notice most of the time. I quite liked it being mostly quiet, in fact.
The Scottishness felt like an exaggerated stereotype throughout. The boy must've said "Jings!"… well, even once would've been gratuitous. This was made for an American audience.
The frame story was lame, corny and unnecessary.
I found the character of the mother very dislikeable and her behaviour, especially in certain respects towards the son, inexplicable.
The humans' storyline ultimately went nowhere and made little sense. Nothing was developed fully, whether the "kids know something secret and have to hide it" angle or the romance bits or the political situation. There was even a hook for a shell-shock/PTSD subplot, not made use of.
The climactic action sequence made no sense ("why? What makes it imperative that this happen? How on earth did you know or decide to do that?").
The ending (of the frame story particularly) was lame and predictable.
The creature effects were GREAT! Let's face it, that's why I was there. The little neut (no, srsly, canonically parthenogenetic hermaphrodite) had by far the most personality of all the actors (but then, I would say that). Plenty of slapstick and action from hir. Lovely movement, says I who don't know much about how large aquatic mammals, horses or aquatic dinosaurs move; it looked right and was very very pretty. Thus, I suspended my disbelief concerning the passenger's lung capacity and the bends.
Finally, ZOMG THE DOG????
Dream: face-slicing
Dream the night before last:
Running away from some killer, in the company of a portly gentleman who was faster than me. Killer caught me by the belt (of a dressing gown in which I'd gone to sleep), dragged me back to some building, took me up in a lift to the badly-lit top floor and sliced my face off, followed by a few fingers to the first joint. There was the general impression that this would continue.
I think there was some begging on my (female) avatar's part, but the overall show was all very matter-of-fact in tone, no pain and I only remember being annoyed because it was all so damn predictable.
There was (so my dreaming self thought) some really good backstory to the killer, which I forgot. I think that was what irritated me most.
Had finished reading a novella about a torturer online the evening before. This might have had something to do with it. Nothing matched up with the details or themes of the story, though (Quentin-Andrew didn't cut fingers or do the Hollywood film serial killer thing, and the later stages I'd been reading that night were mostly about gods and redemption and an adorably innocent little soul), so maybe not.
P.S. Platonic friendshippery for the win. This is why I'm linking the book, which the author is doing an incredibly thorough job of linkspamming everywhere remotely relevant by desself.
