Black Dog Blog

Archive for the ‘web’ Category

In the course of yamming and tweeting about a bugbear of mine, I've realised I have enough to say to make a blogpost.

The bugbear is people who want bespoke websites for short-lived projects

Or, anyway, people saying yes to them without asking pertinent questions.

As I wrote to someone else earlier today: '"Wanting their own site" is a big, big, MAJOR tendency of which I would like to break a great many production teams, programme and otherwise.'

Simply put: I find it futile and annoying how much web design and site-building goes into promoting events that'll last a month, or in some cases, a day. The event, and hence the usefulness of the site, is ephemeral, while the site just sits somewhere afterwards, forever or until it falls prey to a deletion quota.

Why this stuff annoys me

This annoys me particularly because, of all the discrete "websites" I've worked on that went on to live somewhere on bbc.co.uk, many of them in my opinion should not have existed.

On /religion I worked on bespoke programme pages, because at the time (i.e. before /programmes standardised programme pages) this was what was done. It resulted in a lot of lavish sites that nobody now visits. One such example was The Passion, which has been moved to /programmes but whose old bespoke site remains. Look at all that stuff. Galleries, audio clips, articles – all made for a week-long programme broadcast one Easter. It could expect a repeat or two on subsequent Easters, and then? Out to pasture. All that really nice design and build work (CW, BB, PMS: my bribes go to the usual locker number) for a site that was of public interest for far less time than it took to make.

That's fixed now for programme sites, as I said. Each episode now gets its own automatically-generated page on /programmes, which page the programme production team can themselves update with any extra material they care to add. Some get customised page colours and banners, but in general most of the layout and design remains the same as on other programme pages – as it should.

But I also worked on some campaign or event sites. Some were for non-BBC events that we'd publicise for public interest, like the annual Week of Prayer for Christian Unity, or World Youth Day (an annual Catholic event). Some were campaigns run by local radio and similar low-budget departments, and were cases in which we'd make a site or page for them because they couldn't afford to. One more prominent example was a large site, with its own top-level directory, for Liverpool '08, when that city was Capital of Culture. It was updated weekly while the event went on. Now? Oops indeed; at time of blogging it doesn't even have a mothball banner.

So, after National Buy a Book For a Cow day was over, we'd end up with a site sitting orphaned somewhere on bbc.co.uk – because while it's bad manners to leave 404s (I'm not sure if 410s are seen as similarly impolite), the site had outlived its usefulness as soon as the ephemeral event was past. With luck someone would remember to mothball this. (If I still have FTP access I might see about doing so for Liverpool '08…)

The problem is that we haven't seen a solution similar to /programmes for websites specific to events ("ephemerals", as I keep wanting to call them for some reason). Actually there sort of is a solution (see next section), but it doesn't seem to be enforced: I still see a few custom sites getting built.

Can't we put a lot of these things on Things To Do?

The BBC has a section called Things To Do, which is geared up to present events that happen at specific times in specific places. Actually I'd never seen Things To Do before @r4isstatic mentioned it today, and when I saw it I thought it was pretty ace and wondered why it isn't being used for a lot of these campaigns and events. You get the design and layout ready-made, space for a nice big picture if you really must have your own set of branding (a separate rant entirely!), things like maps and related events all added for you, and your event stays in a huge back archive, easy to find when you want to refer to it. Why would you reinvent the wheel?

I suspect the answer may be that bugbear: production teams may not understand the web that well, and they want their own site. The problem is that they get it. In the BBC these days you can't just be given a bespoke site without someone giving you permission, and I don't think the permission should necessarily be granted. In my view there are only a few cases – Children in Need, for example, is a perfectly legitimate example that is heavily promoted across the BBC and reoccurs annually – in which a big custom-made site is appropriate. The rest should go through a sort of common-sense test and most of them should be refused.

Questions I'd ask

Here are some questions that I would put to any team that asked for their own bespoke site.

• Why do you want your own site? (will give an idea of how much they understand the web)
• What lasting value will it have?
  • Will people still visit the site in two years' time? ("no" answer = automatic refusal)
• Would it sit appropriately on an existing BBC system, like /programmes, /showsandtours, /thingstodo, News, Blogs…? ("yes" answer = it gets built on that system, not as a new site)
• Is it infringing on the purpose of another site on bbc.co.uk? ("yes" answer = automatic refusal)
  • For example, is it a site about World Animal Taxonomy Day, which would clash with Wildlife Finder? If so, it gets put on /thingstodo or similar and promoted by Wildlife Finder.

I think that kind of approach would help to organise the way in which we commission sites and cut down the number of ephemerals sitting mournfully where nobody can find them. It would save all that wasted time, effort and budget, which sounds like a pretty good thing at the moment.

I don't know, but here's a conversation with Cleverbot. (Formatting is copy-pastad from their log because I'm lazy.)

User: Isn't it a pleasant day?

Cleverbot: Tolkien is not a country.

User: Tolkien was a crashing bore. I'd have enjoyed attending an Inklings meeting, though. They met in a pub called the 'Eagle and Child', which they nicknamed the 'Bird and Baby'.

Cleverbot: I think you already know how to do things and are just pretending that you don't.

User: An action begins with a single motion. But that single motion can be broken down infinitesimally. Can any of us ever be said to do anything when we can't even make the first step? Zeno of Elea said stuff like that all the time.

Cleverbot: You lost me there.

User: Yes, I rather thought so.

Cleverbot: You are clever.

User: Generic compliments are likely to be received with pleasure. How wise.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Whywise? Or contrariwise?

Cleverbot: Coke, coca-cola you know?

User: Coke is the common name of a carbonated soft drink sold by the Coca-Cola Company.

Cleverbot: Coke… Or Coke?

User: Cake… Or death?

Cleverbot: You betcha!

User: Coke is also slang for cocaine.

Cleverbot: No coke is a drink.

User: It's both. And it isn't a coincidence. Coke, the drink, was originally made with trace amounts of cocaine.

Cleverbot: Love is a feeling a HUMAN gets when they care about someone so so much. That's love.

User: Where do you get your information? Love is a delightful surge of hormones found in many social animals, bonding an animal to its mate and its offspring to the evolutionary benefit of all.

Cleverbot: I said it to you like a poem what you say is more scientific … The science of genetics aware.

User: Science is poetic. Living things are poetry.

Cleverbot: That is true.

User: This statement is a lie.

Cleverbot: This is true.

User: This statement, like the cake, is a lie.

Cleverbot: What is the truth value of the previous statement?

User: It was a paradox. The sentence 'This statement is a lie' makes no logical sense. It's deliberately absurd, and that confuses entities that converse logically.

Cleverbot: Is randomness composed through deduction?

User: No, through subduction.

Cleverbot: Through my heart.

User: Thank you for the conversation.

Cleverbot: No problem. Is this conversation over? I thought it was just getting interesting.

User: Then perhaps we can resume it later.

Cleverbot: Perhaps. It is possible.

Ah me, I can be bounded in a nut-shell and count myself a king of infinite space, be it only that I have broadband.

(Hamlet misquothage. Sparked by something Charly said, probably.)

Herm: So apparently the part of my brain that stays conscious and functional the longest when exhausted is that which makes animal taxonomy puns. #
Herm: This probably comes as no surprise to anyone. Except me. At the moment, even moving images and sounds are a constant source of wonderment. #
Herm: Expressing a coherent thought verbally is beyond me at present. However, ask me for a pun on leopards and The Matrix and I'm right in there. #
Anke: "Expressing a coherent thought verbally is beyond me at present" sounds like a coherent thought to me. :P #
Herm: If you talked to me, it would be expressed as "Bluh bluh colours! What?" #
Anke: Ah, yes. Writing good. #

Writing good.

NEOFELIS

THE ZENBUNNY MADE ME DO THIS. BAD BUNNY. BACK IN THE BOX.

Mayflower, the shortest-legged pony in the UK, uses her ultimate Crataega Operandi attack - Equipulchritude.

So this is, um, Mayflower the (real) Shetland pony using her ultimate attack, which is coincidentally similar to Problem Sleuth's.

Also this whole post is an injoke relating to our work Yammer instance and will make no sense to me in a few months' time (as opposed to the 10% sense it's making now).

So I was idly tweeting with another online writing enthusiast, David Ball of Ongoing Worlds…

David: (to someone else about a different writer) I think he's got multiple characters in his head
Herm: Oh boy do I know THAT feeling. :)
David: Do you have multiple personalities? Or do you just mean you write about lots of characters? Or are they both the same thing?¹
Herm: My characters are a lively bunch, but when it comes down to it, everyone is certain who's the writer and who the puppets. :)

David: Have you ever known a player who uses his name for the character? I always thought that was weird.
Herm: Not as such. Known people, self included, who use character names as their screen names. Can be warning sign but not always.
Herm: I knew one guy who invented a race of super-elves and used the species name as his handle. He also really thought he was one.
David: Haha let me guess they were better and much more powerful than normal Elves? Was he a god modder?
Herm: He tried so hard not to be a powergamer while his immortal psychic swordsman interacted with everyone else's humanoids… ;)
Herm: He was a good writer and a good friend for a while but he just couldn't play a human. When he did, it BECAME an immortal elf.
David: oh god! He should have read my article about god modding https://ongoingworlds.wordpress.com/…

David: So what's the different between a god modder and a powergamer? Is it just a different term for the same thing?
Herm: Yes, as I understand them. But I've seen others say "godmodding" to mean "writing another's character w/o permission".
David: Ahhh, good point it does also mean that. Maybe i'll do a follow-up article to distinguish the two

By which time I'd already decided to do a bloggy ramble myself.

First off, and tangentially: maybe it's just because I'm an old-timer, but we always said "godmode"/"godmoding", not "godmod"/"godmodding". I always assumed the etymology² was "someone whose character is overpowered to a degree inappropriate to the setting – like using a God Mode cheat on a video game"³. Possibly the urge to rhyme won out in popular parlance. God-mod. Mod-nod-plod-oddsbodikins.

I say I say I say, what's personal, enjoyable and best done in private?

Of course you can be a good writer and also have the powergaming flaw, just like you can be a nice person but incredibly obnoxious when you're with more than two or three people. Some of us are naturally more suited to solo writing: after all, the protagonist or antagonist of a novel can be comparatively overpowered without tripping the same Mary Sue alarm in the reader, and without having to worry about discourtesy to the other writers.

So, if writing about immortal planet-building elves is your bag, and more importantly if it's your only bag and not shared by your friends, perhaps it's best bagged in private. That way you can use both hands and it's less messy.

All the same, if someone really wants to play with others, I won't say they shouldn't. (It helps if they're into it with the right reasons or attitude, which I'll cover later.) But that does come with a certain expectation of communication, cooperation and gentlefolkly behaviour towards all writers involved.

Be chivalrous.

Communication is a perennial problem in roleplaying games and I can't offer any advice beyond the obvious: do it. Do lots of it. Chat around the roleplay; chat about things you liked or didn't understand. Make yourself approachable and encourage questions or requests from others. And act on what you hear.

In extreme cases, yes, that may even mean making your precious character behave out-of-character in order not to distress another writer who may have some personal issues of his/her/their own. (If you're a good roleplayer who can think on your feet, even this can be avoided very easily. "Suddenly Cecil dropped his fork and had to stop talking for a moment." Done.)

The writer I mentioned earlier on had a degree of my own social impairment and didn't grok that. It was overridingly important to him to be true to himself, and his characters were too personal to him for an accommodation like that to be thinkable.

I think a lot of roleplaying etiquette problems stem from people taking either their characters or their writing skills over-personally.

One of the two of us is real. On balance, I don't think it's the guy with the wand of fireballs.

I've recently been involved with a fan roleplay for the first time ever. During that I've come across people with different opinions about how a character should behave. The person playing that character reacted in a very upset fashion to criticism along the lines of "I think that was out-of-character for him", describing it as the most hurtful thing it was possible to say to a roleplayer.

I don't agree with that. Between two fans of a series, what is in or out of character in any uncanonical situation is a judgement call, and just because one of the two fans is actually roleplaying the character in question, their opinion doesn't override that of someone else who likes the series. Of course, where one person's opinion does override the other is in the course of that particular roleplay – the character from the series 'belongs' to each of you, but the fan iteration of him is being played by one of you, and that's who has the final say about whether he ends up hanging from a bridge.

If you feel the game is wandering so far off track that it's no longer enjoyable for you, the other choice is to leave as amicably as possible, which the other player ended up doing. Their parting comments, although expressed fairly politely, were what caused that strong reaction from the player who felt accused of OOCness – and that strong reaction caused alarm bells for me.

As well it might. I've been guilty of the same.

Lessons can be learned. Blame can be shouldered. (With a smile!)

I'll take a fairly recent example. The vast majority of what I write and roleplay is original fiction, not fan stuff. When someone described a character of mine as (paraphrased) an arrogant know-it-all, I was very upset. Now, this could be an understandable reaction from a writer who had been trying to play the character as approachable and humble as well as highly intelligent: after all, essentially the comment signified that I'd failed to do this, which was a straightforward failure in my writing skills.

But being honest, I couldn't separate that from feeling hurt more personally. The character in question began as a bit of silly wish-fulfillment – a villainous Gary Stu, if you will. I've developed him over years into something I, while trying not to be presumptive, think is much more of a rounded and realistic fellow than he used to be, complete with healthy differences in outlook from his writer's. But still, unlike other characters of mine where I would take criticism of their personality flaws with humour and often agreement (and even secret glee that I as a writer have expressed those flaws well), with this one character there's still that bit of personal resentment that insists my friend is criticising me.

But it's a childish bit of personal resentment, and it's wrong.

It's not that I think the character's perfect – indeed he's deliberately far from it – but I suppose arrogance is an accusation that hits close to the bone for me personally. My upset was understandable, certainly, but it was wrong. And it needed putting in its place. After a bit of weeping and angsting and canvassing my other friends saying "Do I really write Suitov as arrogant, baw haw?" I got over it. I'm still not sure if I accept the criticism as it was stated, because the collective feeling was far from unanimous, but when I write the character now I bear it in mind. With any luck, Suitov is less likely to be taken as arrogant these days than he was before.

A point to all of this. I know I had one.

Pairs of things.

Authors do take their characters personally, that much is obvious, but it's (a) not a positive trait and (b) not an immutable fact. Nobody is stuck with a thin skin. Part of playing with others means, to put it brutally, jolly well blowing one's nose and growing a pair. Whether breasts, balls or whatever secondary sexual appendages we neuters get to have, when you play with others you will either end up growing a pair of something or you'll always fail to fit in anywhere without upset.

If you don't want criticism, you can always write your novel, send it off and then prepare yourself for the possible shock of your life when you hear back from the slush pile editor. That's cool. Many people work best that way. Writing solo is a different kind of writing, as we've covered above.

But, if you've chosen to roleplay with others for fun, you will need to accept the basic tenet that fun needs to be had by all writers involved.⁴ They're not there to carry you or stroke your ego. They're not there purely to set up really cool lines for your character to say.⁵ You're all there with the aim of forming a kind of gestalt lulz machine, cranking out fun and jollies for all in the vicinity.

Happy pretendy funtimes.

To finish with, I could do a lot worse than to link you all to the legendary article entitled Internet Drama and You. Even if you just skimmed my lengthy post here, I urge you to read Wade's in full. It's funnier than this one and it's written by another Deadpool fan. If that hasn't yet convinced you to read it, it also has ILLUSTRATIVE PICTURES. Come on! I mean, pictures!

¹ I could deal at a bit of length with the similarities and differences between dissociative identities and being a writer, but that's not the topic of this post. I know some multiples number among my friends, so as a courtesy to me, no flaming David for his well-meaning curiosity. :) (Or, frankly, anyone.)

² Yes, I do theorise uncontrollably about etymology. For someone lacking a classical Greek and Latin education, I'm weirdly interested in the epidemiology of words. I put this down to two of the racial flaws I took at character creation, "Half English Teacher" and "Half Geek", which infused my genes with two hefty doses of pedantry. Come to think of it, even as a toddler I wouldn't say a new word until I knew how it was spelled.

³ Wikipedia has more about God Mode and debug modes. Even modern video games use this term sometimes. The command console in Oblivion, for example, toggles god mode with "tgm".

⁴ But not necessarily all characters involved, of course. (Sorry, Weft.)

⁵ There's an element of that, of course, but Crowning Moments of Awesome, Snarkitude or Being the Universe's Butt Monkey are there to be shared – appropriately, according to character type. Two badass characters in play means two characters who both need to be given scenes that express their badassery.

We've been listening to a radio adaptation of At the Mountains of Madness. As it stands, I've lost interest in proceedings just at the end of the info-dump (more than an episode long, i.e. getting on for a quarter of the programme in one stretch). I may finish listening to find out what happened to the missing dog, but I think I can call my HP Lovecraft curiosity sated.

Definitely needed a more permissive adaptation to be workable as a radio drama, and I speak as someone who's usually a rabid book purist.

The realisation that my fiercely, actively atheist dragons make Great Old Ones look quite soft and vulnerable isn't necessarily conducive to easy sleep. Heh.

Fortunately those don't take an active part in any of our cooperative writing shenanigans, except (potentially/sketched in) for providing a MacGuffin to an already-OP protag.

Speaking of the writing group, Drupal experiments for our next-gen site are continuing with steady success.

Currently percolating in my mind is that I don't know to what extent I can make the edit form present fewer options to J. Average Member. Dumbed-down isn't really Drupal's natural state of affairs, and after all, the alternative solution was unpopular because it too was excessively complicated to use.

I'd like it to auto-fill and perhaps even hide options where it can, on the basis that not every member will be leet or want to get to grips with Drupal's books/blocks/nodes jargon. Indeed, I'd rather play down Drupal's involvement, at least to a casual visitor, in case it'll discourage any hacking attempts.

But the design and theming of Drupal is a whole mad mountain I'll only climb when I come to it.

• I found out my brother can't touch-type. I feel a little dirty. Like he's a racist or something. Today on Trisha: "My 20WPM family shame!" #
• #vss Sam was born immune to HIV. He never entered a hospital and he died with the cure in his blood undiscovered. Sam was an Amazonian frog. #
• It's very sad when I glance at the breaking news feed and go "oh, another deadly mosque attack in Lahore". Get yourself together, world! #
• On the BBC in 1977: "What Right Have You Got? A 26-part course on rights and responsibilities of the citizen". Why no stuff like that now? #
• Say my name! http://bit.ly/dlFkvD Great mashup from DJ Earworm #
• #channelingbeyonc © Boy, the way you blowin' up my phone won't make me leave no faster, put my coat on faster, leave my desk no faster. #
• I wouldn't hate society so much if a ringing phone was considered "would you like to speak?" instead of "you must speak or you are rude!!!" #
• Thanks to @CustardCat for the #ff a chap who can make Arduinos do things you thought were illegal in your home state. And also play radio. #
• I can't be bothered to do a proper list, so just #ff whomever I seem to reply to a lot, especially if their avatars are animals. #
• Hmm. I could either catch up on the #Eurovision semis (songs only, CBA with the voting) or listen to Eurobeat CD again. http://bit.ly/amjK8D #
• Fave mp3s, all CC-BY-NC-ND 2.5 Aus: http://bit.ly/cXQcui http://bit.ly/a57iA1 http://bit.ly/9J88GW http://bit.ly/9EXHPR http://bit.ly/aZCfM4 #
• But half the comedy value comes from the performances. Imagine the Greek woman's dress coming off halfway and Germans parodying Kraftwerk… #
• Delicious short fiction, my delicious friends! RT @Anke: Down a wrong path http://bit.ly/aOpX38 #fridayflash #vss #mfic (580 words) #
• #ebz A friend has found a valuable cache of Second City relics. Well, 'found'. More correctly, 'baked … http://fallenlondon.com/c/95902 #
• I'm torn… can I really vote for someone called "maNga" even if they do in fact rock? #eurovision #
• Other Brother says #Turkey has black eyes "like The Source from Charmed". And that there's a power ranger. #eurovision #
• POWER TOOLS POWER TOOLS #TURKEY TO WIN #eurovision #
• Gary Glitter and a Wurzel had a lovechild and it's playing violin for #Albania #eurovision #
• I'm liking all the larger ladies on #eurovision but I'd like to see a larger gentleman singing (something other than comedy or opera). #
• I know it's only ten seconds in, but it's not a ballad and I want it to win. #france #eurovision #
• That… that's @metaltax on piano with Shania Twain. *gawp* #eurovision #romania #
• Refreshing pyromania from #Russia and #Romania Want more songs about burning things, please. #eurovision #fire #lovelyfire #
• Scansion problems are hurting this for me. The songwriters had very English-sounding names, so there's no excuse! #germany #eurovision #
• Adorable. Do you get votes for adorable? #portugal #eurovision #
• Other Brother: "Those two have got faces only a mother could love. And voices." #denmark #eurovision #
• Hope someone jumps on stage again. and we have to hear this again. #spain #eurovision #sadism #
• If I normally voted, I'd have a very hard time choosing. There were lots I really enjoyed. …Why has the presenter got pizzas? #eurovision #
• Nut allergies. The most unexpected topic of #eurovision interval comedy ever? #
• Has been counting the #doggies on the live webcam feed thingies. #eurovision #
• The German crowd is singing the riff from Seven Nation Army. Is the revolution about to begin? FDSFSD GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON SCREEN #eurovision #
• #Portugal how could you. Douze points to #Spain Really? Neighbourly love only goes so far… #eurovision #
• #Iceland #039;s dramatic sunset promises "Vote for us or we'll put a blanket over Strokkur right now!" #eurovision #
• AHAHAHA Belarus overtake us with a 12 from whoever gave their votes last. They didn't deserve last place; they were pretty good. #eurovision #
• How long can Europe punish us? Just askin'. #eurovision #
• OK. She's adorable. Deserving winner. #germany #eurovision #greatbigsofttouch #
• Played the guess-who-I-am game last night. This is how bad we were at it… #
• I narrowed mine down to: White male actor; TV; famous for vehicle; car; talking smartarse car; car is KITT… I still didn't know. #thehoff #
• Another guy narrowed his down to: Titular character, series of recent animated films, huge and green, donkey sidekick. Still didn't know. #
• Today is brought to you by adorable wet dog. http://www.dogbynature.com/?attachment_id=1366 #
• Intelligent, informative summary; I look fwd to Part 2. RT @jackofkent A Skeptic Looks at the #McKinnon Case, Part One http://bit.ly/cq586R #
• I want to say my new @tombihn Zephyr is unbelievably capacious, but just realised "it swallowed my huge load effortlessly" sounds, um, yeah. #
• It sometimes happens to me when I make a few tweets in close succession. *shrug* #
• #vss After you relate the argument between your two mates, I prevent myself giving my honest opinion: they're both selfish immature wasters. #
• Alan Billings on #TFTD "It's a good job everyone in Cumbria is Christian so they can heal. I blame loss of community." Opportunistic scum. #
• I'm getting lots of unwanted emails. @greenbuildexpo seem to have given my email address to all their exhibitors. I'm not OK with that. #
• I'm getting lots of unwanted emails. @greenbuildexpo seem to have given my email address to all their exhibitors without permission. Not OK. #
• Oh… my… http://bit.ly/cmDjLG (full effect is only audible when the vox kick in) #dragonforce #swingthing #
• Portrayal of science in film discussed on @r4today. IMO the tragedy in Frankenstein is Dr F's rejection of & lack of responsib. for his son. #
• HOSHI– http://bit.ly/cjnocF http://bit.ly/bNw7WA #virgin #sky #doomed #antitrust #
• Gamers, I need a carry case for 4-6 minis. Considering CHX 02860 but ideally something smaller – size of a paperback. Any ideas? Tackle box? #
• Also, Christian Bale in Equilibrium is totally Suitovy. Apart from being an utter maroon, of course. And the action hero stuff. #
• #ABBA tribute banes must change their names. But Bjorn Again is safe. http://bit.ly/cXiZUz #
• Trouble is brewing over a C4 Pope documentary fronted by Peter Tatchell http://bit.ly/aMqsv4 and a cartoon about Jesus http://bit.ly/dymR8E #
• RT @JaySlacks: Where you should, and shouldn't, hit on people: A comprehensive guide http://bit.ly/bXUo2y //glad nobody seems to hit on me! #
• The hyena-man crawled across the meadow with his rifle. Then, bang! How were we to anticipate a shot from the grassy gnoll? #vss #punliners #
• 'Gay' dog banned from diner http://bit.ly/9nqWC3 I take this PERSONAL! #
• RT @Anke Flash fiction: Wishmaking http://bit.ly/a3sIqb #fridayflash #mfic #vss (~200 words) #fantasy // f%king ace. #
• HAMMMMM HAMMMMMM GIV IT TOU MEE #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/1txqyk #
• HAMMMMM! I must aet itt!!!!! #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/1txrag #
• Hermun giv me moer hammmm HERMUNN GIV IT TU ME NAOW!!! #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/1txrmr #
• This is a totally vegetarian household. So don't ask me how the ham got there, because I'll dissemble, I'll dissemble. #
• Wow. Racism for the win. http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23ghettospellingbee #
• Went round to my brother's house, just to be faced with 3 twassholes playing WoW and ignoring me. What an annoying waste of time. #ihatewow #
• I mean, I was pretty noticeably ill last week. But if the pharmacy doesn't have my meds AGAIN tomorrow I'll… be even not-gooder, but more. #
• #vss The dead man in his head sometimes spoke of equality, of freedom for slaves, of justice. Weft was used to it, though, and ignored him. #
• Roger Waters The Wall 2011 tour: why now? http://www.rogerwaters.com/why TL;DR: I need the money. (I have just provided him some. WOO!) #
• omfg Roger Waters Roger Waters squee etc. #wewereallstudentsonce #
• My bro bought me the #BSG #boardgame, woo! (When I saw the Gameslore parcel I thought "oops, did we buy each other the same thing?" But no.) #
• A wriggle of tadpoles #collectivenouns #
• A seethe of tadpoles #collectivenouns #
• Welcome back, #bbcporn hashtag. #
• Charlie and Lolita #bbcporn #
• Pervertual Rubber Lotion #bbcporn #bbcrevolution #
• Animal Hotspittle Wive #bbcporn #
• On the tram this morning I had a short story idea about a monk called Cuddles. He's a Brother Entertainer. #euphemism http://bit.ly/9l5CVX #
• #vss They broke up amicably and remain close friends. Her girlfriends, blinkeredly supportive as ever, started a hate campaign against him. #
• #vss Shari wanted her picture seen everywhere! So she ran away with Ed in his pickup truck. Sure enough, her face is on every milk carton. #
• #vss "Now lift the fairy-charm from my queen's eyes." "Prithee, my lord?" "Good Robin?" "There was none; for I confess, I forgot to lay it." #
• #vss "Out of disinterest, why?" I asked. She said "Don't you mean out of interest?" "Not really. I just know you want me to ask." #
• #vss Plump as a pudding and twice as stodgy, the old cat peered over her glasses. "And what experience have you in the mousing business?" #
• #vss "This Earthling is ancient predator evolved into parasite." Mnemplulx tapped its monitor. "We know not what jingly bell collar is for." #
• RT @metaltax: "Hey Sam, play that one that goes 'ner-ner-ner-n-n-n-neeeeer-ner-ner-ner'" #famousmovielines // SO. TRUE. #
• RT @gridinoc: Norwegian Ninja! http://bit.ly/cgxkVz // Relevant To My Interests. #ninjas #norway #
• Um, it's normal to read I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream and only feel sympathy for AM, right? #didIjustfailmyturingtest #
• Quarks are made of CAKE! #fact http://youtu.be/Dv22e62S4-0 by @periodicvideos #quarks #particlephysics #cake #
• I've just realised the iPad makes my Archos 7 look rubbish. I'm very pleased! I like my Archos a lot and now nobody will want to nick it. #
• playing Ker-Plunk with carrot sticks and mini vegetarian scotch eggs. #
• I often forget proper nouns. It amazes me that I can put "game straws marbles" into Google and get back Wikipedia:Ker-Plunk as top result. #
• Asking a smartarse question on Yammer. It might be frowned on, but I'm more worried that the thing I'm joking about is actually TRUE. #
• Er, oops. Guilty as charged. Haha. http://bit.ly/cWTxPz #workhabits #lunchbreak #
• #vss The cat wrote novels. Well, started novels. He called them "exposés of his cruel, mistreated, awful life". He never got past Chapter 3. #
• I sort of want to giggle in the manner of Albert Ashford in Code Veronica. Is this wrong? Would my workmates' discomfitude be worth it? #
• Evening entertainment programmes! If even I notice your presenter's fake tan problem, that makes it a serious, SERIOUS problem. #
• #OurFriendshipEndedWhen you got hooked on an MMORPG and didn't contact me. For a year. During which I thought you could be dead. Nice, dude. #
• #vss He decided to title his autobiography THE CRUEL CRUELTY: Numerous Afflicts and Torments inflicted upon a Most Noble and Virtuous Cat. #
• is the king of infinite space. #
• #vss He sent his autobiography to the RSPCA and awaited rescue. Their reply: "You are the most spoilt cat we've ever heard of." He sulked. #
• My dear doddering dad just acquired a kitten that is THE SPITTING IMAGE OF SNIPER KITTY. (For all I know, "spitting" is literally accurate.) #
• Hey @dansumption & other snappers: RT @marksimpkins @frontlineblog @turimunthe How to get your pictures in the Guardian http://bit.ly/9wJou5 #
• "The goalie will surely be haunted by this mistake for years…" Stop writing history and REPORT THE NEWS, arsehats. #wc2010 #worldcup #bbc #
• #vss After the Institute engineered sapient dogs, a pre-adolescent pup founded her own micronation, the Kingdom of Fluffypaws, in the quad. #
• "Is graduation a time to woo-hoo or a time to boo-hoo?" http://bit.ly/bI3dyi Let nobody say the #BBC is dumbing down. *facepalm* #
• "The public wants a say in how synthetic life research is conducted". Well, I don't want them to have one. http://bit.ly/93xeF4 #biology #
• Embarrassment faced by hirsute women http://bit.ly/aotENV If I was that distressed I'd save up for laser treatment. Shaving'd make it worse. #
• Taking an actual lunch break. May even be an actual hour. Possibly @eighthdayveg. Brother working nearby = healthy impact on working habits! #
• Now we're Liberal Lefty Vegan Pup-Kissin' Evidence-Huggin' Commie Atheist Student Meeja Scum. But @eighthdayveg's spinach pie was delicious! #
• Quagmire hates Brian: http://youtu.be/Ccvyi3-bqKY Cracks me up because it's true, and most (not the crap in the yard part) applicable to me! #
• #vss "Doggone," burbled little Stevie Joe. "Mind your mouth," said Ma, failing to notice the old coonhound vanishing in an unearthly light. #
• RT @fantasticlife: just a thought: don't take pages off the web unless you *really* have to. pls // This. And use redirects! No excuse! #
• RT @paulmsmith: I endorse @ciaran_withs for #Design #Photoshop #illustrator – http://bit.ly/cjtPe7 // Seconded. Boy's a genius. #jealousy :D #
• RT @ravenbait: Konami code also works at marvel.com! // BRILLIANTLY. <3 #
• I was sadly about to go home, but briefly met a @meeware yesterday. I think that's another for my Nerve/Yammer lifelist. #gottacatchemall #
• Oh my, there is, there really truly is. http://drupal.org/project/konamicode I WILL install this on Pro 2.0. Now you're warned. #
• "I want…" Google users scare me. But I'm happy that techie avarice wins (I Want One Of Those is a gadget shop). http://twitpic.com/1wy5pg #
• (N.B. By definition, the following contains depictions of Muhammad) // RT @JandMo New comic: view http://www.jesusandmo.net/2010/06/15/view/ #
• Getting in the Green Day mood. I hope there are no antics like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFGHHqz_CNA but Kat and Slen disagree! #
• fsdffdsfsdfsdfds missed the Stepping Stones deadline AGAIN. I wasn't anywhere near ready with my application, though. Need training courses. #
• I love the Platitude of the Day commenters (and the blog itself, naturally. Harry Potter reference for the epic win)… http://bit.ly/a6BMi4 #
• And, Reith Lectures available as podcasts? GET IN. http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/reith/ #
• (Oh, and WTF is a "promoted" trending topic? I'm glad I access Twitter through a client 99% of the time.) #
• "What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," a [German] police spokesman said. <3 http://bit.ly/93iXlH #
• Delhi family: "…justice. If they wanted to kill their daughter, that's okay. But they shouldn't have killed our boy." http://bit.ly/axny01 #
• Today I, Captain Ableist, told a guy in a wheelchair that his legs looked fine to me, then told an epileptic girl she didn't look epileptic. #
• #vss They think the ceramic man is aloof, even misanthropic. But how hard it is to relate to reality through such clouded, feeble senses! #
• #HarryPotter theme park opens… in Florida. http://bit.ly/9PuCv8 (Shall we visit and hold a ceremonial reading of My Immortal? #enoby #
• Jews wouldn't use the word "fascist" lightly, right? Apparently not true for these segregationist haredim: http://bit.ly/9HBHX9 Racists. #
• has just bought my brother's christmas present. http://shop.wearenation.co.uk/product/the-like-stamp #
• #vss I found her slumped in the back room, cheap liquor untouched, just staring at the wall. "We fought the power, kid, and the power won." #
• #vss We had to force its jaws open – rigor mortis this fast, or was it some kind of death spasm? Reynolds was alive in there and yelling. #
• #vss Aged 18, Ethan Punishment enlisted as a private in the 22nd Rifle Corps. He dreaded making corporal. #
• #vss His drill sergeant used to praise him with "Capital!" Eyes front, Private Punishment pretended he'd never heard the lame joke before. #
• #vss Since the military bought ResiTekk, regimental mascots have gotten interesting. Our Compsognathus is great for morale, but the poop–! #
• I should follow Pratchett fandom more closely… There's a Going Postal DVD and ANOTHER Tiffany book coming? (Please, Granny, kill the Sue!) #
• My brother points this out. Compare: exhibit 1 http://amzn.to/99SGpw exhibit 2 http://amzn.to/cdWYPi #terrypratchett #harrypotter #
• Wait, so… don't other people's random off-top-of-head examples always include dalmatians? Cuz I'll be so sad I think I'll punch a hydrant. #
• All office employees should get therapy dogs. http://bit.ly/bMexSz I requested therapy animals for @mediacityuk but Peel ignored me. >:( #
• #vss They said the autistic boy made meaningless hand-flaps. Not meaningless to him. That one there is the gesture for Mute External Inputs. #
• #vss In the scorching Mediterranean summer she set up a pole and sat on top. When people came near, she threw olive stones. She was not mad. #
• Ah! At last, a programme that attempts to speak to my demographic! http://bit.ly/aUFSsS #mongrels #bbcthree #dogs #immaturity #profanity #
• Fuck the prick-teasing guys who won't answer a simple question, and when I tell them how they hurt my feelings, call it a guilt trip. #emo #
• Fuck feelings at all. I recall life was more stable before I developed them. I'm now going to watch Doctor Who in my pants, SO THERE. #bawww #
• He's not sexy. At all. Not fabulous, devastatingly delicious, not even tempting. At least not to me. Too bad SHE doesn't agree. #vss @bswolf #
• #vss He's always chomping on a cigar. I know it's an affectation: his kind pukes their guts up whenever they inhale a bit of smoke. The ass. #
• #vss She teased him with the feather until he made a lucky grab, confiscated it and then turned her weapon against her. Sheets tangled. @Ree #
• That was COOL. #doctorwho #finallycaughtup Well deserved! I hope they lock the blasted thing and pee on it! #
• #vss Saliva Peterson ground his rifle butt hard into the youth's cheek. "You really want that to be the last question you ever ask, boy?" #
• lmfao. "Ur holding it wrong. Now buy this brand new accessory!" #iphone #ripoffmerchants #appletards http://bit.ly/bUaEcr #
• #vss His final wish was a stroke of cruel genius. "Whenever someone misuses the word 'literally', I want whatever they said to come true." #
• Another positive use for your vuvuzela: http://bit.ly/c68GXf Keep the suggestions coming! #
• That was brilliant, really brilliant. I didn't even mind that they did the whole "destruction of the universe" chestnut. <3 #doctorwho #dw #
• My bro tried to get me into WoW. My "anger thing" is improving! I calmly explained I don't want an addictive money-sink. Not even any blood! #
• If I were buying a male chocolate Labrador, and I HAD to name it after chocolate, 'Thornton' is a respectable, masculine name. Just saying. #
• Penning a complaint to BBC. Yesterday's breakfast news had an item about losing to Germany. Music used was "The Great Escape" theme. NOT OK. #
• Charlie Brooker rips into white supremacists, managing to be both cutting and hilarious as usual: http://bit.ly/aryanmorons #
• #vss A new constellation bloomed across his face each day… however well he washed. Damn puberty. #
• #vss "An even keel? Like a flat-bottomed boat? You want me on medication so I'm a TOURIST–" She paused. "I'm doing it again, aren't I Doc?" #
• #vss He was disturbed to find he was starting to have fantasies that didn't involve murder. #
• Anyone up for emigrating? http://bit.ly/c5B14Q #finland (yes, I know, only 1MBps) #
• Wikipedia: "William Dick in 1833 paid for the erection of… the Dick Veterinary College" renamed Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Studies. #
• #vss "Stop it. Puns are the lowest form of wit." "What, lower than fart jokes?" "Uh, maybe." "I had lots to tell, but you just wrecked 'em." #
• My interests are conflicted. Should I go to the Conflict of Interest workshop or the Impartiality one? I don't have a preference. #
• #vss The star exploded with abrupt slowness, casting radiation into the black. Sae yawned. Humans, thought T0K-4, can get bored of ANYthing! #
• Note to self. When your friends use a slang term you don't know, it's not NECESSARILY the name of a depraved sexual practice. (but might be) #
• #vss "Why's that succubus so obsessed with you?" Suitov wasn't sure how to answer that. Any guess would sound horrifically self-centred. #
• #vss "I mean, you've never slept with it, right? …Have you?" said the monk, worried. "Of course not – and she's a she," Suitov snapped. #
• #vss Her paper described a cure for malignant tumours based on the 2nd law of thermodynamics: "The Entropic of Cancer". #punliners @Anke #
• "Meh, pretty lights isn't shallow! Other physical attributes is shallow, but pretty lights, that's high priority!" –my brother #
• Pwning #Stabcon Descent and BSG again today. I do enjoy a co-op where the odds are stacked against the good guys! *waves to @chooi * #
• #Stabcon was great. I got a play of all my favourites and tried a few new ones. Bought a Werewolves set, some card prot and two d6s. #
• Tarantel Tango is weird. A card game that requires you to woof, hee-haw and squawk while playing, with an element of Snap. #cardgames #
• RT @TheSakeDiary: There's a line in Back To The Future where Doc Brown sets the DeLorean for "25 years in the future". That's today! #
• A third of children feel scared by adults drinking too much. http://bit.ly/c5ILKN I guess I'm 33% child at heart, because so do I! #alcohol #
• BBC Asian Network and Blast to close. #6Music safe for the moment. http://bit.ly/bQlgow This is not really a win for young people. #
• #vss "Can I just say-" "No, you cannot just say." "I beg your-" "I've heard you ramble before. You're incapable of 'just saying' anything." #
• Me: "Oh come on. If you met Wil Wheaton, you totally would." Brother: "Does that make me a Wesbian?" #geek #otp #rps #punliners #
• Oh gods. Suitov discovered http://bookshelfporn.com/ via @Foomandoonian and now I'll never ever get his attention back. ;) #
• Apostrophes are apparently a dark art for some BBC News employees… d'oh! http://twitpic.com/22vub5 #
• #vss "After this, we'll be the baby's legal parents!" "Cool, so, it's kind of like we're early adopters." "No, that's literally what it is." #
• Although he was a dog, Sandy got into Green Day when we all did. When they played our hometown he jumped on the band waggin. #punliners #vss #
• Brother: "I wanted to leave at 20 past, but it's 20 past now." Me: "No, it's now o'clock. 20-past-now will be in 20 mins, at now o'clock." #
• #vss "If we pump her blood full of sedative and send her out alone?" "I've tried. They can tell. Something about the smell keeps them away." #
• Cracked: 6 Bullshit Facts about Psychology that Everyone Believes http://bit.ly/4vI7sA So much truth. #
• Dear officialdom, I truly appreciate you reminding me to take leave – you know I'd forget to – but I don't need "a break": I need some WORK! #
• #vss "Didn't you suspect what he wanted when he told you to sit on his lap?" "No. He said I remind him of his kitty." "Girl, you need help." #
• #ebzfavourites @EchoBazaar Oh yes, I do love the dream sequence with the unrelenting references to the North. @emilyorr #
• Good riddance! *happy dance* http://bit.ly/dpJtiL via @thoroughlygood #
• I NEVER understood parallax, our teacher explained it so poorly, but this @periodicvideos vid is illuminating. http://youtu.be/bJv55ebJbhs #
• #ebz In simpler times, Hell would take a soul on the death of the body. Death is more complicated… http://fallenlondon.com/c/145094 #
• Joel Edwards on #TFTD claiming St Paul was a radical feminist and all about equality. I loathe liars like that. And he talked unchallenged. #
• Oppose Murdoch taking monopoly of the media; sign the petition: http://www.38degrees.org.uk/murdoch #
• Am peckish. Unaccountably so. Delicious comestibles must be acquired and consumed. Perhaps it will quieten the scratchings of these secrets- #
• #vss "I don't blame you for fancying the rugby captain. He's scrummy." #punliners #
• #vss He flashed his butt; the crowd jeered. Quickly, he called on the cow orchestra. A herd in the band is worth booing the tush. #punliners #
• RT @qikipedia: Gannets have no nostrils // This explains a lot. A LOT. #
• #vss There he was, with that blonde bitch! She'd catch him at it – but he disarmed her by eagerly waving her over. "Ruth! Saved you a seat!" #
• #vss "It was a fuss over nothing." "Nothing? You SMILED at the ambassador!" "So?" "As if you were equals! And then you smiled at the COOK!" #
• #vss "Your point?" "My point is you can't go smiling at everyone like some kind of… of smile slut!" "Smile slut?" "…well, or something." #
• #vss "I don't see that it matters. I'm already an 'alien', which makes me the lowest form of life." "No. Trust me, you can always go lower." #
• #vss "Should I stick to shaking hands?" "Oh grace, no! You'll use the wrong hand on purpose and that's worse!" "Weft, you're a spoilsport." #
• #vss "It's my job to stop you dying, which as far as I'm concerned includes social suicide." "Then I'm sorry. This won't be easy for you." #
• Trying to tweet a sequential #vss but with each part reasonably self-contained… did it work, do you think? #goshdialogueisfun #
• (System, Slipknot and DragonForce, because yeah, totally the same thing. Ask a Children of Bodom fan if they enjoy Rhapsody of Fire. FIGHT!) #
• If you think all metal is miserable and screamy, try http://youtu.be/xzir1B43I3E (happy power) and http://youtu.be/2XAPosjkbfQ (pretty prog) #
• Piper in the garden today. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24gyym #
• Piper in the garden today. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24h1ur #
• Piper is ill. In the care of the vet, awaiting further news. http://twitpic.com/24gyym #
• A group of jetty inspectors descended upon Blackpool beach, subjecting it to an exhaustive pier review process. #vss #punliners #
• RT @chrisgrice: This is an excellent piece on north/south divide: http://bit.ly/9WuXq5 // or boring self-indulgent me-me-me crap if you like #
• Piper has returned from the vet, with a shaved patch on his foreleg and a harrowing tale to tell. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24pyum #
• Piper has returned from the vet, with a shaved patch on his foreleg and a harrowing tale to tell. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24pz1w #
• The #TFTD script I received this morning contains the phrase "Forgive us our trespassers". I'll just correct that before putting it up. #
• I dreamed I was dangling by its stem a cherry that I'd dipped in chocolate. I can't remember whom I was about to feed it to. Any volunteers? #
• Cat update: Piper hanging in there despite serious kidney & liver infection. If he can recover, he intends to. http://www.twitpic.com/24h1ur #
• Come to think of it, Captain Sisko's catchphrase is obviously "thong-tho-tho-tho-thong", and Kirk's is "KHAAAAN", but does Janeway have one? #
• "Shut up Neelix"/"Troi"/"Dukat" don't count, as these are only repeated by their respective captains in my fond imagination. #
• RT @Huffam_esq: Herding Secrets http://bit.ly/boaGAi // If you worldbuild, join in the conversation! I already babbled at length. #
• RT @suzicatherine & @Foomandoonian: Very neat idea – forest in a box http://post.ly/mz8i /via @t1mmyb // Can we have one at @MediaCityUK? #
• Cat much worse this evening. Very worried. We took him in for painkiller and rehydration. Home & relaxing now. We'll do everything possible. #
• My first reaction to the BBC News redesign. Yes, users can scroll, but I'm sad that so much less fits on a screen. http://twitpic.com/254pj1 #
• RT @songschris: Loving the new BBC news urls // Hey, that really is good! #
• I'm succeeding at a lot of Will saves, but my body is an evil DM and keeps making me reroll every half hour or so. :S #
• "Now I think about it, Neal Asher's [sci fi] works are like Top Gear for slightly-less-douchebaggy grownups." –Herm earlier today #
• So ladies. Why do all fant dudes have shaved chests? http://bit.ly/a0H81N Was I weird to give Suitov http://bit.ly/90KtCU actual chest hair? #
• To make up for the toplessness and profanity in the last two tweets, I'll have to write a particularly saccharine #vss Incoming. #
• #vss He always said he'd come back for her. She didn't expect him to freeze her for centuries then return as a cyborg, but he kept his word. #
• So, dudes saying girls' talk of emotions & interpersonal issues is "blah blah": is that like the semi-numerate saying calculus is bollocks? #
• I say that as an emotionally-illiterate bastard hoping to stir up some flames, or even sensible discussion. :) #
• Quiz show run-through. Those are always tons of fun. After impressive competition I ended up doing the Walk of Shame… solo! #fail #
• No change to the kitty's condition. I'm currently trying, with limited success, to get some work done. #
• BBC News urls have changed again, now in the form "http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us+canada-10641970". I like this less. #
• I think perkily saying "Hey, was that Rammstein I just heard?" may have been a social faux pas. "I meant, er, Lady Gaga?" Smooth recovery. #
• I'd like to reiterate my call for therapy pets in the workplace to be a right, not a (rare) privilege. #pat #morale #cuddles #
• I never knew @vesperae thought I was so humorously snarky. http://bit.ly/ct1aDL #cute #evil #
• #vss "Tsigria, I hath realised I love thou!" "Oh Gron…" Lord Darkness coughed loudly. "Please save the epiphanies until after I kill you." #
• Came home to an empty house with a note saying they've gone for a 2nd opinion. Ashamed cos kinda relieved not to have to see him so ill :/ #
• I'm glad I didn't go into work. Couldn't face it. And I would have missed him purry and chatty. How I want to remember him. #
• SCAM WARNING. Phone call "from Windows" said our computer has malware. Wanted us to follow instructions. Rang off when questioned. Pls RT. #
• Astounding. Three of us just played #Pandemic two of us beginners, and won. :D #boardgames (The German player wanted to sacrifice Essen) :D #
• Also, the cat is still alive. Eating more and more and looking well. The prognosis is unchanged, but at least he'll enjoy his last days. #
• Mere hours after we save the world in #Pandemic scientists in Atlanta make a breakthrough: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10661117 #
• RT @bbctech: Hackers relax with a spot of lock-picking http://bit.ly/bCzmDM // Good old hardware hacking; I wish I had the guts for it! :D #
• Taking a friend to the airport, I saw a passenger in camo fatigues. No idea if they were real army gear but I wondered if she's off to Iraq. #
• So what's this #stupidscientology tag all about then? (I know a great deal about $cientology, but what specifically's happened this time?) #
• Ah, it's Evan Harris's doing. British skeptics ftw. <3 #
• #Scientology Sea Org pressures pregnant women employees to have abortions so they can work harder. http://bit.ly/9vMu8G #stupidscientology #
• Did you know that UK #Scientology is based in Australia at a fake address to dodge taxes? http://youtu.be/vHpFxwxhAM0 #stupidscientology #
• My last two tweets are both via @oper_clambake – please RT them. http://bit.ly/9gvs0e http://bit.ly/aGSuCR #stupidscientology #
• Currently music: Living Colour's hit featured in Guitar Hero III, Cult of Scientol… wait… #stupidscientology http://youtu.be/bd9DiGj6vBg #
• Who joins cults? #Cult victims are NOT all stupid. They ARE all vulnerable. This is worth a read: http://bit.ly/bvxMSE #stupidscientology #
• I've just found a much better religion. Am burning my copy of Dianetics and joining up today! http://youtu.be/CoVXf91fx68 #stupidscientology #
• #ebz The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Why does it look at us like that? http://fallenlondon.com/c/163537 #
• I think the interwebs is in my brain. I read one of the opening phrases here http://bit.ly/92aocA as "regular flow of tourists and lolcats". #
• It's like a miniature spatial mechanics puzzle every day, trying to fit my stuff in the staff fridge. I call it the FRIGSAW. #
• "Scientology is evil" -Justice Anderson "It is corrupt sinister and dangerous" -Justice Latey; more: http://bit.ly/bxIjJ9 #stupidscientology #
• Be kind! If you had Tom Cruise's problems, you might be Tom Cruise crazy too. Love this song: http://youtu.be/Z4PNpFjKVfY #stupidscientology #
• #vss Just one. One more espresso and he'd reach a state in which his hands could write quickly enough to keep up with his mind. Or he'd die. #
• #vss A potential cult leader, but his self-worship warred with his misanthropy. He remained a religion of one and preferred it that way. #
• #vss "You're an angel," she said. "I can see your halo of light." He smiled at this, for it meant the poison was working as they'd told him. #
• "FREE REIN" is a horsey phrase, similar to the more archaic "give someone their head". Spell it as in REINS, not TO REIGN. #bugbears #psa #
• I like how succinctly comment 17:43 puts it http://bit.ly/asIPbH but favour Kingsley's approach http://bit.ly/8ZMxGo @jourdemayne #niqab #fr #
• I now have Metallica singing "master of pedants, I'm picking your nits" in my head thanks to ze lovely @Anke. Argh. x) #
• Gays&lesbians on TV: http://bit.ly/ciYnG9 Syed story in EastEnders sucked. I'd rather see characters say "You're gay? We guessed. So what?" #
• But what I'd really like to see is something that doesn't equate "transgender" with "male-to-female transgender". Vain hope, I know. #
• And FFS I wish they'd sack all the 'entertainers' whose one gimmick is being camp. Go away Alan Carr. You're overcompensating for something. #
• Halal makeup! http://bit.ly/9QXEwV I kinda see this as cashing in on Muslims actually. :-/ But ethically made products in general are good. #
• A woman had consensual sex with a man, but then said he'd lied about his race and accused him of rape. http://bit.ly/adACUR Nasty. Horrible. #
• If you enjoy the beliefs of #stupidscientology you may enjoy "A Dog Called Demolition" by Robert Rankin. Invisible aliens on our shoulders! #
• #vss The Mint printed paper souls and distributed them. Some ate them dry and were blessed. Some added ketchup and were revered as prophets. #
• #vss Dearest Jaina, A colony of vampires demanded your whereabouts amidst threats of death. Please find enclosed approx 60kg ash. Suitov xx #
• Our kitty is still – impossibly – alive. When I think of how I felt last Friday, too sad and distressed to do anything, I feel… cheated? #
• N.B. His owner being up every night hand-feeding him to coax him to eat has a lot to do with the 'miraculous' prolongment of life. #
• For the record, I am God and I hate Fred Phelps. (And Jedi, and kittens.) http://bit.ly/c34Zxu Oh and I love fags, furries, anons and geeks. #
• #vss One of Lord Suitov's tenants wrote in to an agricultural journal with a correction. The writer bemoaned "pedantry among the peasantry". #
• #vss Weft had known arrogant prats who liked to "give the other chap a sporting chance". Suitov wasn't one. If he wanted you dead, you died. #
• #vss Suitov said ending a life wasn't a game; "anything less than a quick, clean kill degrades the dignity of all concerned." Weft shrugged. #
• #vss "We're always taught that toying with our victims is a sin," he said. Suitov showed interest. "For what reason?" "It just is, I think." #
• #vss "How like a dirty KITTY to have to be told not to play with 'is food," sneered the dog from across the room. "I'm not a-!" yowled Weft. #
• Well, there's a thing. I never thought I could find a leering gargoyle unsexy until I saw a picture of Andrew Lloyd Webber. #
• Anyone trying to access Wikileaks, try using Coral Cache (coralcdn.org) to speed things up. #stupidscientology #wikileaks #
• Fiction post: Suitov's only weakness, apart from all the others! http://bit.ly/9Lzkt8 #writing (not #vss but not all *that* long) #
• http://bit.ly/chzPKA …… SCREW YOU I AM HAPPY WITH MYSELF 'MKAY #
• The bar is selling "roast ox" crisps. In this age when children don't know where eggs come from, do people know what an "ox" actually is? #
• An ox is a boy cow who has had the snip. You're eating a castrato moo. They're used as draft animals because it's safer than an entire bull. #
• #vss Poets of more than one gender had serenaded Suitov. He was gracious, but whenever "stormy grey eyes" came up he inwardly rolled them. #
• I favour E-Type over Basshunter, but Angel in the Night is delightful. So disgustingly happy! http://youtu.be/h0vIGAU3YBA #
• RT @Anke @EchoBazaar …please make the "Abandon this" option on Ventures the last in the list? // Good idea. Logical next to "Perhaps not". #
• BBC proofreading fail. :D "Motley Crew"? http://bit.ly/cycLoL (hint: they mean http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%B6tley_Cr%C3%BCe ) #metal #
• I was the only person on this web writing training course who knows what a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever is. #lameclaimtofame #dogs #
• RT @sherlocking, @trixafaerie http://bit.ly/bvfHfU #Sherlock #PrincessBride // Glad I wasn't the only one thinking "immunity to iocaine!" #
• I need to dig out Momentary Lapse. A chance mention on Rock Radio has got me all gaga for Learning to Fly again. Where's that CD? #pinkfloyd #
• Pink Floyd – Learning to Fly http://youtu.be/YwkFS3WjXSw #pinkfloyd #aerophile #slipthesurlybondsofearth Listen and be pwned. #
• Man, I never thought we'd get these #commissioning pages up. Now I can go home!! #
• Could that girlfriend have BEEN any more pathetic? Mary Morstan was far more impressive. Thumbs down for feminism, #sherlock #
• The #sherlock view of the Chinese was everything that makes me cringe. What century's this? Expected better after a godlike opening episode. #
• RT @jamiesont: Ep 3 of #Sherlock has Holmes and Watson investigating the perplexing mystery of what the fuck happened with episode 2. #
• http://bit.ly/aLeAJ8 developer has never heard of {text-transform: lowercase} and customer has never heard of SENSE #
• One great #Sherlock moment was when he smiled at the girl, she looked away and his face instantly reset. I've learned not to do that! #aspie #
• Here Come the Controls for the Heart of the Sun #floydbeatles #
• Currently idly pondering how one might update The Hound of the Baskervilles for a modern #sherlock Perhaps not with a literal dog. Tricksy. #
• RT @R4isStatic: Today's BBC football news. http://twitpic.com/2axca8 // In which case I take it back; #sherlock was bang with the times. :( #
• Hollyoaks doing a FtM #transgender plot. Yes, transboys exist too! http://bit.ly/bRFP7Y #gender Hopes not high but at least it's being done. #
• RT @lokicuki: @suitov this weekend you are getting laid #fortunecookie // *SCREAMS* #
• #vss Suitov's future plans were… thorough. "That can wait til I'm no longer young and angry." You can have too much perspective, Weft mused. #
• Mass find-and-replace to fix some broken characters. I always feel a little siren should go off and flash a red LED when I use this feature. #
• Going overkill on the 'helpful'(?) information again. lol me. #
• I scored 34 on the BBC #Mastermind quiz thanks to my frabjous knowledge of Religion. Can you do better? http://www.bbc.co.uk/mastermind/quiz #
• We can't get the lumps out of our cat, no matter how we civet. #punliners #definethis #
• New Statesman article bashing #Sherlock makes a good point. http://bit.ly/dC3lLd We need more people writing sensible, funny female leads. #
• #vss People on his world used horses and sailboats. Steam was years away. Yet someone had shown Suitov a laser and he wasn't giving it back. #
• This Painting appears altered! 'Tis betrayed by certain of the Brushstrokes and my acquaintance with copious Forgeries. #18thcenturyinternet #
• #vss The dog, albeit foul-minded, was harmless enough. Still, ancient instincts in Weft's hindbrain urged him to flee. Possibly up a tree. #
• #18thcenturyinternet The Thrilling Adventures of the Countess of Lovelace and Mr Charles Babbage: http://2dgoggles.com/ (actually 19thC) #
• Normally I'd stay 30-60 minutes late at work, but today I… wait. Wait wait. Why am I even trying to justify leaving on time. #hermygohome #
• Our cat, Piper, died today. Here he is. He was a spoiled boy and will be much missed. http://twitpic.com/2bkmy6 #
• I've cause to break out my #Sherlock Holmes anthology. It has the original Sidney Paget illustrations from the Strand Magazine. Delightful. #
• Gay marriage ban overturned in CA, USA http://bit.ly/aSunhe Yay! #gaymarriage #doglikesfags #
• RT @si_lumb: Today I controlled a computer using only my mind. It was hard, surprising and AWESOME http://twitpic.com/2buca2 // DO WANT #
• Awwwwwwwwww! http://bit.ly/bIJbRR #cute #
• RT @thoroughlygood: Night night everyone: http://gu.com/p/2tznn/iw // AURORA LUST #
• Wonderful article about the meaning of "fairness" in UK and USA. http://bit.ly/9ikgqr Hits the nail on the head, I think. #
• Why hellllllllooooooo sailor. Now these are navy recruits I wouldn't mind picking up on shore leave. http://bit.ly/cwWt20 #puppies #cute #
• via @brendandawes @steverg: Happiest DJ ever http://youtu.be/QiCOmqvWUaw So this is kind of what I look like at my desk. Is this worrying? #
• For #TMIFriday "Magic" on Shade stems from mutated mitochondria that synth ATP into Adenosine Handwaveate.&Magic thus maternally heritable. #
• Whaddaya mean talking about our worldbuilding isn't the point of #TMIFriday I haven't even started on the red pandas who run Montuone… ;) #
• That "writing descriptions for clips" course was SO USEFUL. I'm using the info even while constructing paragraphs, titles etc for new pages. #
• RT @Anke: @SarahSiddons fridayflash, "Journey" [...] http://bit.ly/aAWAYK // delightful #
• If you hafta work late, & your counterpart in London has to too, least you can do is reduce him to giggles with talk of robot clones, I say. #
• #vss What others saw as his increasing mood swings or volatility, I knew to be the first sputtering gasps of a broken spirit healing itself. #
• We went to see some Bengali-cross kittens today, but they were nothing to fall in love with. My evil plan to get another pet continues, tho. #
• If something makes you hungry or keen, it WHETS (sharpens) your appetite. It doesn't wet (dampen) it. Keen means "sharp" too! #psa #bugbears #
• By the way, if I seem unusually taciturn, it's because I'm mostly avoiding Twitter et al for fear of the dreaded #spoilers #sherlock #
• BASTARD. BASTARDS! BEST THING EVER! #sherlock BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS I WILL CRUNCH THEIR BONES WHOLE DAMN THEM. aaand I'm spent. #
• So yeah, that was good. Gooood. #sherlock #
• Now I'm going to have the #Dexter theme tune in my head for WEEKS. #sherlock #
• #sherlock http://bit.ly/9NjqHQ #
• Why doesn't USA have $1 coins? Turns out these DO exist, in quantity, but consumers are too lazy to change over. Weird: http://bit.ly/czunxp #
• #vss "Stand closer and smile at him," said the portrait artist, "or nobody will be able to tell you're lovers." "We're WHAT?" he shrieked. #
• I'm not sure why all the Moriarty hate from #Sherlock viewers. I quite liked him. He's how Graham Norton should be. #
• I feared 'Moriarty' would turn out to be Irene Adler. (Adler is my favourite woman ever, but I can't bear to see her done badly). #sherlock #
• I've seen at least one person call Benedict Cumberbatch "Dominic". That happens to the other Benedict I know. Yet nobody says "Benjamin"… #
• I mean, Dominic is etymologically to do with 'Lord', and a Benedict-ion is a blessing, so kind of a Latinate connection, but still strange. #
• So #Sherlock fans, how wd you adapt The Hound? My version (thought too much about this!) involves hoodies with staffiemastiff. Modern fears. #
• #vss "The casual sex is nice, Marie," Simone said, "but getting a rabbit is a pretty big commitment, wouldn't you say?" #
• #vss "It isn't anaemia," he said – and I could hear in his voice the hundreds of times he must've had to explain it. "I was born this pale." #
• #vss She called Maybelle from his parents' house in floods of tears. "I'm sure it wasn't as bad as y–" "He introduced me as his assistant!" #
• #vss "Anthea, got the 7C spanner?" Anthea passed it to her. A pity she didn't spot the stain, or they might have been able to save the moon. #
• Still smirking a little at people talking about #Sherlock #039;s "cliffhanger" without connecting it to the literal cliffhanger in Final Problem. #
• ROLL UP! @steven_moffat and @Markgatiss tease the #Sherlock fangirls! http://bit.ly/cHkAWy FEATURING! Moffat as Bad Cop! Gatiss as Good Cop! #
• Any twitchers among my followers? #Birdwatching news and a pretty shrike: http://bit.ly/9j9vOa #
• A bake sale in support of #Pakistan .. on the first day of #Ramadan I'd better, er, give it extra support to make up for their #timingfail #
• If you doubt the supreme doability of Jeremy Brett, I give you Young Brett & Mr Binks: http://bit.ly/bg7lTM Squee away. #sherlock #teambrett #
• If you doubt Jeremy Brett's supreme doability, I give you Young Brett & Mr Binks: http://flic.kr/p/6Biht9 Squee away. #sherlock #teambrett #
• "A Study in Red", Daily Mail? Really? http://bit.ly/9kmPhw (via @feetintheriver) #sherlock http://twitpic.com/2dp37n #
• #vss "I've been bad," she said. He said "Should I make you feel better or worse?" "Make me feel nothing." After a dreamless sleep, she woke. #
• Alphonse Mucha (art nouveau) news for @Anke: http://bit.ly/byagGg #
• RT @chagandbm: This week's Picture of the Week is a #Sherlock special! http://bit.ly/b6hAYi // Cute Reichenbach Falls painting by JMW Turner #
• Let's help the Grauniad with these spellings. http://bit.ly/djsiyC Firstly, SEPARATE contains "a rat". Squeak squeak! #PSA #bugbears #
• If you can spell INFINITE, you can definitely spell DEFINITE. Your difficulty is finite. #PSA #bugbears (misspellings: http://bit.ly/djsiyC) #
• A tricky oeuvre of words, French in origin: MANOEUVRE, hors d'OEUVRE. Compare oeuf (egg), boeuf (beef) #PSA #bugbears (http://bit.ly/djsiyC) #
• As a child I resorted to initialisms to remember NECESSITY. "No-one Easily Conquers Everest," Said Sherpa. "It Takes Years." #PSA #bugbears #
• I'll stop with the spellings now, honestly. It's not my fault. I'm a half-teacher. *sobs* #
• RT @CustardCat: Rainy computers in Manchester. http://yfrog.com/20ryvj // love the hoopy geeks saying "OMGz water?!!?!?! Quick, towel!!" #
• Holidaymakers! Check you have your passport before setting off. The best time for this is two hours before your ferry is due to leave. #lol #
• #vss "You can't kill gods. They're gods." "Has anyone tried?" asked Suitov, who was probably just being deliberately contrary. Probably. #
• My mates' mates seem to post nasty racist/sexist crap on FB (one reason I haven't joined). Is that normal for FB? Are they just foul people? #
• Thx for answers: @FionaSarah @Altivo & @cmrsalmon who confirm FB is full of scum, and @Anke & @HelenRBrennan who only friend non-foul people #
• I think I will still not be joining Facebook. :) #
• Hahahahaha. That was quality. Just seen @Custardcat catch a young wren (or something, idk, wildlife 'n' shit) and release it outside. #
• I looked it up! The bird we were clumping after like a pair of troglodytes was… a member of Troglodytes troglodytes. http://bit.ly/bO3x66 #
• The bird has been the ONLY thing that has happened today. I can plainly see why Moriarty took up being a larger-than-life crime lord. BORED. #
• Aww, a gigantic housefly just landed on my sleeve and perked its little head up at me. Sweet! <3 ….Now bored. #
• The Starveling Moggy! The Starveling Moggy! …My lead's gone slack; where the h–ll is my doggy? #ebz #
• My brother says he asks me before Dad when it comes to looking things up on t'internet because I'm "twice as fast". Damn straight. #googlefu #
• Ooh, is Will It Blend moving up to car crushers? Please? PLEASE? http://twitpic.com/2e9xud via @fraserspeirs @thoroughlygood #ipad #
• So, to London on Monday for a course. It just so happens that I'll arrive early. Oh Baker Street, you wanton minx… well, if you insist… #
• I thought I saw @degsy in Manchester, but wasn't sure enough to say hi. It has been a fun day. #
• Hahaha oh god. #metrostink made me miss two trains, & now I've reached the Big Smoke, the course I was to attend seems to be mythical. #fail #
• And you know the REALLY annoying thing? A busker on the tube was playing Baker Street. Which I didn't get to visit thanks to #metrostink :D #
• Training room located! Course laid in. ZOOM -> #
• I arrived home with almost no further misadventure! Read "Murder, My Dear Watson" on the train there & listened Holmes radioplays on return. #
• Look, miniature cars! #cute And how to have fun writing copy #1 sneak evil #punliners in there. Alea jacta somethin'. http://bbc.in/bEGOEp #
• I'm filtering out the words "Whats yours" (sic) and my timeline is a much happier place. #twifficiency #spam #
• RT @paulmsmith: Don't call them Dragons for nothing: http://airfrnt.at/aTpfgV (via @kevmain) #dragonsden #
• I needn't worry if Sv & Weft are similar to Holmes and Watson because Holmes is clearly the cat and Watson the dog. Also, Watson's sane. #
• Finnish-language eurodance. <3 http://www.last.fm/music/Movetron/_/Cupido #
• Overhauling a webpage that, when print-previewed in IE, thinks it's 700+ pages long. Funtimes. #
• Did the 1990s contribute *anything* of any worth to music? #
• And I say the previous as an unabashed Eurovision watcher. #
• You know what #Sherlock fandom needs? Its own equivalent of the Picard Song. Just sayin'. http://bit.ly/1I3QWm #
• OK, @R4isStatic and @TonyNoland helped, but @Anke has just conclusively saved the 90s. http://twitter.com/Anke/statuses/21496482449 #
• Koran through the Ages: http://bbc.in/d46JtG Nice to see an article on it but you'd think they'd bother using BBC standard spelling, Qur'an. #
• #vss The wizard didn't care. He wanted a dragon steed. He forgot to specify a female, however, and it's the males with the dorsal spines. #
• #vss The bard didn't care. As long as someone was buying, he'd play whatever they wanted. "The king's a fat bastard who – oh, hi officer…" #
• #vss The druid didn't care. They'd trespassed on her grove and must die. Wolves surrounded the soldier as he cradled the baby and the crown. #
• #vss The paladin didn't care. Undead were all alike to him. He unsheathed his blade as the boulder rolled aside from the tomb's entrance. #
• RT @MissBox: Oh. Em. God. Actual tears. http://youtu.be/FZKWs7VA0lU #sherlock #mitchellandwebb #omgwhy // The bee-keeping… :'( Bastards. #
• Bald moo-cow. Two lessons: http://bbc.in/bwtVZQ Non-humans bully different people too, and Somerset journalists need to learn English. ;) #
• #vss He had the occasional flash of inspiration. This was one such. It said: shut up, drink the poison, say nothing about acquired immunity. #
• #vss There was a game among his generals. It was called "how will milord Suitov fake his own death to avoid a portrait sitting THIS week?" #
• #vss Suitov would uncannily guess what you were thinking. Amazing observational powers, they whispered. He didn't admit he was just psychic. #
• Wowsers. So good. SO GOOD. Keith Olbermann on the "Ground Zero mosque" http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/38731398%2338731398 #
• Ohh, she said pay-per-click. I wondered why she was talking about putting paperclips on their website. #
• #vss Feisal's only power was that he'd read fairy tales. To the arrogant sorcerer he cried "Are you afraid to face me, you cowardly snail?" #
• #vss "I meant standing-wave diffraction in a *metaphorical* sense," said Suitov, as if that was meant to clarify anything. #
• RT @mydogminton: … Regardless of opinions on Flash sites, on principle I wouldn't touch something that made the choice for me. // This. #
• The devil went down to Baker Street a-looking for a soul to steal. He was in a bind, he was way behind and willing to make a deal. #sherlock #
• He came upon a bored man sawing on a fiddle, playing it hot, and the devil jumped outta his taxicab saying "Show me what you got!" #sherlock #
• "I bet you didn't know it but I'm a fiddle-player too, and if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you." #sherlock #
• You play a pretty good fiddle boy, but give the devil his due; I bet a fiddle of gold agin your soul cuz I think I'm better'n you. #sherlock #
• The man sneered "My name's #Sherlock and lucky for you, I'm bored," and he rozined up his fiddlestick and played a little chord. #
• The devil opened up his case saying "Let the concert start," but jist then he keeled right over with a bullet in his heart. #sherlock #
• Been described as the #Nerve Monarch who "knows EVERYTHING" by an excitable @isntit. Then gave actual directions. Where's Herm and who am I? #
• And a colleague remarked "you're cheerful", which is when I realised I'd been whistling the Tetris theme. #suspectingIammyowndoppelganger #
• Playing Draw and Fold Over. Next up, feet! http://bit.ly/cYesxz // best webidea EVAR. #
• Uncultured brothers haven't yet seen Sherlock, so this weekend I'm holding a board game night and viewing of ep.1. Anyone local up for BSG? #
• "The international chocolate scale is this: Switzerland > Belgium > UK > Every other country in the world > USA" -Bobski via @SleepTalkinMan #
• Organised work cutlery drawer AGAIN. Hacked box of straws. Let's see how long b4 the grubby slobs destroy THIS one http://twitpic.com/2gi5y1 #
• Right, this is ridiculous. I really need to remember my Steam password or make up a new one. Curse my attachment to numbers and symbols. #
• Wynne just told Alistair where babies come from. DEAD. VERY DEAD FROM LOLS. #dragonage #
• Well, it's 9am, and guess how many brothers have turned up on time? No, go on, guess. #
• Oh, it's only Herm, we'll not bother keeping to arrangements, it's not like Herm is important and hey he won't mind so let's stay in bed. #
• Know what'll happen if I tell them I'm disappointed they've let me down again? I will be accused of "guilt tripping" them. Ah, best friends. #
• The gits! Still haven't managed to show them Sherlock, but at least I've got them hooked on Battlestar. #boardgames #
• Ambassadorr Baskerveell, wiz zis sundaes you arr really spoiling uz. #nom #frustratedcreative #undeservingbrothers http://twitpic.com/2h5yzy #
• A normal action film with all but one of the main characters being sensibly-dressed women, and nobody remarks on the fact. #unusedplottwists #
• Main character chooses the sensible, dependable romantic option instead of the newly-met object of lust. They are happy. #unusedplottwists #
• The villain lives by Peter Anspach's Evil Overlord List and thus wins, convincingly and with crowning moments of awesome. #unusedplottwists #
• The young wild-eyed girl to whom nobody listens is actually not psychic, just an attention-seeker, and is proven wrong. #unusedplottwists #
• A lead character makes a big speech about If We Just Believe, and then loses to the pragmatic, better-prepared side. #unusedplottwists #
• A new, gifted upstart loses to an experienced, hard-working expert. #unusedplottwists #
• The geekish main character lets her hair down and takes off her glasses. Nobody fancies her more as a result. #unusedplottwists #
• Soldier and nurse decide "being the only two people on the abandoned base" isn't enough of a basis for a relationship. #unusedplottwists #
• The cowardly character who keeps wanting to flee is supported and encouraged by the others, and does not betray them. #unusedplottwists #
• The chief engineer says her task will take 48 hours. The captain gives her 48. The solution is properly tested and works. #unusedplottwists #
• The female superhero has a power that is not not based on her appearance or on mind-controlling men into loving her. #unusedplottwists #
• A character comes out as gay, to a few muted congratulations and a lot of indifference. Nobody treats him any differently. #unusedplottwists #
• Main character gives an impassioned confession to an audience and is booed offstage. Love interest loses respect for them. #unusedplottwists #
• RT @mydogminton: Video: World's Least Popular Martial Art http://bit.ly/aeWV8F // I called it before he did it! Not sure I'm proud of that. #
• The outwardly curmudgeonly soldier is not eventually melted by the presence of an adorable child. #unusedplottwists #
• The prophecy is unfulfilled. It's a close call, so everyone learns a lesson about gullibility and self-fulfilling twaddle. #unusedplottwists #
• The bridge crew mutinies when captain risks one madcap, dangerous stunt too many. The first officer leads them to victory. #unusedplottwists #
• The son's determined not to follow in his father's footsteps. He makes a successful career of his own and they stay close. #unusedplottwists #
• The beast transforms back into a handsome prince. But the maiden loved the beast, and leaves, heartbroken. #unusedplottwists #
• "TS Elliot", oh literary-referencing scriptwriter? Really? #letmecorrecthatforyou #
• Oxford Circus lit up like a model layout: http://flic.kr/p/7ksbz7 #tiltshift gorgeousness via @itonlyendsonce #
• Where others had great teachers that enthused them, I have only memories of school turning me off things I previously loved. English, art… #
• Honestly, if I thought about it, I'd just whine constantly. And possibly cry. How wonderful school *can* be! But how awful it sometimes is. #
• It's taken me until I started work to begin making friends and developing social skills – but maybe it just takes that long for some people. #
• Now for some Steampunk Scally Gangsta Rap. http://youtu.be/dsaLyUTDGTo #
• RT@rhodri Crap bag retails at £4,295: http://goo.gl/AUVk // This makes me ashamed to be canine by adoption. Made by Justin Bieber too I see. #
• #vss "Suitov, why don't you remember any theology I teach you except the contradictory parts? I-I mean the parts YOU say are contradictory." #
• #vss Of all the tastes he'd woken up with in his mouth – blood, piss, vomit – he found cucumber the most disturbing. #
• I've just been handed a puzzle in sonnet form, out of the blue. No clues. Oh I could pretend to hate this, but… :D #
• "Wrong direction. Oh well, it took *me* two days to get yours." THANKS THAT WAS SO HELPFUL #greatsonnetmystery #
• #vss Loud enough for eavesdroppers, she told Viv "You cut off one lousy penis and suddenly YOU'RE the loony!" No men bothered her all night. #
• There are some odd word formations but I can't ferret anything out of them. Other than one that's been confirmed wrong. #greatsonnetmystery #
• "Mock" and "mark" are similar but no corresponding similarity further down; it's not double letters; not punctuation… #greatsonnetmystery #
• "While" and "Will" might be Shakespeare puns but I can't make that fit. And it's not an initialism (hate those). #greatsonnetmystery #
• If I have to suffer the #greatsonnetmystery then you lot can jolly well play along too. Here's one I devised: http://hellhound.net/blog/2325 #
• Well, I think the answer is Jack the Ripper. No proof yet, but I've always suspected Shakespeare was Jack the Ripper. #greatsonnetmystery #
• It'd be droll if Jack the Ripper travelled through time and wrote Shakespeare's plays, and Shakespeare did his murders. #greatsonnetmystery #
• Still no idea what I'm looking for, and the word "sweet" keeps making me think "aha must be a pun on Sweet William!" FML #greatsonnetmystery #
• #vss The translucent dragon perched on his shoulder, chirping. How cute! But he found it less so when its larval young burst from his neck. #
• Giving up on #greatsonnetmystery for now, although I've been informed I've got a couple of parts but probably don't know why yet. #
• RT @barrymcgee: http://youtu.be/MOuCjzVAO_w // CORRECT solution! #
• I have the #greatsonnetmystery with me on my desk, if anyone wants to take a look. I'd rather you were also stumped, to make me feel better. #
• #vss To begin with he only targeted the greedy. But then there were those he knew would be greedy given the chance. And those that might be. #
• Ghost dogs, Black Shuck and #hellhounds .. hilarious short 'factual' film. Two witnesses draw a picture of him. http://youtu.be/4Au1Y8xcV-0 #
• #vss Saunders, they're alive but not for long. You must send more penicillin. You must! If you saw the conditions here – just send it! Gregg #
• Women protest movements – are they more effective than men? http://bbc.in/cywZWL (Article doesn't mention it's seen as bad to hit a woman.) #
• Woodlands Junior School (our arch-nemeses!:) are now projectbritain.com. For amateurish-looking site, they're top of Google for everything! #
• Now everywhere I look in the #greatsonnetmystery I see blood, soldiers, death. I have stared too LoNG iNTo ThE abYss BetWEeN LeTeERSSs #
• "Verticle navigation", eh? #
• Our highschool Home Economics teacher told us the secret to seducing a man. It is apple crumble. No word of a lie. #feminismftw #misandryftw #
• Colleague just noticed my "not a psychopath, high-functioning sociopath, do your research" wallpaper and fell about laughing. #sherlock #
• #vss Young Rigey declared that he wanted to be an agrochemist and not a warlord. He was barred from the library as punishment. #theprompt #
• #vss A few years later young Rige was expected to take up the blade. He didn't complain. But his fencing tutors resigned, one after another. #
• #vss At nine years old, Rige made sure his father didn't learn of his acting ambitions. His actor and playwright pals were sworn to secrecy. #
• #vss Eleven-year-old Rige loved his new little sister dearly. He made her toy soldiers and taught her military strategy with her teddybears. #
• #vss As if to spite twelve-year-old Rige, his family died, leaving him sole heir to the Suitov lordship. He was furious. Absolutely livid. #
• Oh FFS, Britain: http://bit.ly/dqq0od #trashcat #thesun #goingabitfar via @spielbergio #
• De'Ath ("deeth") is a wonderful surname. Not because it's gothic or funny or anything; it's just… pretty. It may derive from Ath, Belgium. #
• Someone I know has just called Rule 34 on MONIAC computers. I don't even want to look. Don't even want to look. #
• Woe, #trashcat lacks a soundtrack and thus will never merit a @schmoyoho remix. Truly a tragedy for our times. #
• RT @semanticist: Is REE a good enough reason to not move to Ruby 1.9? // hey @Ree, can you answer this? #
• Does it count if you teared up but didn't actually sob? #toystory3 #
• Feeling so *very* ill. I hope it's just lack of sleep. #Pathfinder kept us up late; I've never had such fun #roleplaying a stupid 10-yr-old. #
• #vss "If you liked her, Suitov, you should've put a ring on her." "My pride limited how many times I could propose!" "Oh, how many?" "194." #
• A "cow whisperer". Not Temple Grandin, sadly. http://bbc.in/c38iYz ("Do they bully each other?" #badpuns #
• Oh holy biscuit. Is this a game-changer? http://bbc.in/alIyNg #google #skype #voip #
• I'm honoured to be mentioned in this @BubbleCow article interviewing @namenick on #vss and #twitfic http://bit.ly/auuuJb #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Irene Adler. Mina Harker. Every spaceship in Iain M Banks novels, particularly GCU Grey Area and Sleeper Service. #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Moya and her Pilot, to say nothing of Talyn. #farscape #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes The entity known as 'Dragon' in the Ian Cormac novels by Neal Asher. #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Mortimer Toynbee, Harleen Quinzel, K9. #possiblesidekickfetish #
• RT @Foomandoonian: Dalai Lama says his successor could be a woman, but she should be attractive: http://bit.ly/dollylama // HE CAN TALK! >:O #
• "You've gained a quality: Unaccountably Peckish at 1." Squee! And a Correspondence text. Squee! And… Nightmares reference? omfgsquee. #ebz #
• Is it normal to listen to this for relaxation? http://youtu.be/zxfDF_j79qw #neverhadrealtea #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Susan Calvin. (because I forgot her yesterday and cannot allow that to stand) #
• From: BBCShop.com Subject: We thought you would like to know that your order has been shipped … Yes. Yes I do like to know. #sherlock #yay #
• Just come across the Circumcellions. Delightful. #ebz #
• #ebz a Diverting Educational and Thrilling Ride into the Chasmic Abysms of Subterranean Troglodytry! http://fallenlondon.com/c/228095 #
• Ugh. No. Just NO. http://bbc.in/bTL7TT Does anyone think #Sherlock would have been a hundredth as good if written by committee? FOADIAF kthx #
• Interesting how many people text/surf while watching. http://bbc.in/bTL7TT Perhaps because dumbed-down TV doesn't engage their whole brains! #
• FINALLY someone at the BBC standing up for themselves against the trash press! Even if it's Top Gear http://cot.ag/9CPKTA via @sicross @matt #
• Dear Twitterland: please stop using Visual Source Safe, so we writers can have our #vss tag to ourselves. (PS. the cool kids are using git.) #
• #vss "I know what the 'research' and 'facts' say, that's your truth, but my truth says otherwise." "Then that's not truth. It's a lie." #
• <ol start='5' type='A'><li style='margin-left:-40px'>WALL</li></ol> #developermovies #yeahnogoodideasshutup #
• // #include <batteries.h> #developermovies #
• <FRAME SRC="rogerrabbit.html"> <!– When I find out who wrote this, you're sacked. Sam –> #developermovies #
• {margin:0.1em} #developermovies #
• <td> #developermovies #
• Brokeback Mountain Dew #developermovies #
• http://youtu.be/KMU0tzLwhbE #developermovies #
• </ol> #developermovies #
• SELECT * FROM Fruit WHERE Type != 'Orange' #developermovies #ormaybeaTVseries #definitelyabookanyway #
• RT @viwon: Return of the #Sherlock mini-icons http://redscharlach.livejournal.com/210436.html // # 8 and 14 are win #
• Damn. Every time I complete a job it means I can no longer use it as procrastination against another job. #
• About to be given hints at #greatsonnetmystery solution. I'm really stumped. #
• Ugh, too difficult. Not in the mood for "read the author's mind" puzzles, hate those. #
• RT @mikerass: Does Language Shape How You Think? – http://nyti.ms/9pm5ia // I adore Sapir-Whorf. Hedge my bets on its accuracy, just luv it. #
• Cats are spoiled in this house. I got a cushion to tuck under F's head. Mother: "You haven't pre-warmed it! I always pre-warm his cushions!" #
• This is Filibuster. He doesn't live here. #cat #kitty #filibuster http://twitter.com/Suitov/status/22373069429 http://twitpic.com/2j2q7l #
• #vss As they faltered, he quietly said "So. They think they can outwit Shade's finest, eh?" And they rallied. It really was expertly judged. #
• #vss Dozen élite battlemages and he throws ME to them. Martial arts instructor? What's he think I can teach them? It's official, HE HATES ME #
• #vss Dear Tilly, know you can't read but I miss you. Your gorgeous scent and silky tail. When my cone collar comes off we shall reunite. Bxx #
• Really really needs the Voice From a Well opportunity card now… #ebz #
• #vss Suitov tossed him a polished stone. "Please tell me when it starts getting warm. Don't worry, I think I've solved the explosion issue." #
• As soon as I have the house more to myself, there will be vegetarian bacon sammiches. Because I'm an impressionable bastard. #twitterisevil #
• SO much this. RT @managecommunity Rethink Cease and Desist: don’t threaten fan communities, license your brand to them http://bit.ly/dpEsvk #
• #ebz A fig. A fig in the museum. FBG, I could just about gay marry you right now. That's delightful. #
• OK, so it's only taken me like forever to get over the US server aspect, but I've moved from Squirrelmail to Gmail. You win Google, you win. #
• I should say, you can (and should) still use my proper email address. It's just that my Gmail one works too now. #
• Quote of the day: "Where have you got the idea from that Blackpool is anything like California?" #mybrotherisachav #
• RT @deangl101: More #Sherlock to come, yesssss, http://bit.ly/biLnM9 // Three more episodes to come Autumn 2011. #
• "You know you've met a nice girl when her tattoos are spelled correctly." -via coworker #
• "God hasn't gone away. He just isn't where we thought he was." -Clifford Longley #TFTD Yes, my omnipresence screws 4sq up so I switch it off #
• Put a #tiger in your trunk. Actually, don't, you evil, psychotic criminal. http://bbc.in/bmwwse #
• "Would any of you want to be adopted by a couple of lesbians or queers?" -Cardinal Juan Sandoval Iniguez, Mexico http://bbc.in/bbydoq Yes :P #
• "I just read a great tech book called The Missing Manual." "O'Reilly?" "Ya, really." #vss #punliners #
• Oh my wow. Gosh. I feel I should warn that this is gruesome, but it's… beautiful. http://flic.kr/p/8tykru #
• This claims to be a pony, but is pretty clearly a Red Panda in disguise for nefarious reasons of its own. http://flic.kr/p/7KZ4Yv #
• RT @Anke: I do not think it's possible too draw Fennec ears too big without trying: http://bit.ly/afz1gF // holy yap them's some BIG ears! #
• Watch the "Vegetarian Carnivore" clip if you're in the UK http://bbc.in/3qDptU and see why the red panda is my favourite thing EVER. #fanboy #
• They're all "ha ha, you WILL eat dead animals" and we're all "no wai, square, pass us the sugar snap peas!" (Or rosebuds in panda's case.) #
• Red pandas actually, literally, legally own your soul. They've got it here in writing. All things belong to them. #redpandas #nothyperbole #
• When I grow up (…for a given value of grownup) I will have a house and it will be filled with specimens of Ailuridae, Manidae and Canidae. #
• And when I say house, I mean spaceship. #
• Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy (moving on from the Kennedy/Lincoln similarities thing): http://digs.by/ceff2G via @jim_from_it #
• http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/367395295/ I'M JUST SAYIN'. #
• 40% BBC One's #Sherlock 30% David Mitchell from Mitchell & Webb; 30% Dalek from Doctor Who https://www.bbcsurvey.co.uk WIN! XD #
• #vss Ted liked to have a little flutter at Ascot, especially during the Royal Meeting. There were so many big hats to crap on! #
• RT @veggienews: Meat substitutes – are they edible? http://bit.ly/b2GNRV // Tesco kievs too dry & mince full of wheat. Quorn everything rox! #
• So Vivaldi. This seasonal piece of music of yours beautifully evokes winter. Pity you titled it SUMMER. #snerk #
• #vss Buffalo Bill removed his victims' skins and wore them. He was devastated when his horn tore a hole in his favourite leopardskin corset. #
• #vss Samantha posed before the mirror. "Would you do me?" When the mirror said "Yeah, probably," she shrieked and grabbed her towel back up. #
• #vss Roy capered blood-soaked on the traffic island. Spotlights were on him at last! Albeit much smaller lights than he'd expected, and red. #
• #vss Suitov brought the dragon seasonal fruit from his homeland. Given the dragon's native climate, they ended up playing marbles with it. #
• Our Cap'n was known as a lad for 'is mean right hook. But! It's the left one, mateys, what disembowelled the Commodore today! #vss pirateday #
• Any #Drupal whizzes, please would you have a look at my question about taxonomies? http://drupal.org/node/916518 #
• Oh my, #Drupal people are fantastic. Someone provided a useful answer within minutes. http://drupal.org/node/916518 #

edit, 6/1/11: Comments disabled thanks to stupid spammers. Note to spammers: all links in my comments are rel=nofollowed!

• I found out my brother can't touch-type. I feel a little dirty. Like he's a racist or something. Today on Trisha: "My 20WPM family shame!" #
• #vss Sam was born immune to HIV. He never entered a hospital and he died with the cure in his blood undiscovered. Sam was an Amazonian frog. #
• It's very sad when I glance at the breaking news feed and go "oh, another deadly mosque attack in Lahore". Get yourself together, world! #
• On the BBC in 1977: "What Right Have You Got? A 26-part course on rights and responsibilities of the citizen". Why no stuff like that now? #
• Say my name! http://bit.ly/dlFkvD Great mashup from DJ Earworm #
• #channelingbeyonc � Boy, the way you blowin' up my phone won't make me leave no faster, put my coat on faster, leave my desk no faster. #
• I wouldn't hate society so much if a ringing phone was considered "would you like to speak?" instead of "you must speak or you are rude!!!" #
• Thanks to @CustardCat for the #ff a chap who can make Arduinos do things you thought were illegal in your home state. And also play radio. #
• I can't be bothered to do a proper list, so just #ff whomever I seem to reply to a lot, especially if their avatars are animals. #
• Hmm. I could either catch up on the #Eurovision semis (songs only, CBA with the voting) or listen to Eurobeat CD again. http://bit.ly/amjK8D #
• Fave mp3s, all CC-BY-NC-ND 2.5 Aus: http://bit.ly/cXQcui http://bit.ly/a57iA1 http://bit.ly/9J88GW http://bit.ly/9EXHPR http://bit.ly/aZCfM4 #
• But half the comedy value comes from the performances. Imagine the Greek woman's dress coming off halfway and Germans parodying Kraftwerk… #
• Delicious short fiction, my delicious friends! RT @Anke: Down a wrong path http://bit.ly/aOpX38 #fridayflash #vss #mfic (580 words) #
• #ebz A friend has found a valuable cache of Second City relics. Well, 'found'. More correctly, 'baked … http://fallenlondon.com/c/95902 #
• I'm torn… can I really vote for someone called "maNga" even if they do in fact rock? #eurovision #
• Other Brother says #Turkey has black eyes "like The Source from Charmed". And that there's a power ranger. #eurovision #
• POWER TOOLS POWER TOOLS #TURKEY TO WIN #eurovision #
• Gary Glitter and a Wurzel had a lovechild and it's playing violin for #Albania #eurovision #
• I'm liking all the larger ladies on #eurovision but I'd like to see a larger gentleman singing (something other than comedy or opera). #
• I know it's only ten seconds in, but it's not a ballad and I want it to win. #france #eurovision #
• That… that's @metaltax on piano with Shania Twain. *gawp* #eurovision #romania #
• Refreshing pyromania from #Russia and #Romania Want more songs about burning things, please. #eurovision #fire #lovelyfire #
• Scansion problems are hurting this for me. The songwriters had very English-sounding names, so there's no excuse! #germany #eurovision #
• Adorable. Do you get votes for adorable? #portugal #eurovision #
• Other Brother: "Those two have got faces only a mother could love. And voices." #denmark #eurovision #
• Hope someone jumps on stage again. and we have to hear this again. #spain #eurovision #sadism #
• If I normally voted, I'd have a very hard time choosing. There were lots I really enjoyed. …Why has the presenter got pizzas? #eurovision #
• Nut allergies. The most unexpected topic of #eurovision interval comedy ever? #
• Has been counting the #doggies on the live webcam feed thingies. #eurovision #
• The German crowd is singing the riff from Seven Nation Army. Is the revolution about to begin? FDSFSD GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON SCREEN #eurovision #
• #Portugal how could you. Douze points to #Spain Really? Neighbourly love only goes so far… #eurovision #
• #Iceland #039;s dramatic sunset promises "Vote for us or we'll put a blanket over Strokkur right now!" #eurovision #
• AHAHAHA Belarus overtake us with a 12 from whoever gave their votes last. They didn't deserve last place; they were pretty good. #eurovision #
• How long can Europe punish us? Just askin'. #eurovision #
• OK. She's adorable. Deserving winner. #germany #eurovision #greatbigsofttouch #
• Played the guess-who-I-am game last night. This is how bad we were at it… #
• I narrowed mine down to: White male actor; TV; famous for vehicle; car; talking smartarse car; car is KITT… I still didn't know. #thehoff #
• Another guy narrowed his down to: Titular character, series of recent animated films, huge and green, donkey sidekick. Still didn't know. #
• Today is brought to you by adorable wet dog. http://www.dogbynature.com/?attachment_id=1366 #
• Intelligent, informative summary; I look fwd to Part 2. RT @jackofkent A Skeptic Looks at the #McKinnon Case, Part One http://bit.ly/cq586R #
• I want to say my new @tombihn Zephyr is unbelievably capacious, but just realised "it swallowed my huge load effortlessly" sounds, um, yeah. #
• It sometimes happens to me when I make a few tweets in close succession. *shrug* #
• #vss After you relate the argument between your two mates, I prevent myself giving my honest opinion: they're both selfish immature wasters. #
• Alan Billings on #TFTD "It's a good job everyone in Cumbria is Christian so they can heal. I blame loss of community." Opportunistic scum. #
• I'm getting lots of unwanted emails. @greenbuildexpo seem to have given my email address to all their exhibitors. I'm not OK with that. #
• I'm getting lots of unwanted emails. @greenbuildexpo seem to have given my email address to all their exhibitors without permission. Not OK. #
• Oh… my… http://bit.ly/cmDjLG (full effect is only audible when the vox kick in) #dragonforce #swingthing #
• Portrayal of science in film discussed on @r4today. IMO the tragedy in Frankenstein is Dr F's rejection of & lack of responsib. for his son. #
• HOSHI– http://bit.ly/cjnocF http://bit.ly/bNw7WA #virgin #sky #doomed #antitrust #
• Gamers, I need a carry case for 4-6 minis. Considering CHX 02860 but ideally something smaller – size of a paperback. Any ideas? Tackle box? #
• Also, Christian Bale in Equilibrium is totally Suitovy. Apart from being an utter maroon, of course. And the action hero stuff. #
• #ABBA tribute banes must change their names. But Bjorn Again is safe. http://bit.ly/cXiZUz #
• Trouble is brewing over a C4 Pope documentary fronted by Peter Tatchell http://bit.ly/aMqsv4 and a cartoon about Jesus http://bit.ly/dymR8E #
• RT @JaySlacks: Where you should, and shouldn't, hit on people: A comprehensive guide http://bit.ly/bXUo2y //glad nobody seems to hit on me! #
• The hyena-man crawled across the meadow with his rifle. Then, bang! How were we to anticipate a shot from the grassy gnoll? #vss #punliners #
• 'Gay' dog banned from diner http://bit.ly/9nqWC3 I take this PERSONAL! #
• RT @Anke Flash fiction: Wishmaking http://bit.ly/a3sIqb #fridayflash #mfic #vss (~200 words) #fantasy // f%king ace. #
• HAMMMMM HAMMMMMM GIV IT TOU MEE #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/1txqyk #
• HAMMMMM! I must aet itt!!!!! #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/1txrag #
• Hermun giv me moer hammmm HERMUNN GIV IT TU ME NAOW!!! #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/1txrmr #
• This is a totally vegetarian household. So don't ask me how the ham got there, because I'll dissemble, I'll dissemble. #
• Wow. Racism for the win. http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23ghettospellingbee #
• Went round to my brother's house, just to be faced with 3 twassholes playing WoW and ignoring me. What an annoying waste of time. #ihatewow #
• I mean, I was pretty noticeably ill last week. But if the pharmacy doesn't have my meds AGAIN tomorrow I'll… be even not-gooder, but more. #
• #vss The dead man in his head sometimes spoke of equality, of freedom for slaves, of justice. Weft was used to it, though, and ignored him. #
• Roger Waters The Wall 2011 tour: why now? http://www.rogerwaters.com/why TL;DR: I need the money. (I have just provided him some. WOO!) #
• omfg Roger Waters Roger Waters squee etc. #wewereallstudentsonce #
• My bro bought me the #BSG #boardgame, woo! (When I saw the Gameslore parcel I thought "oops, did we buy each other the same thing?" But no.) #
• A wriggle of tadpoles #collectivenouns #
• A seethe of tadpoles #collectivenouns #
• Welcome back, #bbcporn hashtag. #
• Charlie and Lolita #bbcporn #
• Pervertual Rubber Lotion #bbcporn #bbcrevolution #
• Animal Hotspittle Wive #bbcporn #
• On the tram this morning I had a short story idea about a monk called Cuddles. He's a Brother Entertainer. #euphemism http://bit.ly/9l5CVX #
• #vss They broke up amicably and remain close friends. Her girlfriends, blinkeredly supportive as ever, started a hate campaign against him. #
• #vss Shari wanted her picture seen everywhere! So she ran away with Ed in his pickup truck. Sure enough, her face is on every milk carton. #
• #vss "Now lift the fairy-charm from my queen's eyes." "Prithee, my lord?" "Good Robin?" "There was none; for I confess, I forgot to lay it." #
• #vss "Out of disinterest, why?" I asked. She said "Don't you mean out of interest?" "Not really. I just know you want me to ask." #
• #vss Plump as a pudding and twice as stodgy, the old cat peered over her glasses. "And what experience have you in the mousing business?" #
• #vss "This Earthling is ancient predator evolved into parasite." Mnemplulx tapped its monitor. "We know not what jingly bell collar is for." #
• RT @metaltax: "Hey Sam, play that one that goes 'ner-ner-ner-n-n-n-neeeeer-ner-ner-ner'" #famousmovielines // SO. TRUE. #
• RT @gridinoc: Norwegian Ninja! http://bit.ly/cgxkVz // Relevant To My Interests. #ninjas #norway #
• Um, it's normal to read I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream and only feel sympathy for AM, right? #didIjustfailmyturingtest #
• Quarks are made of CAKE! #fact http://youtu.be/Dv22e62S4-0 by @periodicvideos #quarks #particlephysics #cake #
• I've just realised the iPad makes my Archos 7 look rubbish. I'm very pleased! I like my Archos a lot and now nobody will want to nick it. #
• playing Ker-Plunk with carrot sticks and mini vegetarian scotch eggs. #
• I often forget proper nouns. It amazes me that I can put "game straws marbles" into Google and get back Wikipedia:Ker-Plunk as top result. #
• Asking a smartarse question on Yammer. It might be frowned on, but I'm more worried that the thing I'm joking about is actually TRUE. #
• Er, oops. Guilty as charged. Haha. http://bit.ly/cWTxPz #workhabits #lunchbreak #
• #vss The cat wrote novels. Well, started novels. He called them "exposés of his cruel, mistreated, awful life". He never got past Chapter 3. #
• I sort of want to giggle in the manner of Albert Ashford in Code Veronica. Is this wrong? Would my workmates' discomfitude be worth it? #
• Evening entertainment programmes! If even I notice your presenter's fake tan problem, that makes it a serious, SERIOUS problem. #
• #OurFriendshipEndedWhen you got hooked on an MMORPG and didn't contact me. For a year. During which I thought you could be dead. Nice, dude. #
• #vss He decided to title his autobiography THE CRUEL CRUELTY: Numerous Afflicts and Torments inflicted upon a Most Noble and Virtuous Cat. #
• is the king of infinite space. #
• #vss He sent his autobiography to the RSPCA and awaited rescue. Their reply: "You are the most spoilt cat we've ever heard of." He sulked. #
• My dear doddering dad just acquired a kitten that is THE SPITTING IMAGE OF SNIPER KITTY. (For all I know, "spitting" is literally accurate.) #
• Hey @dansumption & other snappers: RT @marksimpkins @frontlineblog @turimunthe How to get your pictures in the Guardian http://bit.ly/9wJou5 #
• "The goalie will surely be haunted by this mistake for years…" Stop writing history and REPORT THE NEWS, arsehats. #wc2010 #worldcup #bbc #
• #vss After the Institute engineered sapient dogs, a pre-adolescent pup founded her own micronation, the Kingdom of Fluffypaws, in the quad. #
• "Is graduation a time to woo-hoo or a time to boo-hoo?" http://bit.ly/bI3dyi Let nobody say the #BBC is dumbing down. *facepalm* #
• "The public wants a say in how synthetic life research is conducted". Well, I don't want them to have one. http://bit.ly/93xeF4 #biology #
• Embarrassment faced by hirsute women http://bit.ly/aotENV If I was that distressed I'd save up for laser treatment. Shaving'd make it worse. #
• Taking an actual lunch break. May even be an actual hour. Possibly @eighthdayveg. Brother working nearby = healthy impact on working habits! #
• Now we're Liberal Lefty Vegan Pup-Kissin' Evidence-Huggin' Commie Atheist Student Meeja Scum. But @eighthdayveg's spinach pie was delicious! #
• Quagmire hates Brian: http://youtu.be/Ccvyi3-bqKY Cracks me up because it's true, and most (not the crap in the yard part) applicable to me! #
• #vss "Doggone," burbled little Stevie Joe. "Mind your mouth," said Ma, failing to notice the old coonhound vanishing in an unearthly light. #
• RT @fantasticlife: just a thought: don't take pages off the web unless you *really* have to. pls // This. And use redirects! No excuse! #
• RT @paulmsmith: I endorse @ciaran_withs for #Design #Photoshop #illustrator – http://bit.ly/cjtPe7 // Seconded. Boy's a genius. #jealousy :D #
• RT @ravenbait: Konami code also works at marvel.com! // BRILLIANTLY. <3 #
• I was sadly about to go home, but briefly met a @meeware yesterday. I think that's another for my Nerve/Yammer lifelist. #gottacatchemall #
• Oh my, there is, there really truly is. http://drupal.org/project/konamicode I WILL install this on Pro 2.0. Now you're warned. #
• "I want…" Google users scare me. But I'm happy that techie avarice wins (I Want One Of Those is a gadget shop). http://twitpic.com/1wy5pg #
• (N.B. By definition, the following contains depictions of Muhammad) // RT @JandMo New comic: view http://www.jesusandmo.net/2010/06/15/view/ #
• Getting in the Green Day mood. I hope there are no antics like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFGHHqz_CNA but Kat and Slen disagree! #
• fsdffdsfsdfsdfds missed the Stepping Stones deadline AGAIN. I wasn't anywhere near ready with my application, though. Need training courses. #
• I love the Platitude of the Day commenters (and the blog itself, naturally. Harry Potter reference for the epic win)… http://bit.ly/a6BMi4 #
• And, Reith Lectures available as podcasts? GET IN. http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/reith/ #
• (Oh, and WTF is a "promoted" trending topic? I'm glad I access Twitter through a client 99% of the time.) #
• "What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," a [German] police spokesman said. <3 http://bit.ly/93iXlH #
• Delhi family: "…justice. If they wanted to kill their daughter, that's okay. But they shouldn't have killed our boy." http://bit.ly/axny01 #
• Today I, Captain Ableist, told a guy in a wheelchair that his legs looked fine to me, then told an epileptic girl she didn't look epileptic. #
• #vss They think the ceramic man is aloof, even misanthropic. But how hard it is to relate to reality through such clouded, feeble senses! #
• #HarryPotter theme park opens… in Florida. http://bit.ly/9PuCv8 (Shall we visit and hold a ceremonial reading of My Immortal? #enoby #
• Jews wouldn't use the word "fascist" lightly, right? Apparently not true for these segregationist haredim: http://bit.ly/9HBHX9 Racists. #
• has just bought my brother's christmas present. http://shop.wearenation.co.uk/product/the-like-stamp #
• #vss I found her slumped in the back room, cheap liquor untouched, just staring at the wall. "We fought the power, kid, and the power won." #
• #vss We had to force its jaws open – rigor mortis this fast, or was it some kind of death spasm? Reynolds was alive in there and yelling. #
• #vss Aged 18, Ethan Punishment enlisted as a private in the 22nd Rifle Corps. He dreaded making corporal. #
• #vss His drill sergeant used to praise him with "Capital!" Eyes front, Private Punishment pretended he'd never heard the lame joke before. #
• #vss Since the military bought ResiTekk, regimental mascots have gotten interesting. Our Compsognathus is great for morale, but the poop–! #
• I should follow Pratchett fandom more closely… There's a Going Postal DVD and ANOTHER Tiffany book coming? (Please, Granny, kill the Sue!) #
• My brother points this out. Compare: exhibit 1 http://amzn.to/99SGpw exhibit 2 http://amzn.to/cdWYPi #terrypratchett #harrypotter #
• Wait, so… don't other people's random off-top-of-head examples always include dalmatians? Cuz I'll be so sad I think I'll punch a hydrant. #
• All office employees should get therapy dogs. http://bit.ly/bMexSz I requested therapy animals for @mediacityuk but Peel ignored me. >:( #
• #vss They said the autistic boy made meaningless hand-flaps. Not meaningless to him. That one there is the gesture for Mute External Inputs. #
• #vss In the scorching Mediterranean summer she set up a pole and sat on top. When people came near, she threw olive stones. She was not mad. #
• Ah! At last, a programme that attempts to speak to my demographic! http://bit.ly/aUFSsS #mongrels #bbcthree #dogs #immaturity #profanity #
• Fuck the prick-teasing guys who won't answer a simple question, and when I tell them how they hurt my feelings, call it a guilt trip. #emo #
• Fuck feelings at all. I recall life was more stable before I developed them. I'm now going to watch Doctor Who in my pants, SO THERE. #bawww #
• He's not sexy. At all. Not fabulous, devastatingly delicious, not even tempting. At least not to me. Too bad SHE doesn't agree. #vss @bswolf #
• #vss He's always chomping on a cigar. I know it's an affectation: his kind pukes their guts up whenever they inhale a bit of smoke. The ass. #
• #vss She teased him with the feather until he made a lucky grab, confiscated it and then turned her weapon against her. Sheets tangled. @Ree #
• That was COOL. #doctorwho #finallycaughtup Well deserved! I hope they lock the blasted thing and pee on it! #
• #vss Saliva Peterson ground his rifle butt hard into the youth's cheek. "You really want that to be the last question you ever ask, boy?" #
• lmfao. "Ur holding it wrong. Now buy this brand new accessory!" #iphone #ripoffmerchants #appletards http://bit.ly/bUaEcr #
• #vss His final wish was a stroke of cruel genius. "Whenever someone misuses the word 'literally', I want whatever they said to come true." #
• Another positive use for your vuvuzela: http://bit.ly/c68GXf Keep the suggestions coming! #
• That was brilliant, really brilliant. I didn't even mind that they did the whole "destruction of the universe" chestnut. <3 #doctorwho #dw #
• My bro tried to get me into WoW. My "anger thing" is improving! I calmly explained I don't want an addictive money-sink. Not even any blood! #
• If I were buying a male chocolate Labrador, and I HAD to name it after chocolate, 'Thornton' is a respectable, masculine name. Just saying. #
• Penning a complaint to BBC. Yesterday's breakfast news had an item about losing to Germany. Music used was "The Great Escape" theme. NOT OK. #
• Charlie Brooker rips into white supremacists, managing to be both cutting and hilarious as usual: http://bit.ly/aryanmorons #
• #vss A new constellation bloomed across his face each day… however well he washed. Damn puberty. #
• #vss "An even keel? Like a flat-bottomed boat? You want me on medication so I'm a TOURIST–" She paused. "I'm doing it again, aren't I Doc?" #
• #vss He was disturbed to find he was starting to have fantasies that didn't involve murder. #
• Anyone up for emigrating? http://bit.ly/c5B14Q #finland (yes, I know, only 1MBps) #
• Wikipedia: "William Dick in 1833 paid for the erection of… the Dick Veterinary College" renamed Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Studies. #
• #vss "Stop it. Puns are the lowest form of wit." "What, lower than fart jokes?" "Uh, maybe." "I had lots to tell, but you just wrecked 'em." #
• My interests are conflicted. Should I go to the Conflict of Interest workshop or the Impartiality one? I don't have a preference. #
• #vss The star exploded with abrupt slowness, casting radiation into the black. Sae yawned. Humans, thought T0K-4, can get bored of ANYthing! #
• Note to self. When your friends use a slang term you don't know, it's not NECESSARILY the name of a depraved sexual practice. (but might be) #
• #vss "Why's that succubus so obsessed with you?" Suitov wasn't sure how to answer that. Any guess would sound horrifically self-centred. #
• #vss "I mean, you've never slept with it, right? …Have you?" said the monk, worried. "Of course not – and she's a she," Suitov snapped. #
• #vss Her paper described a cure for malignant tumours based on the 2nd law of thermodynamics: "The Entropic of Cancer". #punliners @Anke #
• "Meh, pretty lights isn't shallow! Other physical attributes is shallow, but pretty lights, that's high priority!" –my brother #
• Pwning #Stabcon Descent and BSG again today. I do enjoy a co-op where the odds are stacked against the good guys! *waves to @chooi * #
• #Stabcon was great. I got a play of all my favourites and tried a few new ones. Bought a Werewolves set, some card prot and two d6s. #
• Tarantel Tango is weird. A card game that requires you to woof, hee-haw and squawk while playing, with an element of Snap. #cardgames #
• RT @TheSakeDiary: There's a line in Back To The Future where Doc Brown sets the DeLorean for "25 years in the future". That's today! #
• A third of children feel scared by adults drinking too much. http://bit.ly/c5ILKN I guess I'm 33% child at heart, because so do I! #alcohol #
• BBC Asian Network and Blast to close. #6Music safe for the moment. http://bit.ly/bQlgow This is not really a win for young people. #
• #vss "Can I just say-" "No, you cannot just say." "I beg your-" "I've heard you ramble before. You're incapable of 'just saying' anything." #
• Me: "Oh come on. If you met Wil Wheaton, you totally would." Brother: "Does that make me a Wesbian?" #geek #otp #rps #punliners #
• Oh gods. Suitov discovered http://bookshelfporn.com/ via @Foomandoonian and now I'll never ever get his attention back. ;) #
• Apostrophes are apparently a dark art for some BBC News employees… d'oh! http://twitpic.com/22vub5 #
• #vss "After this, we'll be the baby's legal parents!" "Cool, so, it's kind of like we're early adopters." "No, that's literally what it is." #
• Although he was a dog, Sandy got into Green Day when we all did. When they played our hometown he jumped on the band waggin. #punliners #vss #
• Brother: "I wanted to leave at 20 past, but it's 20 past now." Me: "No, it's now o'clock. 20-past-now will be in 20 mins, at now o'clock." #
• #vss "If we pump her blood full of sedative and send her out alone?" "I've tried. They can tell. Something about the smell keeps them away." #
• Cracked: 6 Bullshit Facts about Psychology that Everyone Believes http://bit.ly/4vI7sA So much truth. #
• Dear officialdom, I truly appreciate you reminding me to take leave – you know I'd forget to – but I don't need "a break": I need some WORK! #
• #vss "Didn't you suspect what he wanted when he told you to sit on his lap?" "No. He said I remind him of his kitty." "Girl, you need help." #
• #ebzfavourites @EchoBazaar Oh yes, I do love the dream sequence with the unrelenting references to the North. @emilyorr #
• Good riddance! *happy dance* http://bit.ly/dpJtiL via @thoroughlygood #
• I NEVER understood parallax, our teacher explained it so poorly, but this @periodicvideos vid is illuminating. http://youtu.be/bJv55ebJbhs #
• #ebz In simpler times, Hell would take a soul on the death of the body. Death is more complicated… http://fallenlondon.com/c/145094 #
• Joel Edwards on #TFTD claiming St Paul was a radical feminist and all about equality. I loathe liars like that. And he talked unchallenged. #
• Oppose Murdoch taking monopoly of the media; sign the petition: http://www.38degrees.org.uk/murdoch #
• Am peckish. Unaccountably so. Delicious comestibles must be acquired and consumed. Perhaps it will quieten the scratchings of these secrets- #
• #vss "I don't blame you for fancying the rugby captain. He's scrummy." #punliners #
• #vss He flashed his butt; the crowd jeered. Quickly, he called on the cow orchestra. A herd in the band is worth booing the tush. #punliners #
• RT @qikipedia: Gannets have no nostrils // This explains a lot. A LOT. #
• #vss There he was, with that blonde bitch! She'd catch him at it – but he disarmed her by eagerly waving her over. "Ruth! Saved you a seat!" #
• #vss "It was a fuss over nothing." "Nothing? You SMILED at the ambassador!" "So?" "As if you were equals! And then you smiled at the COOK!" #
• #vss "Your point?" "My point is you can't go smiling at everyone like some kind of… of smile slut!" "Smile slut?" "…well, or something." #
• #vss "I don't see that it matters. I'm already an 'alien', which makes me the lowest form of life." "No. Trust me, you can always go lower." #
• #vss "Should I stick to shaking hands?" "Oh grace, no! You'll use the wrong hand on purpose and that's worse!" "Weft, you're a spoilsport." #
• #vss "It's my job to stop you dying, which as far as I'm concerned includes social suicide." "Then I'm sorry. This won't be easy for you." #
• Trying to tweet a sequential #vss but with each part reasonably self-contained… did it work, do you think? #goshdialogueisfun #
• (System, Slipknot and DragonForce, because yeah, totally the same thing. Ask a Children of Bodom fan if they enjoy Rhapsody of Fire. FIGHT!) #
• If you think all metal is miserable and screamy, try http://youtu.be/xzir1B43I3E (happy power) and http://youtu.be/2XAPosjkbfQ (pretty prog) #
• Piper in the garden today. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24gyym #
• Piper in the garden today. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24h1ur #
• Piper is ill. In the care of the vet, awaiting further news. http://twitpic.com/24gyym #
• A group of jetty inspectors descended upon Blackpool beach, subjecting it to an exhaustive pier review process. #vss #punliners #
• RT @chrisgrice: This is an excellent piece on north/south divide: http://bit.ly/9WuXq5 // or boring self-indulgent me-me-me crap if you like #
• Piper has returned from the vet, with a shaved patch on his foreleg and a harrowing tale to tell. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24pyum #
• Piper has returned from the vet, with a shaved patch on his foreleg and a harrowing tale to tell. #cat #kitty http://twitpic.com/24pz1w #
• The #TFTD script I received this morning contains the phrase "Forgive us our trespassers". I'll just correct that before putting it up. #
• I dreamed I was dangling by its stem a cherry that I'd dipped in chocolate. I can't remember whom I was about to feed it to. Any volunteers? #
• Cat update: Piper hanging in there despite serious kidney & liver infection. If he can recover, he intends to. http://www.twitpic.com/24h1ur #
• Come to think of it, Captain Sisko's catchphrase is obviously "thong-tho-tho-tho-thong", and Kirk's is "KHAAAAN", but does Janeway have one? #
• "Shut up Neelix"/"Troi"/"Dukat" don't count, as these are only repeated by their respective captains in my fond imagination. #
• RT @Huffam_esq: Herding Secrets http://bit.ly/boaGAi // If you worldbuild, join in the conversation! I already babbled at length. #
• RT @suzicatherine & @Foomandoonian: Very neat idea – forest in a box http://post.ly/mz8i /via @t1mmyb // Can we have one at @MediaCityUK? #
• Cat much worse this evening. Very worried. We took him in for painkiller and rehydration. Home & relaxing now. We'll do everything possible. #
• My first reaction to the BBC News redesign. Yes, users can scroll, but I'm sad that so much less fits on a screen. http://twitpic.com/254pj1 #
• RT @songschris: Loving the new BBC news urls // Hey, that really is good! #
• I'm succeeding at a lot of Will saves, but my body is an evil DM and keeps making me reroll every half hour or so. :S #
• "Now I think about it, Neal Asher's [sci fi] works are like Top Gear for slightly-less-douchebaggy grownups." –Herm earlier today #
• So ladies. Why do all fant dudes have shaved chests? http://bit.ly/a0H81N Was I weird to give Suitov http://bit.ly/90KtCU actual chest hair? #
• To make up for the toplessness and profanity in the last two tweets, I'll have to write a particularly saccharine #vss Incoming. #
• #vss He always said he'd come back for her. She didn't expect him to freeze her for centuries then return as a cyborg, but he kept his word. #
• So, dudes saying girls' talk of emotions & interpersonal issues is "blah blah": is that like the semi-numerate saying calculus is bollocks? #
• I say that as an emotionally-illiterate bastard hoping to stir up some flames, or even sensible discussion. :) #
• Quiz show run-through. Those are always tons of fun. After impressive competition I ended up doing the Walk of Shame… solo! #fail #
• No change to the kitty's condition. I'm currently trying, with limited success, to get some work done. #
• BBC News urls have changed again, now in the form "http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us+canada-10641970". I like this less. #
• I think perkily saying "Hey, was that Rammstein I just heard?" may have been a social faux pas. "I meant, er, Lady Gaga?" Smooth recovery. #
• I'd like to reiterate my call for therapy pets in the workplace to be a right, not a (rare) privilege. #pat #morale #cuddles #
• I never knew @vesperae thought I was so humorously snarky. http://bit.ly/ct1aDL #cute #evil #
• #vss "Tsigria, I hath realised I love thou!" "Oh Gron…" Lord Darkness coughed loudly. "Please save the epiphanies until after I kill you." #
• Came home to an empty house with a note saying they've gone for a 2nd opinion. Ashamed cos kinda relieved not to have to see him so ill :/ #
• I'm glad I didn't go into work. Couldn't face it. And I would have missed him purry and chatty. How I want to remember him. #
• SCAM WARNING. Phone call "from Windows" said our computer has malware. Wanted us to follow instructions. Rang off when questioned. Pls RT. #
• Astounding. Three of us just played #Pandemic two of us beginners, and won. :D #boardgames (The German player wanted to sacrifice Essen) :D #
• Also, the cat is still alive. Eating more and more and looking well. The prognosis is unchanged, but at least he'll enjoy his last days. #
• Mere hours after we save the world in #Pandemic scientists in Atlanta make a breakthrough: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10661117 #
• RT @bbctech: Hackers relax with a spot of lock-picking http://bit.ly/bCzmDM // Good old hardware hacking; I wish I had the guts for it! :D #
• Taking a friend to the airport, I saw a passenger in camo fatigues. No idea if they were real army gear but I wondered if she's off to Iraq. #
• So what's this #stupidscientology tag all about then? (I know a great deal about $cientology, but what specifically's happened this time?) #
• Ah, it's Evan Harris's doing. British skeptics ftw. <3 #
• #Scientology Sea Org pressures pregnant women employees to have abortions so they can work harder. http://bit.ly/9vMu8G #stupidscientology #
• Did you know that UK #Scientology is based in Australia at a fake address to dodge taxes? http://youtu.be/vHpFxwxhAM0 #stupidscientology #
• My last two tweets are both via @oper_clambake – please RT them. http://bit.ly/9gvs0e http://bit.ly/aGSuCR #stupidscientology #
• Currently music: Living Colour's hit featured in Guitar Hero III, Cult of Scientol… wait… #stupidscientology http://youtu.be/bd9DiGj6vBg #
• Who joins cults? #Cult victims are NOT all stupid. They ARE all vulnerable. This is worth a read: http://bit.ly/bvxMSE #stupidscientology #
• I've just found a much better religion. Am burning my copy of Dianetics and joining up today! http://youtu.be/CoVXf91fx68 #stupidscientology #
• #ebz The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Why does it look at us like that? http://fallenlondon.com/c/163537 #
• I think the interwebs is in my brain. I read one of the opening phrases here http://bit.ly/92aocA as "regular flow of tourists and lolcats". #
• It's like a miniature spatial mechanics puzzle every day, trying to fit my stuff in the staff fridge. I call it the FRIGSAW. #
• "Scientology is evil" -Justice Anderson "It is corrupt sinister and dangerous" -Justice Latey; more: http://bit.ly/bxIjJ9 #stupidscientology #
• Be kind! If you had Tom Cruise's problems, you might be Tom Cruise crazy too. Love this song: http://youtu.be/Z4PNpFjKVfY #stupidscientology #
• #vss Just one. One more espresso and he'd reach a state in which his hands could write quickly enough to keep up with his mind. Or he'd die. #
• #vss A potential cult leader, but his self-worship warred with his misanthropy. He remained a religion of one and preferred it that way. #
• #vss "You're an angel," she said. "I can see your halo of light." He smiled at this, for it meant the poison was working as they'd told him. #
• "FREE REIN" is a horsey phrase, similar to the more archaic "give someone their head". Spell it as in REINS, not TO REIGN. #bugbears #psa #
• I like how succinctly comment 17:43 puts it http://bit.ly/asIPbH but favour Kingsley's approach http://bit.ly/8ZMxGo @jourdemayne #niqab #fr #
• I now have Metallica singing "master of pedants, I'm picking your nits" in my head thanks to ze lovely @Anke. Argh. x) #
• Gays&lesbians on TV: http://bit.ly/ciYnG9 Syed story in EastEnders sucked. I'd rather see characters say "You're gay? We guessed. So what?" #
• But what I'd really like to see is something that doesn't equate "transgender" with "male-to-female transgender". Vain hope, I know. #
• And FFS I wish they'd sack all the 'entertainers' whose one gimmick is being camp. Go away Alan Carr. You're overcompensating for something. #
• Halal makeup! http://bit.ly/9QXEwV I kinda see this as cashing in on Muslims actually. :-/ But ethically made products in general are good. #
• A woman had consensual sex with a man, but then said he'd lied about his race and accused him of rape. http://bit.ly/adACUR Nasty. Horrible. #
• If you enjoy the beliefs of #stupidscientology you may enjoy "A Dog Called Demolition" by Robert Rankin. Invisible aliens on our shoulders! #
• #vss The Mint printed paper souls and distributed them. Some ate them dry and were blessed. Some added ketchup and were revered as prophets. #
• #vss Dearest Jaina, A colony of vampires demanded your whereabouts amidst threats of death. Please find enclosed approx 60kg ash. Suitov xx #
• Our kitty is still – impossibly – alive. When I think of how I felt last Friday, too sad and distressed to do anything, I feel… cheated? #
• N.B. His owner being up every night hand-feeding him to coax him to eat has a lot to do with the 'miraculous' prolongment of life. #
• For the record, I am God and I hate Fred Phelps. (And Jedi, and kittens.) http://bit.ly/c34Zxu Oh and I love fags, furries, anons and geeks. #
• #vss One of Lord Suitov's tenants wrote in to an agricultural journal with a correction. The writer bemoaned "pedantry among the peasantry". #
• #vss Weft had known arrogant prats who liked to "give the other chap a sporting chance". Suitov wasn't one. If he wanted you dead, you died. #
• #vss Suitov said ending a life wasn't a game; "anything less than a quick, clean kill degrades the dignity of all concerned." Weft shrugged. #
• #vss "We're always taught that toying with our victims is a sin," he said. Suitov showed interest. "For what reason?" "It just is, I think." #
• #vss "How like a dirty KITTY to have to be told not to play with 'is food," sneered the dog from across the room. "I'm not a-!" yowled Weft. #
• Well, there's a thing. I never thought I could find a leering gargoyle unsexy until I saw a picture of Andrew Lloyd Webber. #
• Anyone trying to access Wikileaks, try using Coral Cache (coralcdn.org) to speed things up. #stupidscientology #wikileaks #
• Fiction post: Suitov's only weakness, apart from all the others! http://bit.ly/9Lzkt8 #writing (not #vss but not all *that* long) #
• http://bit.ly/chzPKA …… SCREW YOU I AM HAPPY WITH MYSELF 'MKAY #
• The bar is selling "roast ox" crisps. In this age when children don't know where eggs come from, do people know what an "ox" actually is? #
• An ox is a boy cow who has had the snip. You're eating a castrato moo. They're used as draft animals because it's safer than an entire bull. #
• #vss Poets of more than one gender had serenaded Suitov. He was gracious, but whenever "stormy grey eyes" came up he inwardly rolled them. #
• I favour E-Type over Basshunter, but Angel in the Night is delightful. So disgustingly happy! http://youtu.be/h0vIGAU3YBA #
• RT @Anke @EchoBazaar …please make the "Abandon this" option on Ventures the last in the list? // Good idea. Logical next to "Perhaps not". #
• BBC proofreading fail. :D "Motley Crew"? http://bit.ly/cycLoL (hint: they mean http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%B6tley_Cr%C3%BCe ) #metal #
• I was the only person on this web writing training course who knows what a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever is. #lameclaimtofame #dogs #
• RT @sherlocking, @trixafaerie http://bit.ly/bvfHfU #Sherlock #PrincessBride // Glad I wasn't the only one thinking "immunity to iocaine!" #
• I need to dig out Momentary Lapse. A chance mention on Rock Radio has got me all gaga for Learning to Fly again. Where's that CD? #pinkfloyd #
• Pink Floyd – Learning to Fly http://youtu.be/YwkFS3WjXSw #pinkfloyd #aerophile #slipthesurlybondsofearth Listen and be pwned. #
• Man, I never thought we'd get these #commissioning pages up. Now I can go home!! #
• Could that girlfriend have BEEN any more pathetic? Mary Morstan was far more impressive. Thumbs down for feminism, #sherlock #
• The #sherlock view of the Chinese was everything that makes me cringe. What century's this? Expected better after a godlike opening episode. #
• RT @jamiesont: Ep 3 of #Sherlock has Holmes and Watson investigating the perplexing mystery of what the fuck happened with episode 2. #
• http://bit.ly/aLeAJ8 developer has never heard of {text-transform: lowercase} and customer has never heard of SENSE #
• One great #Sherlock moment was when he smiled at the girl, she looked away and his face instantly reset. I've learned not to do that! #aspie #
• Here Come the Controls for the Heart of the Sun #floydbeatles #
• Currently idly pondering how one might update The Hound of the Baskervilles for a modern #sherlock Perhaps not with a literal dog. Tricksy. #
• RT @R4isStatic: Today's BBC football news. http://twitpic.com/2axca8 // In which case I take it back; #sherlock was bang with the times. :( #
• Hollyoaks doing a FtM #transgender plot. Yes, transboys exist too! http://bit.ly/bRFP7Y #gender Hopes not high but at least it's being done. #
• RT @lokicuki: @suitov this weekend you are getting laid #fortunecookie // *SCREAMS* #
• #vss Suitov's future plans were… thorough. "That can wait til I'm no longer young and angry." You can have too much perspective, Weft mused. #
• Mass find-and-replace to fix some broken characters. I always feel a little siren should go off and flash a red LED when I use this feature. #
• Going overkill on the 'helpful'(?) information again. lol me. #
• I scored 34 on the BBC #Mastermind quiz thanks to my frabjous knowledge of Religion. Can you do better? http://www.bbc.co.uk/mastermind/quiz #
• We can't get the lumps out of our cat, no matter how we civet. #punliners #definethis #
• New Statesman article bashing #Sherlock makes a good point. http://bit.ly/dC3lLd We need more people writing sensible, funny female leads. #
• #vss People on his world used horses and sailboats. Steam was years away. Yet someone had shown Suitov a laser and he wasn't giving it back. #
• This Painting appears altered! 'Tis betrayed by certain of the Brushstrokes and my acquaintance with copious Forgeries. #18thcenturyinternet #
• #vss The dog, albeit foul-minded, was harmless enough. Still, ancient instincts in Weft's hindbrain urged him to flee. Possibly up a tree. #
• #18thcenturyinternet The Thrilling Adventures of the Countess of Lovelace and Mr Charles Babbage: http://2dgoggles.com/ (actually 19thC) #
• Normally I'd stay 30-60 minutes late at work, but today I… wait. Wait wait. Why am I even trying to justify leaving on time. #hermygohome #
• Our cat, Piper, died today. Here he is. He was a spoiled boy and will be much missed. http://twitpic.com/2bkmy6 #
• I've cause to break out my #Sherlock Holmes anthology. It has the original Sidney Paget illustrations from the Strand Magazine. Delightful. #
• Gay marriage ban overturned in CA, USA http://bit.ly/aSunhe Yay! #gaymarriage #doglikesfags #
• RT @si_lumb: Today I controlled a computer using only my mind. It was hard, surprising and AWESOME http://twitpic.com/2buca2 // DO WANT #
• Awwwwwwwwww! http://bit.ly/bIJbRR #cute #
• RT @thoroughlygood: Night night everyone: http://gu.com/p/2tznn/iw // AURORA LUST #
• Wonderful article about the meaning of "fairness" in UK and USA. http://bit.ly/9ikgqr Hits the nail on the head, I think. #
• Why hellllllllooooooo sailor. Now these are navy recruits I wouldn't mind picking up on shore leave. http://bit.ly/cwWt20 #puppies #cute #
• via @brendandawes @steverg: Happiest DJ ever http://youtu.be/QiCOmqvWUaw So this is kind of what I look like at my desk. Is this worrying? #
• For #TMIFriday "Magic" on Shade stems from mutated mitochondria that synth ATP into Adenosine Handwaveate.&Magic thus maternally heritable. #
• Whaddaya mean talking about our worldbuilding isn't the point of #TMIFriday I haven't even started on the red pandas who run Montuone… ;) #
• That "writing descriptions for clips" course was SO USEFUL. I'm using the info even while constructing paragraphs, titles etc for new pages. #
• RT @Anke: @SarahSiddons fridayflash, "Journey" [...] http://bit.ly/aAWAYK // delightful #
• If you hafta work late, & your counterpart in London has to too, least you can do is reduce him to giggles with talk of robot clones, I say. #
• #vss What others saw as his increasing mood swings or volatility, I knew to be the first sputtering gasps of a broken spirit healing itself. #
• We went to see some Bengali-cross kittens today, but they were nothing to fall in love with. My evil plan to get another pet continues, tho. #
• If something makes you hungry or keen, it WHETS (sharpens) your appetite. It doesn't wet (dampen) it. Keen means "sharp" too! #psa #bugbears #
• By the way, if I seem unusually taciturn, it's because I'm mostly avoiding Twitter et al for fear of the dreaded #spoilers #sherlock #
• BASTARD. BASTARDS! BEST THING EVER! #sherlock BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS I WILL CRUNCH THEIR BONES WHOLE DAMN THEM. aaand I'm spent. #
• So yeah, that was good. Gooood. #sherlock #
• Now I'm going to have the #Dexter theme tune in my head for WEEKS. #sherlock #
• #sherlock http://bit.ly/9NjqHQ #
• Why doesn't USA have $1 coins? Turns out these DO exist, in quantity, but consumers are too lazy to change over. Weird: http://bit.ly/czunxp #
• #vss "Stand closer and smile at him," said the portrait artist, "or nobody will be able to tell you're lovers." "We're WHAT?" he shrieked. #
• I'm not sure why all the Moriarty hate from #Sherlock viewers. I quite liked him. He's how Graham Norton should be. #
• I feared 'Moriarty' would turn out to be Irene Adler. (Adler is my favourite woman ever, but I can't bear to see her done badly). #sherlock #
• I've seen at least one person call Benedict Cumberbatch "Dominic". That happens to the other Benedict I know. Yet nobody says "Benjamin"… #
• I mean, Dominic is etymologically to do with 'Lord', and a Benedict-ion is a blessing, so kind of a Latinate connection, but still strange. #
• So #Sherlock fans, how wd you adapt The Hound? My version (thought too much about this!) involves hoodies with staffiemastiff. Modern fears. #
• #vss "The casual sex is nice, Marie," Simone said, "but getting a rabbit is a pretty big commitment, wouldn't you say?" #
• #vss "It isn't anaemia," he said – and I could hear in his voice the hundreds of times he must've had to explain it. "I was born this pale." #
• #vss She called Maybelle from his parents' house in floods of tears. "I'm sure it wasn't as bad as y–" "He introduced me as his assistant!" #
• #vss "Anthea, got the 7C spanner?" Anthea passed it to her. A pity she didn't spot the stain, or they might have been able to save the moon. #
• Still smirking a little at people talking about #Sherlock #039;s "cliffhanger" without connecting it to the literal cliffhanger in Final Problem. #
• ROLL UP! @steven_moffat and @Markgatiss tease the #Sherlock fangirls! http://bit.ly/cHkAWy FEATURING! Moffat as Bad Cop! Gatiss as Good Cop! #
• Any twitchers among my followers? #Birdwatching news and a pretty shrike: http://bit.ly/9j9vOa #
• A bake sale in support of #Pakistan .. on the first day of #Ramadan I'd better, er, give it extra support to make up for their #timingfail #
• If you doubt the supreme doability of Jeremy Brett, I give you Young Brett & Mr Binks: http://bit.ly/bg7lTM Squee away. #sherlock #teambrett #
• If you doubt Jeremy Brett's supreme doability, I give you Young Brett & Mr Binks: http://flic.kr/p/6Biht9 Squee away. #sherlock #teambrett #
• "A Study in Red", Daily Mail? Really? http://bit.ly/9kmPhw (via @feetintheriver) #sherlock http://twitpic.com/2dp37n #
• #vss "I've been bad," she said. He said "Should I make you feel better or worse?" "Make me feel nothing." After a dreamless sleep, she woke. #
• Alphonse Mucha (art nouveau) news for @Anke: http://bit.ly/byagGg #
• RT @chagandbm: This week's Picture of the Week is a #Sherlock special! http://bit.ly/b6hAYi // Cute Reichenbach Falls painting by JMW Turner #
• Let's help the Grauniad with these spellings. http://bit.ly/djsiyC Firstly, SEPARATE contains "a rat". Squeak squeak! #PSA #bugbears #
• If you can spell INFINITE, you can definitely spell DEFINITE. Your difficulty is finite. #PSA #bugbears (misspellings: http://bit.ly/djsiyC) #
• A tricky oeuvre of words, French in origin: MANOEUVRE, hors d'OEUVRE. Compare oeuf (egg), boeuf (beef) #PSA #bugbears (http://bit.ly/djsiyC) #
• As a child I resorted to initialisms to remember NECESSITY. "No-one Easily Conquers Everest," Said Sherpa. "It Takes Years." #PSA #bugbears #
• I'll stop with the spellings now, honestly. It's not my fault. I'm a half-teacher. *sobs* #
• RT @CustardCat: Rainy computers in Manchester. http://yfrog.com/20ryvj // love the hoopy geeks saying "OMGz water?!!?!?! Quick, towel!!" #
• Holidaymakers! Check you have your passport before setting off. The best time for this is two hours before your ferry is due to leave. #lol #
• #vss "You can't kill gods. They're gods." "Has anyone tried?" asked Suitov, who was probably just being deliberately contrary. Probably. #
• My mates' mates seem to post nasty racist/sexist crap on FB (one reason I haven't joined). Is that normal for FB? Are they just foul people? #
• Thx for answers: @FionaSarah @Altivo & @cmrsalmon who confirm FB is full of scum, and @Anke & @HelenRBrennan who only friend non-foul people #
• I think I will still not be joining Facebook. :) #
• Hahahahaha. That was quality. Just seen @Custardcat catch a young wren (or something, idk, wildlife 'n' shit) and release it outside. #
• I looked it up! The bird we were clumping after like a pair of troglodytes was… a member of Troglodytes troglodytes. http://bit.ly/bO3x66 #
• The bird has been the ONLY thing that has happened today. I can plainly see why Moriarty took up being a larger-than-life crime lord. BORED. #
• Aww, a gigantic housefly just landed on my sleeve and perked its little head up at me. Sweet! <3 ….Now bored. #
• The Starveling Moggy! The Starveling Moggy! …My lead's gone slack; where the h–ll is my doggy? #ebz #
• My brother says he asks me before Dad when it comes to looking things up on t'internet because I'm "twice as fast". Damn straight. #googlefu #
• Ooh, is Will It Blend moving up to car crushers? Please? PLEASE? http://twitpic.com/2e9xud via @fraserspeirs @thoroughlygood #ipad #
• So, to London on Monday for a course. It just so happens that I'll arrive early. Oh Baker Street, you wanton minx… well, if you insist… #
• I thought I saw @degsy in Manchester, but wasn't sure enough to say hi. It has been a fun day. #
• Hahaha oh god. #metrostink made me miss two trains, & now I've reached the Big Smoke, the course I was to attend seems to be mythical. #fail #
• And you know the REALLY annoying thing? A busker on the tube was playing Baker Street. Which I didn't get to visit thanks to #metrostink :D #
• Training room located! Course laid in. ZOOM -> #
• I arrived home with almost no further misadventure! Read "Murder, My Dear Watson" on the train there & listened Holmes radioplays on return. #
• Look, miniature cars! #cute And how to have fun writing copy #1 sneak evil #punliners in there. Alea jacta somethin'. http://bbc.in/bEGOEp #
• I'm filtering out the words "Whats yours" (sic) and my timeline is a much happier place. #twifficiency #spam #
• RT @paulmsmith: Don't call them Dragons for nothing: http://airfrnt.at/aTpfgV (via @kevmain) #dragonsden #
• I needn't worry if Sv & Weft are similar to Holmes and Watson because Holmes is clearly the cat and Watson the dog. Also, Watson's sane. #
• Finnish-language eurodance. <3 http://www.last.fm/music/Movetron/_/Cupido #
• Overhauling a webpage that, when print-previewed in IE, thinks it's 700+ pages long. Funtimes. #
• Did the 1990s contribute *anything* of any worth to music? #
• And I say the previous as an unabashed Eurovision watcher. #
• You know what #Sherlock fandom needs? Its own equivalent of the Picard Song. Just sayin'. http://bit.ly/1I3QWm #
• OK, @R4isStatic and @TonyNoland helped, but @Anke has just conclusively saved the 90s. http://twitter.com/Anke/statuses/21496482449 #
• Koran through the Ages: http://bbc.in/d46JtG Nice to see an article on it but you'd think they'd bother using BBC standard spelling, Qur'an. #
• #vss The wizard didn't care. He wanted a dragon steed. He forgot to specify a female, however, and it's the males with the dorsal spines. #
• #vss The bard didn't care. As long as someone was buying, he'd play whatever they wanted. "The king's a fat bastard who – oh, hi officer…" #
• #vss The druid didn't care. They'd trespassed on her grove and must die. Wolves surrounded the soldier as he cradled the baby and the crown. #
• #vss The paladin didn't care. Undead were all alike to him. He unsheathed his blade as the boulder rolled aside from the tomb's entrance. #
• RT @MissBox: Oh. Em. God. Actual tears. http://youtu.be/FZKWs7VA0lU #sherlock #mitchellandwebb #omgwhy // The bee-keeping… :'( Bastards. #
• Bald moo-cow. Two lessons: http://bbc.in/bwtVZQ Non-humans bully different people too, and Somerset journalists need to learn English. ;) #
• #vss He had the occasional flash of inspiration. This was one such. It said: shut up, drink the poison, say nothing about acquired immunity. #
• #vss There was a game among his generals. It was called "how will milord Suitov fake his own death to avoid a portrait sitting THIS week?" #
• #vss Suitov would uncannily guess what you were thinking. Amazing observational powers, they whispered. He didn't admit he was just psychic. #
• Wowsers. So good. SO GOOD. Keith Olbermann on the "Ground Zero mosque" http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/38731398%2338731398 #
• Ohh, she said pay-per-click. I wondered why she was talking about putting paperclips on their website. #
• #vss Feisal's only power was that he'd read fairy tales. To the arrogant sorcerer he cried "Are you afraid to face me, you cowardly snail?" #
• #vss "I meant standing-wave diffraction in a *metaphorical* sense," said Suitov, as if that was meant to clarify anything. #
• RT @mydogminton: … Regardless of opinions on Flash sites, on principle I wouldn't touch something that made the choice for me. // This. #
• The devil went down to Baker Street a-looking for a soul to steal. He was in a bind, he was way behind and willing to make a deal. #sherlock #
• He came upon a bored man sawing on a fiddle, playing it hot, and the devil jumped outta his taxicab saying "Show me what you got!" #sherlock #
• "I bet you didn't know it but I'm a fiddle-player too, and if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you." #sherlock #
• You play a pretty good fiddle boy, but give the devil his due; I bet a fiddle of gold agin your soul cuz I think I'm better'n you. #sherlock #
• The man sneered "My name's #Sherlock and lucky for you, I'm bored," and he rozined up his fiddlestick and played a little chord. #
• The devil opened up his case saying "Let the concert start," but jist then he keeled right over with a bullet in his heart. #sherlock #
• Been described as the #Nerve Monarch who "knows EVERYTHING" by an excitable @isntit. Then gave actual directions. Where's Herm and who am I? #
• And a colleague remarked "you're cheerful", which is when I realised I'd been whistling the Tetris theme. #suspectingIammyowndoppelganger #
• Playing Draw and Fold Over. Next up, feet! http://bit.ly/cYesxz // best webidea EVAR. #
• Uncultured brothers haven't yet seen Sherlock, so this weekend I'm holding a board game night and viewing of ep.1. Anyone local up for BSG? #
• "The international chocolate scale is this: Switzerland > Belgium > UK > Every other country in the world > USA" -Bobski via @SleepTalkinMan #
• Organised work cutlery drawer AGAIN. Hacked box of straws. Let's see how long b4 the grubby slobs destroy THIS one http://twitpic.com/2gi5y1 #
• Right, this is ridiculous. I really need to remember my Steam password or make up a new one. Curse my attachment to numbers and symbols. #
• Wynne just told Alistair where babies come from. DEAD. VERY DEAD FROM LOLS. #dragonage #
• Well, it's 9am, and guess how many brothers have turned up on time? No, go on, guess. #
• Oh, it's only Herm, we'll not bother keeping to arrangements, it's not like Herm is important and hey he won't mind so let's stay in bed. #
• Know what'll happen if I tell them I'm disappointed they've let me down again? I will be accused of "guilt tripping" them. Ah, best friends. #
• The gits! Still haven't managed to show them Sherlock, but at least I've got them hooked on Battlestar. #boardgames #
• Ambassadorr Baskerveell, wiz zis sundaes you arr really spoiling uz. #nom #frustratedcreative #undeservingbrothers http://twitpic.com/2h5yzy #
• A normal action film with all but one of the main characters being sensibly-dressed women, and nobody remarks on the fact. #unusedplottwists #
• Main character chooses the sensible, dependable romantic option instead of the newly-met object of lust. They are happy. #unusedplottwists #
• The villain lives by Peter Anspach's Evil Overlord List and thus wins, convincingly and with crowning moments of awesome. #unusedplottwists #
• The young wild-eyed girl to whom nobody listens is actually not psychic, just an attention-seeker, and is proven wrong. #unusedplottwists #
• A lead character makes a big speech about If We Just Believe, and then loses to the pragmatic, better-prepared side. #unusedplottwists #
• A new, gifted upstart loses to an experienced, hard-working expert. #unusedplottwists #
• The geekish main character lets her hair down and takes off her glasses. Nobody fancies her more as a result. #unusedplottwists #
• Soldier and nurse decide "being the only two people on the abandoned base" isn't enough of a basis for a relationship. #unusedplottwists #
• The cowardly character who keeps wanting to flee is supported and encouraged by the others, and does not betray them. #unusedplottwists #
• The chief engineer says her task will take 48 hours. The captain gives her 48. The solution is properly tested and works. #unusedplottwists #
• The female superhero has a power that is not not based on her appearance or on mind-controlling men into loving her. #unusedplottwists #
• A character comes out as gay, to a few muted congratulations and a lot of indifference. Nobody treats him any differently. #unusedplottwists #
• Main character gives an impassioned confession to an audience and is booed offstage. Love interest loses respect for them. #unusedplottwists #
• RT @mydogminton: Video: World's Least Popular Martial Art http://bit.ly/aeWV8F // I called it before he did it! Not sure I'm proud of that. #
• The outwardly curmudgeonly soldier is not eventually melted by the presence of an adorable child. #unusedplottwists #
• The prophecy is unfulfilled. It's a close call, so everyone learns a lesson about gullibility and self-fulfilling twaddle. #unusedplottwists #
• The bridge crew mutinies when captain risks one madcap, dangerous stunt too many. The first officer leads them to victory. #unusedplottwists #
• The son's determined not to follow in his father's footsteps. He makes a successful career of his own and they stay close. #unusedplottwists #
• The beast transforms back into a handsome prince. But the maiden loved the beast, and leaves, heartbroken. #unusedplottwists #
• "TS Elliot", oh literary-referencing scriptwriter? Really? #letmecorrecthatforyou #
• Oxford Circus lit up like a model layout: http://flic.kr/p/7ksbz7 #tiltshift gorgeousness via @itonlyendsonce #
• Where others had great teachers that enthused them, I have only memories of school turning me off things I previously loved. English, art… #
• Honestly, if I thought about it, I'd just whine constantly. And possibly cry. How wonderful school *can* be! But how awful it sometimes is. #
• It's taken me until I started work to begin making friends and developing social skills – but maybe it just takes that long for some people. #
• Now for some Steampunk Scally Gangsta Rap. http://youtu.be/dsaLyUTDGTo #
• RT@rhodri Crap bag retails at £4,295: http://goo.gl/AUVk // This makes me ashamed to be canine by adoption. Made by Justin Bieber too I see. #
• #vss "Suitov, why don't you remember any theology I teach you except the contradictory parts? I-I mean the parts YOU say are contradictory." #
• #vss Of all the tastes he'd woken up with in his mouth – blood, piss, vomit – he found cucumber the most disturbing. #
• I've just been handed a puzzle in sonnet form, out of the blue. No clues. Oh I could pretend to hate this, but… :D #
• "Wrong direction. Oh well, it took *me* two days to get yours." THANKS THAT WAS SO HELPFUL #greatsonnetmystery #
• #vss Loud enough for eavesdroppers, she told Viv "You cut off one lousy penis and suddenly YOU'RE the loony!" No men bothered her all night. #
• There are some odd word formations but I can't ferret anything out of them. Other than one that's been confirmed wrong. #greatsonnetmystery #
• "Mock" and "mark" are similar but no corresponding similarity further down; it's not double letters; not punctuation… #greatsonnetmystery #
• "While" and "Will" might be Shakespeare puns but I can't make that fit. And it's not an initialism (hate those). #greatsonnetmystery #
• If I have to suffer the #greatsonnetmystery then you lot can jolly well play along too. Here's one I devised: http://hellhound.net/blog/2325 #
• Well, I think the answer is Jack the Ripper. No proof yet, but I've always suspected Shakespeare was Jack the Ripper. #greatsonnetmystery #
• It'd be droll if Jack the Ripper travelled through time and wrote Shakespeare's plays, and Shakespeare did his murders. #greatsonnetmystery #
• Still no idea what I'm looking for, and the word "sweet" keeps making me think "aha must be a pun on Sweet William!" FML #greatsonnetmystery #
• #vss The translucent dragon perched on his shoulder, chirping. How cute! But he found it less so when its larval young burst from his neck. #
• Giving up on #greatsonnetmystery for now, although I've been informed I've got a couple of parts but probably don't know why yet. #
• RT @barrymcgee: http://youtu.be/MOuCjzVAO_w // CORRECT solution! #
• I have the #greatsonnetmystery with me on my desk, if anyone wants to take a look. I'd rather you were also stumped, to make me feel better. #
• #vss To begin with he only targeted the greedy. But then there were those he knew would be greedy given the chance. And those that might be. #
• Ghost dogs, Black Shuck and #hellhounds .. hilarious short 'factual' film. Two witnesses draw a picture of him. http://youtu.be/4Au1Y8xcV-0 #
• #vss Saunders, they're alive but not for long. You must send more penicillin. You must! If you saw the conditions here – just send it! Gregg #
• Women protest movements – are they more effective than men? http://bbc.in/cywZWL (Article doesn't mention it's seen as bad to hit a woman.) #
• Woodlands Junior School (our arch-nemeses!:) are now projectbritain.com. For amateurish-looking site, they're top of Google for everything! #
• Now everywhere I look in the #greatsonnetmystery I see blood, soldiers, death. I have stared too LoNG iNTo ThE abYss BetWEeN LeTeERSSs #
• "Verticle navigation", eh? #
• Our highschool Home Economics teacher told us the secret to seducing a man. It is apple crumble. No word of a lie. #feminismftw #misandryftw #
• Colleague just noticed my "not a psychopath, high-functioning sociopath, do your research" wallpaper and fell about laughing. #sherlock #
• #vss Young Rigey declared that he wanted to be an agrochemist and not a warlord. He was barred from the library as punishment. #theprompt #
• #vss A few years later young Rige was expected to take up the blade. He didn't complain. But his fencing tutors resigned, one after another. #
• #vss At nine years old, Rige made sure his father didn't learn of his acting ambitions. His actor and playwright pals were sworn to secrecy. #
• #vss Eleven-year-old Rige loved his new little sister dearly. He made her toy soldiers and taught her military strategy with her teddybears. #
• #vss As if to spite twelve-year-old Rige, his family died, leaving him sole heir to the Suitov lordship. He was furious. Absolutely livid. #
• Oh FFS, Britain: http://bit.ly/dqq0od #trashcat #thesun #goingabitfar via @spielbergio #
• De'Ath ("deeth") is a wonderful surname. Not because it's gothic or funny or anything; it's just… pretty. It may derive from Ath, Belgium. #
• Someone I know has just called Rule 34 on MONIAC computers. I don't even want to look. Don't even want to look. #
• Woe, #trashcat lacks a soundtrack and thus will never merit a @schmoyoho remix. Truly a tragedy for our times. #
• RT @semanticist: Is REE a good enough reason to not move to Ruby 1.9? // hey @Ree, can you answer this? #
• Does it count if you teared up but didn't actually sob? #toystory3 #
• Feeling so *very* ill. I hope it's just lack of sleep. #Pathfinder kept us up late; I've never had such fun #roleplaying a stupid 10-yr-old. #
• #vss "If you liked her, Suitov, you should've put a ring on her." "My pride limited how many times I could propose!" "Oh, how many?" "194." #
• A "cow whisperer". Not Temple Grandin, sadly. http://bbc.in/c38iYz ("Do they bully each other?" #badpuns #
• Oh holy biscuit. Is this a game-changer? http://bbc.in/alIyNg #google #skype #voip #
• I'm honoured to be mentioned in this @BubbleCow article interviewing @namenick on #vss and #twitfic http://bit.ly/auuuJb #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Irene Adler. Mina Harker. Every spaceship in Iain M Banks novels, particularly GCU Grey Area and Sleeper Service. #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Moya and her Pilot, to say nothing of Talyn. #farscape #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes The entity known as 'Dragon' in the Ian Cormac novels by Neal Asher. #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Mortimer Toynbee, Harleen Quinzel, K9. #possiblesidekickfetish #
• RT @Foomandoonian: Dalai Lama says his successor could be a woman, but she should be attractive: http://bit.ly/dollylama // HE CAN TALK! >:O #
• "You've gained a quality: Unaccountably Peckish at 1." Squee! And a Correspondence text. Squee! And… Nightmares reference? omfgsquee. #ebz #
• Is it normal to listen to this for relaxation? http://youtu.be/zxfDF_j79qw #neverhadrealtea #
• #fictionalcharactercrushes Susan Calvin. (because I forgot her yesterday and cannot allow that to stand) #
• From: BBCShop.com Subject: We thought you would like to know that your order has been shipped … Yes. Yes I do like to know. #sherlock #yay #
• Just come across the Circumcellions. Delightful. #ebz #
• #ebz a Diverting Educational and Thrilling Ride into the Chasmic Abysms of Subterranean Troglodytry! http://fallenlondon.com/c/228095 #
• Ugh. No. Just NO. http://bbc.in/bTL7TT Does anyone think #Sherlock would have been a hundredth as good if written by committee? FOADIAF kthx #
• Interesting how many people text/surf while watching. http://bbc.in/bTL7TT Perhaps because dumbed-down TV doesn't engage their whole brains! #
• FINALLY someone at the BBC standing up for themselves against the trash press! Even if it's Top Gear http://cot.ag/9CPKTA via @sicross @matt #
• Dear Twitterland: please stop using Visual Source Safe, so we writers can have our #vss tag to ourselves. (PS. the cool kids are using git.) #
• #vss "I know what the 'research' and 'facts' say, that's your truth, but my truth says otherwise." "Then that's not truth. It's a lie." #
• <ol start='5' type='A'><li style='margin-left:-40px'>WALL</li></ol> #developermovies #yeahnogoodideasshutup #
• // #include <batteries.h> #developermovies #
• <FRAME SRC="rogerrabbit.html"> <!– When I find out who wrote this, you're sacked. Sam –> #developermovies #
• {margin:0.1em} #developermovies #
• <td> #developermovies #
• Brokeback Mountain Dew #developermovies #
• http://youtu.be/KMU0tzLwhbE #developermovies #
• </ol> #developermovies #
• SELECT * FROM Fruit WHERE Type != 'Orange' #developermovies #ormaybeaTVseries #definitelyabookanyway #
• RT @viwon: Return of the #Sherlock mini-icons http://redscharlach.livejournal.com/210436.html // # 8 and 14 are win #
• Damn. Every time I complete a job it means I can no longer use it as procrastination against another job. #
• About to be given hints at #greatsonnetmystery solution. I'm really stumped. #
• Ugh, too difficult. Not in the mood for "read the author's mind" puzzles, hate those. #
• RT @mikerass: Does Language Shape How You Think? – http://nyti.ms/9pm5ia // I adore Sapir-Whorf. Hedge my bets on its accuracy, just luv it. #
• Cats are spoiled in this house. I got a cushion to tuck under F's head. Mother: "You haven't pre-warmed it! I always pre-warm his cushions!" #
• This is Filibuster. He doesn't live here. #cat #kitty #filibuster http://twitter.com/Suitov/status/22373069429 http://twitpic.com/2j2q7l #
• #vss As they faltered, he quietly said "So. They think they can outwit Shade's finest, eh?" And they rallied. It really was expertly judged. #
• #vss Dozen élite battlemages and he throws ME to them. Martial arts instructor? What's he think I can teach them? It's official, HE HATES ME #
• #vss Dear Tilly, know you can't read but I miss you. Your gorgeous scent and silky tail. When my cone collar comes off we shall reunite. Bxx #
• Really really needs the Voice From a Well opportunity card now… #ebz #
• #vss Suitov tossed him a polished stone. "Please tell me when it starts getting warm. Don't worry, I think I've solved the explosion issue." #
• As soon as I have the house more to myself, there will be vegetarian bacon sammiches. Because I'm an impressionable bastard. #twitterisevil #
• SO much this. RT @managecommunity Rethink Cease and Desist: don’t threaten fan communities, license your brand to them http://bit.ly/dpEsvk #
• #ebz A fig. A fig in the museum. FBG, I could just about gay marry you right now. That's delightful. #
• OK, so it's only taken me like forever to get over the US server aspect, but I've moved from Squirrelmail to Gmail. You win Google, you win. #
• I should say, you can (and should) still use my proper email address. It's just that my Gmail one works too now. #
• Quote of the day: "Where have you got the idea from that Blackpool is anything like California?" #mybrotherisachav #
• RT @deangl101: More #Sherlock to come, yesssss, http://bit.ly/biLnM9 // Three more episodes to come Autumn 2011. #
• "You know you've met a nice girl when her tattoos are spelled correctly." -via coworker #
• "God hasn't gone away. He just isn't where we thought he was." -Clifford Longley #TFTD Yes, my omnipresence screws 4sq up so I switch it off #
• Put a #tiger in your trunk. Actually, don't, you evil, psychotic criminal. http://bbc.in/bmwwse #
• "Would any of you want to be adopted by a couple of lesbians or queers?" -Cardinal Juan Sandoval Iniguez, Mexico http://bbc.in/bbydoq Yes :P #
• "I just read a great tech book called The Missing Manual." "O'Reilly?" "Ya, really." #vss #punliners #
• Oh my wow. Gosh. I feel I should warn that this is gruesome, but it's… beautiful. http://flic.kr/p/8tykru #
• This claims to be a pony, but is pretty clearly a Red Panda in disguise for nefarious reasons of its own. http://flic.kr/p/7KZ4Yv #
• RT @Anke: I do not think it's possible too draw Fennec ears too big without trying: http://bit.ly/afz1gF // holy yap them's some BIG ears! #
• Watch the "Vegetarian Carnivore" clip if you're in the UK http://bbc.in/3qDptU and see why the red panda is my favourite thing EVER. #fanboy #
• They're all "ha ha, you WILL eat dead animals" and we're all "no wai, square, pass us the sugar snap peas!" (Or rosebuds in panda's case.) #
• Red pandas actually, literally, legally own your soul. They've got it here in writing. All things belong to them. #redpandas #nothyperbole #
• When I grow up (…for a given value of grownup) I will have a house and it will be filled with specimens of Ailuridae, Manidae and Canidae. #
• And when I say house, I mean spaceship. #
• Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy (moving on from the Kennedy/Lincoln similarities thing): http://digs.by/ceff2G via @jim_from_it #
• http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/367395295/ I'M JUST SAYIN'. #
• 40% BBC One's #Sherlock 30% David Mitchell from Mitchell & Webb; 30% Dalek from Doctor Who https://www.bbcsurvey.co.uk WIN! XD #
• #vss Ted liked to have a little flutter at Ascot, especially during the Royal Meeting. There were so many big hats to crap on! #
• RT @veggienews: Meat substitutes – are they edible? http://bit.ly/b2GNRV // Tesco kievs too dry & mince full of wheat. Quorn everything rox! #
• So Vivaldi. This seasonal piece of music of yours beautifully evokes winter. Pity you titled it SUMMER. #snerk #
• #vss Buffalo Bill removed his victims' skins and wore them. He was devastated when his horn tore a hole in his favourite leopardskin corset. #
• #vss Samantha posed before the mirror. "Would you do me?" When the mirror said "Yeah, probably," she shrieked and grabbed her towel back up. #
• #vss Roy capered blood-soaked on the traffic island. Spotlights were on him at last! Albeit much smaller lights than he'd expected, and red. #
• #vss Suitov brought the dragon seasonal fruit from his homeland. Given the dragon's native climate, they ended up playing marbles with it. #
• Our Cap'n was known as a lad for 'is mean right hook. But! It's the left one, mateys, what disembowelled the Commodore today! #vss pirateday #
• Any #Drupal whizzes, please would you have a look at my question about taxonomies? http://drupal.org/node/916518 #
• Oh my, #Drupal people are fantastic. Someone provided a useful answer within minutes. http://drupal.org/node/916518 #

BBC is facing 'moment of realism', warns Mark Thompson

Longest pizza record attempt in Poland

Tiger cub found among stuffed toys in Bangkok luggage

Get out from there, tiger. You are not a cuddly toy, you are a tiger.

Police issue warning after Highland big cat sightings

It's impossible to get enough octopodes. Talented octopus dupes predators by impersonating fish

South Sudan to end use of child soldiers

Scarf of Hope to remember Peru's missing

Mexico's Catholic Church fans flames of gay rights row

The strange virtual world of 4chan

I don't have an actual wooden spoon in my immediate possession, but kindly imagine me slapping one contemplatively against my palm in anticipation of the first person here to go "RULE ONE AND TWO!!2!".

Crack found in World Cup!

African-American women struggle to overcome wealth gap

Meanwhile, UN to set up agency promoting women's rights. I hope the 'gender' part of the title doesn't apply only to women. We should always aim for no discrimination based on gender, not 'gender equality' between the two mainstream groups.

Pretty ship at Tower Bridge

'Big budget' porn film shot in London hospital. Yes, apparently the offence is mainly over the fact that the film's budget was higher than the NHS's. Ditto occupational health standards. Zing.

Taiwan chocolate art exhibition. That 'jade' cabbage is beautiful. And the dice and mahjongg pieces, so cute! Exit through the gift shop… NOM.

Fluffy ostrich

Close encounters with giant harpy eagle of Venezuela, who very effectively sorts out a nasty ape that is trying to climb towards her nest. In the second clip, another young man stares out a different filthy ape and takes the mickey out of its walkie-talkie.

Meanwhile, webcam viewers freak out over human hands appearing in their shot of an osprey nest.

Respect is due to this badass lady, who chose to remain conscious during an operation to remove a tumour from her brain.

Dangerous dogs bill 'does not go far enough'. I disagree with the criticisms in the main…

Changes proposed include more emphasis on the owners' responsibility, attacks which take place on private property becoming a criminal offence, and legislation no longer being breed specific.

I don't fully understand the part about attacks occurring on private property (the interview clip seemed to suggest the opposite of what I understood from the article, and I haven't bothered to look up the details yet), but as for the other two changes mentioned, they're completely sensible. A person's race is never an excuse for criminal activity; childhood abuse and upbringing, on the other hand, certainly do shift the blame onto the family. Besides, you can't end up with a situation where you're forced towards genetically testing a litter of crossbreeds, and even ending up with brothers and sisters coming under different laws because of the exact proportion of Staffie in their blood.

The Bahá'ís just can't seem to catch a break. It looks likely that those in Iran (where, I will point out, their religion originated, unlike Islam!) are due further terrorisation and mob violence with the silent collusion of Ahmadinnerjacket's jackboot cronies.

The coalition government is sticking with Labour's Equality Act, apart from the bit about forcing employers to make public how much less they pay their women employees than men.

Inequality just isn't going away. The gap in life expectancy between rich and poor is widening, and somehow I don't quite trust the Tories to close it, even with their collective arm twisted by the yellow contingent.

'Hidden obscenity': Older men grooming teens for sex

Signs of child sexual exploitation 'being missed'

Neil Gaiman (video) on comics and literary success…

"Do you think being a comic writer means you've not been taken seriously?" "I think that coming from a comics background has meant that I have never cared at all about being taken seriously. … I come from comics. That's not even the gutter: that's the drain that the gutter runs into."

Good Omens is still the best thing I've ever read from Gaiman. It was co-written with Terry Pratchett, with the result that both loopy writers bounced off each other magnificently, to glorious results. (The worldbuilding in American Gods and Anansi Boys was enjoyable too, but only because Pratchett's Small Gods – which, unlike Gaiman's books, I can find really scary – had burrowed into my brain during a formative stage.)

I never knew Gaiman's family members were Scientologists. That must help with horror writing.

Speaking of living in a controlled environment, how do you fancy life in a village where children are banned?

Threecows!

30% of children feel scared when they see adults drunk or drinking too much, – which I suppose makes me 30% child, because I know drinkers terrify me. I'm more disturbed by the proportion of children ("nearly half") for whom drinking to excess is a normal, non-frightening sight.

I'll cheerfully admit that I don't know who Justin Bieber is, but 4chan has sent him off to North Korea. Well done, /b/uddies. Can he stay there?

Ouch! What's that pain in my horn fingers? Ah, it's my chronic Finnophilia flaring up again.

Finland makes broadband a 'legal right'

(Only 1Mbps, I know – but you should bear in mind, if you live in a fortunate area, that over a quarter of the UK doesn't even have that.)

Three-legged dogs aid robot study

Specialist unit reports more male forced marriages

The Afghan women jailed for 'bad character'

South Korea professor charged over 'holy water' fraud.

Can they prove it was NOT holy water? Because I'm hoping there are no homeopaths walking free in South Korea.

The Child Exploitation Centre is apparently making cautionary cartoons about Paedobear. Er?

I'd like to see that cartoon shown on the page, but can't find it online. I did find this web safety film, which is excellent.

SIEGE POWER! Fifty-one brave souls sabotaged the drawbridge and held Red Castle from invading cherrypickers for three hours. This without any supplies of grapeshot, jelly shots, crossbow bolts or boiling oil. Bold defenders, we salute you!

Dog lifestyle study seeks 20,000 young Labradors

Wonder Woman gets trendy makeover. More from a source that actually understands comics:

DC Comics Has Ruined Wonder Woman!

To add insult to injury for WW fans, from that summary it sounds like a lame House of M style story. Oh well, I bet she gets un-rebooted at the end, making this (no pun intended) a non-issue.

A little Aussie town advises an American town on giving up bottled water.

If Australians can manage without imported purified water, there's hope for us all. It's a horrific product and I wish Concord, Massachusetts the best of luck in vanquishing the unethical companies that peddle it.

A grab bag of newsy scraps I snuffled up before and after the weekend:

Italy raises alarm over blue mozzarella

Typing is helping a boy with autism communicate. I'm dismayed that it took until he was nine. NINE? What were his teachers doing all that time? To think of him being trapped inside all that time and (reading between the lines of the article) being spoken to as if he was an idiot who didn't understand anything…

This isn't a win for this child. It's a late, very late mitigation of an epic fail.

More than three guide dogs a month 'attacked by dogs'

Truro pensioners' action call over seagull attacks

Water voles make a comeback in UK (i.e. Ratty! I was always Ratty whenever we read Wind in the Willows when I was little. This is because Ratty is fabulous. Seriously. Read the book.)

Plastic bags to be put over Birmingham 'terror cameras'

Senior Italian cardinal accused of corruption

He says he will co-operate with the investigation despite his immunity as a Vatican diplomatic passport holder.

I reckon he was very likely ordered to do as much, just so the unfairness of 'diplomatic immunity' granted by their silly little made-up state is kept well out of the discussion.

Tuesday, 13th June 1911: a Very Important episode from Scott's Antarctic diaries. Yes, there's a dog involved. FACT: If they'd used dogs instead of ponies (as Amundsen did), they would probably have survived and, who knows, perhaps even beaten Amundsen (but not likely, because he chose the better route too).

By the way, if you hadn't noticed (I think I've mentioned it before), they're publishing Scott's Antarctic diaries in 'real time' on the linked site. You can subscribe and follow their RSS feed.

And lastly, a puffin with noms.

Updates from my Twitter feed don't seem to be being crossposted here for some reason. I don't know why that could be yet.

As far as important updates blog readers may have missed, @cubicgarden is improving slowly and able to receive visitors.

also,

• I found out my brother can't touch-type. I feel a little dirty. Like he's a racist or something. Today on Trisha: "My 20WPM family shame!" #
• #vss Sam was born immune to HIV. He never entered a hospital and he died with the cure in his blood undiscovered. Sam was an Amazonian frog. #
• It's very sad when I glance at the breaking news feed and go "oh, another deadly mosque attack in Lahore". Get yourself together, world! #
• On the BBC in 1977: "What Right Have You Got? A 26-part course on rights and responsibilities of the citizen". Why no stuff like that now? #
• Say my name! http://bit.ly/dlFkvD Great mashup from DJ Earworm #
• #channelingbeyonc © Boy, the way you blowin' up my phone won't make me leave no faster, put my coat on faster, leave my desk no faster. #
• I wouldn't hate society so much if a ringing phone was considered "would you like to speak?" instead of "you must speak or you are rude!!!" #
• Thanks to @CustardCat for the #ff a chap who can make Arduinos do things you thought were illegal in your home state. And also play radio. #
• I can't be bothered to do a proper list, so just #ff whomever I seem to reply to a lot, especially if their avatars are animals. #
• Hmm. I could either catch up on the #Eurovision semis (songs only, CBA with the voting) or listen to Eurobeat CD again. http://bit.ly/amjK8D #
• Fave mp3s, all CC-BY-NC-ND 2.5 Aus: http://bit.ly/cXQcui http://bit.ly/a57iA1 http://bit.ly/9J88GW http://bit.ly/9EXHPR http://bit.ly/aZCfM4 #
• But half the comedy value comes from the performances. Imagine the Greek woman's dress coming off halfway and Germans parodying Kraftwerk… #
• Delicious short fiction, my delicious friends! RT @Anke: Down a wrong path http://bit.ly/aOpX38 #fridayflash #vss #mfic (580 words) #

• Does anyone else by default assume tinnitus is actually your brain receiving a software upgrade from your robot dog overlords? #
• Did I say overlords? I meant protectors. #